Does this make sense?
My questions seemed to bend and mix in my mind, making it impossible for the words to form and escape the prison of the fear of more secrets.
2007-06-16 11:33:27 · 7 answers · asked by ***Lena*** 2 in Education & Reference ➔ Words & Wordplay
sure why not. i had to read it twice, but I'm dyslexic. it makes sense, but it sounds like one of those sentences you would find in a book that's hard to read because it uses confusing sentences.
2007-06-16 11:38:06 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bend and mix are not verbs that fit one subject(questions) - bend suggesting a solid but flexible substance while mix suggests a fluid or fluidity...
"making it impossible for" is verbose, one word could replace this, such as "confounding"...
"form and escape the prison" is awkward...
and how do secrets cause fear? A true secret is unknown.
A better sentence might be - "The questions darted and dodged amid my mind, confounding verbal formations that might escape and free my burgeoning doubts of Paul's truthfulness."
I don't know the context of your sentence, but you can work it to fit.
2007-06-16 12:03:19 · answer #2 · answered by OkieDanCer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems to me the person referred to in this sentence has just uncovered a secret that has caused him/her some confused reaction. As this person contemplates what he/she just learned, all sorts of questions have come to mind. He/she wants more answers, a lot more answers. But, the secret just revealed is so shocking and yet so revealing the questions are not stable enough and are so interconnected, he/she cannot find the words to express them. This sense of the situation for this person is further compounded by a dread that this recently revealed secret now may be only one of many others that were, perhaps, not suspected before.
Obviously, that is a lot to convey in one sentence. And, there may be some crucial story elements here that it might help to emphasize by giving a little more effort and attention to expressing them.
Personally, I am uncomfortable with the sentence as it is written. I would prefer a clearer expression of what you are trying to say by using more, shorter sentences.
But, that's just my opinion.
2007-06-16 12:31:44 · answer #3 · answered by wow_bill 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you mean: "My questions seemed to flex and meld...?" If they were already questions, then the words HAD already formed. As far as the rest of the sentence, it is really confusing. The image you're trying to convey isn't working, so keep trying. Eventually, you'll get there. Good luck.
2007-06-16 11:49:40 · answer #4 · answered by Elaine P...is for Poetry 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, not to me.
Perhaps you mean:
My thoughts seemed entwined around each other, making it impossible for me to formulate questions. Words were imprisoned in my mind as dark, fearful secrets.
2007-06-16 12:21:33 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lose the "of the fear of more secrets." part altogether or put it into another sentence.
2007-06-16 11:56:03 · answer #6 · answered by Sparry 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like you lie a lot and try to cover it up
no it does not make sense
2007-06-16 11:40:02 · answer #7 · answered by adam r 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋