I have been in love for almost 4 yrs. Unfortunately, I have also been going thru divorce for 4 yrs .My boyfriend and I found each other when I 'left' my husband almost 4 yrs ago. Financially, I couldn't leave and he wouldn't. My husband wanted out as much as I, but we couldn't afford it. Then our oldest daughter became mentally ill for about 2 yrs, making it difficult for me to return to work after being home with the children our entire marriage. After she got better, she developed a terrible infection which led to a series of infections and long term disability. Throughout all of these problems, my bf has continued to stand by my side, 'in secret.' He is always there for me and for my children. He is thought to be a great 'family friend,' making it easy to spend time with him. My two oldest daughters have discovered our relationship and they understand that I have no desire to hurt their father. We would all be happier if we could live separately. My problem is, how do I tell him?
2007-06-16 10:25:03 · 12 answers · asked by K J 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Are you thinking of telling your husband, who wants out too, because your daughters found out and you want to stop them from thinking it is OK to cheat? Good for you!
Are you financially able to move now? You stated in quotes in the 3rd sentence that you "left" your husband 4 yrs ago. I guess you meant emotionally?
I think your husband will not be greatly hurt if you told him you had a bf. I think the pain will come from it being a family friend, who will no longer be considered great. Just tell him that you two are having feelings for each other, like it is a new discovery, and that you want to leave to be able to date him? Sounds far fetched; but, UNLESS YOU ARE READY TO LEAVE, YOU SHOULD NOT TELL HIM, NOR SHOULD YOU STILL CONTINUE TO SEE THIS MAN ON A PERSONAL LEVEL. YOU NEED TO BE FREE AND FIND A WAY TO DO THAT. Your husband will feel very betrayed when you do tell him and ABSOLUTELY SHOULD NOT HAVE TO ENDURE YOUR PRESENCE OR THIS MANS PRESENCE IN HIS HOME. GOOD LUCK
2007-06-16 11:26:17 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you ditch the boyfriend and try to reconnect with the husband?
You're teaching your daughters that adultery is ok for the right reasons.
If you can live apart, then leave honestly, through divorce, figure out the finances and make it happen.
Your BF isn't "always there" - he's there for very thin slices of your life - and don't think people don't know about it - family friend or not.
You may give me a thumbs down, but it is still wrong to be cheating on your spouse.
2007-06-16 10:29:18 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
Wow, what a fine upstanding mother you are for your children. Living with a man just for money, (isn't that called prostitution?), fooling around with a family "friend" for 4 years, and getting caught by your kids.
What a wonder family "friend" he must be to allow you stay with a man you didn't love for 4 years because of the money. I would say you two deserve each other. It gets lonely under a slimy rock.
I sure hope your husband gets custody and finds a decent woman. Someone to set a good example for your children.
2007-06-16 10:31:54 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Its called a affair and a no contest divorce can be as low as $65.00 so the cant afford it excuse isnt working.File for a divorce,if you feel the need to tell your husband you have been a cheater for the last four years,thats your choice.
2007-06-16 10:29:27 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him. The sooner he knows, the sooner he can move on with his life. I know life isn't fair, but by keeping him in the marraige when you love someone else is not only not fair...it's cruel. Even if you don't love each other and it's a marriage of convenience. Your kids already know....he should as well
2007-06-16 10:33:57 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like your BF has the upper hand,being a secret & all!
I bet if you told your husband about him,he would leave the building like Elvis!
2007-06-16 10:28:38 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
why not just get a divorce why tell your hubby anything that would hurt him as there is really no point in it. why can't your boyfriend help u out financially if u want out of the marriage?
2007-06-16 10:34:08 · answer #7 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if your dumping your husband anyways whats the point of telling him your in love with the other guy? to hurt him? dont do it its a waste of time just get divorced and move on .
2007-06-16 10:30:01 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This sounds very sad, I sorry you have gone through such harsh times. Listen why do you need to tell your husband this?? It will only hurt him!
2007-06-16 10:31:39 · answer #9 · answered by piano19 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, you need to tell him. You need to just sit down and tell him. You got a big mess there.
2007-06-16 10:29:06 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋