how to get this out of my head?

Question

i'm not exxagerating, every man in my family or had cheated in the past on their wifves or still have mistresses. so i grew up with cheating, it's very accepted in my family...question is how to get out of my head that not all men are cheaters? it's hard because not only did i grew around that but also i've had exs cheating on me in the past. so how do i do that?

mergency that is my greatest fear. when i am cheated on i break up AUTOMATICALLY, that is soemthing i cannot tolerate!!

i know my self worth, i know that and that's the whole point of me asknig this question, how to change? what are some pointers that can be given to me.

Answer 1

Convince yourself rationally then try and find men that don't cheat. Sadly it seems like you might be attracted to men that are likely to cheat.

**edit** Well, its somewhat common for us to be attracted to people who remind us of our father figure (for women). What I would really suggest you do is not get involved in relationships quickly. Find a guy you are really good friends with and who cares about you, THEN and only then initiate a relationship. I'd say its also important not to obsess over cheating.

Answer 2

Not all men are cheaters, Sounds like you know what it feels like to have someone cheat on you, so you could also use that as a lesson. Look at what you are attracting to yourself with your thoughts. With you thinking that all the men in your family are cheaters you are setting yourself up to find only men who will cheat on you. If you change your thinking you'll change the outcome. I'm also sensing you feel insecure about yourself and your self worth, maybe doing some work on yourself could be of some help to you. You have to take care of your needs first. Make changes to you so you don't continue on with this cycle that seems to be repeating itself with the men in your family. It's your choice! All the best. The other thing is to seek some professional help from a counsellor to help you make the changes you need. If it's a fear then challenge the fear, meet it head on.

Answer 3

I would advise therapy. You may feel like you don't need it and, basically, you don't. You sound healthy and since you are not depressed, you don't have a mental disorder, this is apparently your only concern,...If I were you, I would not go if this thought process did not bother me, but in your case, I imagine some trust issues are coming up (understandibly).You may tell yourself to get over it, and/or get frustrated when you see you cannot. Well, stop underestimating yourself. the fact is you have been in this environment since you were born. The brain transforms and grows into its adult size during childhood. This is when all our imprints are getting shaped and determined. Conclusion, your particular imprints (your worldviews, the ways you understand your world) have been molded based on what you saw, heard and mostly felt "betrayal, anger, lies, no trust...) Now, to change/reprogram them in order to have a healthier attitude towards men, trust and relationships is no easy task. So that is why I recommend for you to see someone professional and because you are expressing today the fact that this old way is bothering you. Note that I am not a pro-therapist, therapist that... I think that we shouldn't need them all the time, but some of us and ever so often do need the help of a "guide."

Answer 4

Have you considered brain surgery? Just kidding. An amygdalectomy can be harmful.
You know, I knew someone whose husband came from a very dysfunctional family and she told me he was a doll. Did everything around the house. Treated her like a queen. Was a quiet homebody who loved to be home. I say this to tell you there is hope. Get to know someone well and get to know his friends and family. He should have no problem with you talking to other people and living your life and exploring any facet of his life. I could say more, but the best thing is to talk to a counselor or therapist and learn the things to watch out for and how to develop a relationship.

Answer 5

This is simple. You need to find a man strong in the faith that fears the consequences of cheating so much that he'll never do it. That is why so many men cheat, they don't fear what might happen to them if they are ever caught... and even then they don't fee being caught by their woman, let alone caught in a sin that will haunt them for ever. At least that's my two sense.

Answer 6

You have some great response (other than the cheaters cheat because they ain't getting it at home)...cheaters are just cheaters....either you fall in love with a cheater or you fall in love with someone with character.....the best wife in the world won't cure a cheater. I'm glad for you trying to avoid such a terrible fate...good luck

Answer 7

I know what you are saying...same with my family...and men and women who dont cheat are far and few between...but they are out there...I truely believe unless the heart is guided by God, you will have no truth..and only in truth can one be loyal and faithful...the morals a person accepts for themselves will govern how they act...and what you give your attention to grows...you can attract the good by doing good...there will always be the ones who do not hold love in respect and will get their just desserts you cant plant tomatoes and get corn...and even if you are the victim of one cheating you would be "settling" for them if you accept it and abusing your own soul....you cant "get it out of your head" you cant go a day without seeing it...even the stupid TV commercials try to provoke you to...it is VERY prominate in our society and almost totally acceptable...even though it is totally wrong and you will suffer for it....you cant get away from the sight of it BUT you can decide to do whats right and good and honest for yourself and go by that regardless of the people around you...for you will stand before God for your actions alone and how you treat others..not by what they did to you...be honest and good to everyone and love them where they are at...break the chain of abuse...it is very simple...if you love and respect someone enough...you would never cheat on them...period..never because that is not love..

Answer 8

Work with your Priest/ Deacon and learn what marriage is. Share with them your deepest fears and get resources from the to learn how to break this chain. The first step in breaking the bad cycle is recognizing it. So, you’re got your foot in the door … next step is to research “Why” … and come up with ways to help you on this journey. I find singing (ahem, bellowing) sometimes lets me get the stress out too.

Additionally, I would stop focusing on thier lives so much and focus on what you want for God has a way of bringing to us what we focus on.

To get your mind off despair & anger you might want to read some of these books ... and get the principles rooted into your being: "Real Love" by Mary Beth Bonacci, "If you really loved me" by Jason Evert, & "Christain Courtship in an oversexed world" by T.G. Marrow

Answer 9

Well lucky old you .At least your well schooled in the cheats around you. But it works both ways. What weren't the wives giving their husbands? Men don't usually play around if they are happily married.The problem would appear these days that couples get married for all the wrong reasons.I always thought one good reason was-Love!I have given private readings to hundreds of women.Most every woman knew their partner was cheating on them. They come to me as a Clairvoyant for confirmation. Men are pretty thick if they think women don't know.But somewhere in this world is someone for you. So stop worrying about what if? Start hunting. Good Luck!

Answer 10

Try to forget about men in your family and think positive that you might find someone who really appreciates you ..so that means that if you find that person..he won't cheat..Now, try to avoid the "men" who look like those who can cheat..(its easy believe me I have experience ;) try ) good luck..