For sex???

Question

My wife is bi-polar. At this time, she will not sleep in my bed, much less have any kind of sexual relatios with me, reason being, she is also re-living her incest details with her therpist.

Okay...she is trying to meet up with some guy from her my space page. It sounds like she just met him. They have been writing back and forth for a couple months, inviting each other for lunch, drinks, or dinner. My wife has lied about who she is, and says that she is a case worker working with abused kids. (she does not work, period) She has no idea I know of the conversation, so I cannot confront her until she says she has actually met.

The question is....If you were this guy, what are you looking for??? And, in your opinion. will she ever meet up with him?

Okay, everyone says I should confront her. She hasn't actually met up yet, as far as I can tell. But she has told all her friends that I am a rotton husband, including this guy. U no, I don't care as much about her doing this crap, as I am leading this guy to believe I am rotten and abusive to her. She tells all her friends that I am emotionally abusive to her, which, I might ad, may be the case. But it has ALL been about her spending which has put us near bankruptcy. If you read any of my other questions, U will see that I should have left her months ago...But honestly, folks, I am head over heals in love with her, and I just want her to get back to some similance of the girl I married almost 19 years ago.
Someone wrote in another thread that bi-polar women sometimes resort to aduterated sex as an outlet...my wife swears that if Prince came thru her door, that she would not react! My concern here is that maybe she wants sex badly in her manic stage, just not with me...

Thanks for all the responces...my wife had lunch today with someone...I read an e-mail that Friday is open. She called me before she left, and I had missed the call.(so I know she had her phone with her. For 2 hours, I tried several time to get in touch.....nothing. At about 2 oclock, she finally calls back, and ask me to pick up some Pepsi and a prescription she had tried to pay for and couldn't. SOOOOOOO, what is with the time lapse? Maybe I,m paranoid, but I did see the mail that was an invite. I'm not a possesive man, but this is just plain wrong. I will make note of this day, and the time of day, and trace the #'s she called on her cell phone. This will confirm my suspisions.

This all sucks. She won't even sleep in my bed, and she pulls this crap. She has way too much time on her hands. IF it were ME not wanting sex, the only conclution would be that I'm having an affair!!!!! But she is a victim of incest, and she still claims she will not ever want sex again I say bullshit!

To reply, my wife was NOT bi-polar when we were married. But she did say she had been raped by her dad. I did NOT know about the molestation...

I hate to say this, but the scars she has will bring this marriage to a messy ending. NOW, I'm the bad guy, and in her eyes, she sees her dad.

I can not hold on much longer. She is unresponsive to my pleas for forgiveness, and she refuses to come to our bed, even for snuggling. I am drained...I hurt inside...I know if I file papers,my wife, my kids, and myself, are in for the most devastating time in our lifes.

And here is one for you all......will she flip out and regress, or worse yet, try to kill herself if I divorce her? She stands to lose both her kids, her right to stay in this house, and the court will force her to get a job...any job.

It pains me, but I've put up with this behavior for 4 years now. And now without any intimacy, what in the hell is there left!!!!!

Thanks again for the replies!!!!!!!

Answer 1

She probably WAS bi-polar when you married her, but it was never properly diagnosed. However, there were more than likely some signs of mental instability.

I won't argue that she's unstable. If she's seeing a therapist and has such a terrible past, it's almost to be expected. However, her current behavior doesn't sounds like a result of this instability, it sounds like a result of her being selfish. She's going to continue lying, going behind your back, etc, because she's not the innocent, vulnerable person every spouse would want to believe she is at the moment. The guy she's talking to wants exactly what you think he wants, because he doesn't even know who she really is.

Your wife needs to be confronted and given an ultimatum. She cannot blame this on being bi-polar (anyway, I would assume she's taking medication for that, right?), and you cannot accept that as a reason for her infidelity. If she just wants to have friends, fine. But sneaking around like this and lying about who she is goes beyond someone seeking friendship.

Answer 2

You should confront her about this behavior on the internet immediately before something horrible happens. She could be setting herself up for a meeting with someone worse off then her and something horrible could happen to her. This is not healthy. If she is bi polar does she take any medication, maybe her therapist isn't right for her, talk to her about this right away it sounds like she needs alot more help than she is getting at the moment. By the way, you really should talk to her before she makes plans to meet this guy, just to prevent something from happening that both of you will regret.

Answer 3

My oldest brother was that other guy. He met his wife while she was still married to and living in the same house as her ex. They started an affair right off the bat. She played the abused wife thing. My family and I smelled a rat, and tried to tell my brother, but we were told we didn't know what we were talking about. So we let it go. A short time later they got a place together. She brought along her son, who needed his hind end beaten. Things were relatively okay for a short time. She got divorced from her ex, she and my brother got married. She soon started throwing tantrums like a two year old. She was constantly accusing my brother of affairs. Her son would hit my brother, and whenever my brother would try and discipline him, she'd haul off on my brother. She never disciplined her son, so he went from a little brat to a big brat. After a while, my brother realized maybe her ex wasn't the monster she made him out to be, and maybe he did her ex a favor by "taking" her from him. Being no one can be taken from one guy by another, she dumped her ex on her own free will. Eventually my brother left her hind end and divorced her. So even if she does wind up with this guy, he'll probably get sick of her after a while and divorce her. People who matter know she's not trustworthy, and take whatever she says with a grain of salt.
You may be head over heels in love with her, but it's not reciprocated. No woman who loves her man would drive him into the poorhouse, bipolar or not. I think often times bipolar is just an excuse to act like a jerk. Sure, bipolar people can be impulsive, but so can people who aren't bipolar. There are bipolar people who act normal. There are also people without bipolar who act normal. When people do something and claim it's because they are bipolar, they are just making excuses for their bad behavior. It's like someone who gets drunk or high saying they couldn't help it because they have a disease. No, they did whatever they did, because they WANTED TO. It was their choice whether or not to get drunk or high. Just like it's your wife's choice whether or not to have affairs, spend all your money, work(or not work), etc. Make SURE you get sole custody of your kids, and don't let them alone with her.
I also think you may want to start digging into this "therapy". Therapists shouldn't make people relive terrible events in their lives, at least not for more than one or two visits. Are you sure this therapist isn't visiting her on a sexual basis? Do confront her about all of this. Get yourself checked out for any diseases she may have given you. Good luck.

Answer 4

My youngest sister is bi-polar. She doesn't work either, refuses her medication and has had affairs with several men. Her husband divorced her, she moved in with a man(left her husband) she knew for only 2 hours. People with bi-polar are very impulsive and bore easily. I hope your wife is taking meds. This guy she keeps writing has no idea, about her or her problems. She may or may not meet him. Try to understand and be supportive, and put your foot down about this other man!

Answer 5

I just read your bio and one of your postings. Something is wrong with the psychiatrist that won't work with both of you to work out these problems. I would have a problem with him. He's obviously not helping her.

Why are you staying with her? She doesn't want you...she has spent all your money and put you way into debt....and now she's looking for another guy? You know what this guy is looking for.

My question would be, what kind of example are you setting for your two children? They're teen-agers, so they're not stupid as to what is going on. Why would you want to continue to drag your family through this garbage?

Answer 6

this a very sensitive issue maybe u should go with her to see a counsellor r gonna put your life on hold for her tell her how u feel and if it continues just tell her u need a break from all that and that hopefully she will learn to appreciate u better u are a really nice person to be able to put up with her horrible past do not give up on her but do not neglect yourself in the meantime

Answer 7

WOW!!! THIS REALLY IS AN ISSUE!!!!!!! MY SISTER-IN-LAW IS BI-POLAR AND TO BE HONEST WITH YOU, I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT TO TELL YOU.

I WOULD LIKE TO SHARE MORE WITH YOU ON THE SUBJECT, BUT I'M AFRAID THINGS MAY FALL INTO THE WRONG HANDS...IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. SO RESPOND THRU YAHOO IF YOU'D LIKE.

MY HEART GOES OUT TO YOU!!!! IN A BIG WAY!!!

Answer 8

Dude, for her well being, please either talk to her or therapist about this. I have family members who are bi-polar and one thing I've learned is the regular rules of social interaction don't always apply. You could be saving her life...

Answer 9

Life is too short. Do you really want to spend yours this way? Each of us only has so many days on earth - I hate to waste one of them, I definately wouldn't give thousands of my limited days on someone who doesn't respect me!

Answer 10

im so sorry dude, but you knew she was bi polar when you married her. then your gonna have to make this work. try concelors or do some soap opera bull. work her prob to your advantage