my poem, if you give me your honest opinion, i will give you 10 points.?

Question

While alive,
a path you must choose,
so that when you die,
you will not lose.
Losing to the devil,
is horrible to say the least,
you don't want to follow him,
and be his feast.
When your'e alive,
you should choose the right path,
a path of good,
not bad.
You dont want to go to Hell,
but you will,
if you take the wrong path,
and lie, cheat and steal.
You want to see Heaven,
and the pearly gates,
If you repent,
then that is your fate.
If you say your'e sorry,
God can forgive,
but you must do it
while you still live.
Because when your'e in Hell,
God will pay no mind,
to you and your pleading,
He won't be kind.
You will be with the devil,
for the rest of your years,
you will burn in the fires,
and drown in your tears.
If you think I am kidding,
then just wait and see,
when you take the wrong path,
In Hell you won't be free.
As an angel in heaven,
you can fly and do what you please,
but as a Hellion in Hell,
you will be prisoner,never free

Additional Details

2 hours ago
So it's up to you,
to choose your own path,
will you see God's smile,
or Satans wrath?

Answer 1

as a beliver in christ. this honestly has touched me. i am also a poet but do not let any one read my poems. i give you MAJOR kudos for putting your poem on here. i honestly think god has given you the talent to wright poems such as this to reach out and touch all the non belivers. you seem like an amazing person, and god has plans for you sweetie. i can tell through your wrighing.

did you know they have poetry contests where you can win money just look it up on google.

bless you sweeti

♥

Answer 2

Constructive critism from my husband, the literature teacher:

The rhyme sceme is simplistic and erratic; it relies heavily on slant rhyme instead of true rhyme. The only main poetic device was imagery. There were no advanced poetic devices(like synedoche, or metonomy) For a student in elementary school this is good. It is mediocre for a highschool student. It is too simple for a student in college. This is a great beginning for creating a good villanelle.

Answer 3

Good message, but I think it relies on rhyme too much. Also, might want to work on getting each line to flow a little better. Keeping an roughly similar amount of syllables per line will help immensely.

Answer 4

Wow, that is a really good poem. You have amazing talent to write something of this depth and make it so clear to one how a life should be lived. I commend you. Very nice job.

Answer 5

I think it's bulls**t propaganda and it's extremely basic and unimaginative. My 10 points, please?

And to the other answerers, how is this Christian propaganda aimed at scaring people "deep" at all? To the person above me- reach out and touch the non-believers? If touch means disgust, then yes, she has touched me.

Answer 6

Wow that was such a great poem
But at the end it wasnt much of a poem

Answer 7

I think this poem is really good you used a great rhyme sceme and the poem made a lot of sense!

Answer 8

have typed 4 different answere's to this, your heart is in the right place, and to know so clearly, we pick our own paths and make our choices. Good all around

Answer 9

You should get a job working for Billy Graham..lol

Answer 10

its too long. i dont like poetry, but i was planning on giving an honest answer. but when i saw how long it was, i couldnt bear to read the whole thing. the last few lines are interesting though....