I don't love my husband anymore. HELP?

Question

I don't think I love my husband anymore. In fact, I'm starting to think I never did love him. I moved in with him when I was 19 because of a bad situation at home and I think I let the relationship go too far. I'm 26 now and wished I waited for the right man. I just didn't have the confidence to think I would ever find anyone else who would want to marry me. If I didn't marry him I could have been 10 times the woman I am today, I just didn't see that 7 years ago. I would have had a college education and living a much better life. The only good thing in my marriage is my 10 month old daughter. My husband is lazy, boring, and we have no love life. We have about $2.00 in the bank and live in a crappy little house. Now I know why his mother divorced his father. I hate my life.

How do I undo the past 7 years of my life?

And NO, I am not some lazy, whinny housewife. I work, take care of our home, daughter, etc. so don't even use "that card." What would you do if you felt like I do?

Hey Brandie H., if you think my life sounds good, I'll introduce you to my husband. Your little rant sounds just like him, so the two of you might be soul mates.

You can have him.

Answer 1

First off you can't drive forward by keeping your eyes on the rear view mirror. ,,meaning whats done is done and gone..now move forward...

It's never too late! You can get that education and be the woman you want to be..It will be tougher to do with a little one to care for but women are doing just that everywhere and quite successfully.(besides it sounds like you are doing it on your own now anyway) The past years have not been a waste, you learned a lot about yourself, life, and have matured as a bonus you have a precious baby.....your daughter deserves to see you happy and to have a good example in her life; a strong independent mommy (married or not) Good luck...


p.s. have you tried counseling? if not, I encourage you to .. but that does not mean you can't seek that education...

Answer 2

I'll be blunt and honest here. I think way too many people get married and call it off too often and take marriage so lightly these days. I think the only time it calls for a divorce is if there is some kind of abuse going on. If this is the case, get out! I think all other things can be talked through and fixed, with both partners trying. Here are some things I recommend doing.

1. Go out on dates. That's right! You could go to a movie, putt-putt, book reading at a cafe, to the arcarde, out for dinner, go for a walk... do whatever! This is a time that you two could reconnect. Get to know each other more. Talk about what is going on in your life (Adult talk), without the little one. And get those "butterflies" you had once before.

2. Talk to him. Tell him how you feel. Honesty and communication are key to any relationship. Just be sure to say it in a calm and mature way, in a way that won't offend him too much. In a way that might just make him think.

3. Think about him. How did the two of you meet? How was your first kiss? How nice of it, was him to open doors to you when you needed it most? Keep those memories close to you. It'll help you in any argument. Maybe you could even write all of the good things about him. Look at it often.

4. Marriage is not about having the right partner but BEING the right partner. Maybe he feels the same way, and needs some extra attention also. What could you do for him?

5. Make goals together. Try not to think of how better your life could be if you weren't together. Instead, make goals together that you could both accomplish. Be sure to have short term and long term goals.

I don't think you "don't love him anymore." I just think that maybe life is a little rough right now, and you two just need to pull together and stick it out. There is a stat that says, those who had a rough time with money or kids or silly arguments, and divorced because of it, were more miserable in the long run, than those you stuck through it and pulled together as a couple. Just something for you to keep in mind.

God Bless and Good Luck!

Answer 3

WOW this sounds so much like my life. I married for the same reasons. I cared about my husband, but I didnt love him and was in fact in love with someone else. I stayed in my marriage for 17 unhappy years and also felt the only good that came of my marriage was my son. We had a better life than what you are describing, but still he had no ambition to try to better himself and I had already lost all respect for him. Fortunately while I was married I got a college education. I wouldn't leave him because I knew he truly loved me with all his heart and I didnt want to hurt him. Nothing in my life made me happy. I finally decided that I deserved happiness too, so I divorced him. We are now best friends, which was part of the problem then, because I felt more like his best friend than his wife. My life is actually worse now financially because of an injury that left me temporarily disabled, but I am still happier than I ever was with him. I also met a wonderful man about 9 months ago who is my soulmate and the true love of my life. Had I stayed in my marriage I never would have met this man and I would still be looking for ways to find happiness. You are still very young and can start a college career(I was 28 when I started college). Believe me if things are as bad as you describe and you dont love him and dont respect him, it isnt going to get any better and staying with him is not doing either one of you justice. You both deserve to be happy. It's a big move to make, but I assure you that if you are happy away from him then you have already made progress. Good Luck.

Answer 4

I was in this same situation. And i choose to leave. I think no I know I made the right decision. However, it still hurt bad. I am not telling you to leave. You need to try to get help. Maybe from a local church or counseling. Pray, pray, pray. And alway do what you think is best for you. I spent about 5 years of a 7 year marriage in it for other people. In the long run you just can't make that work. It has to be for you.

Answer 5

i have been told the 7th, yr. is the hardest of them all.
you will need to judge what is in your own heart in order to come to the right decision. carefully consider your financial security for both you and your daughter. the economy is getting worse by the minute and it's harder everyday to survive on two paychecks let alone just yours. it takes both you and your husband in order to maintain any idea of a proper environment to raise a family. if he is not holding up his part, then consider finding someone who will. there are plenty of men out there who need and want a family to love and take care of. living in a loveless marriage is not a good thing for any of you either. i really hope you find the answers you are looking for as it sounds like you need someone to talk to. i think you have had a hard life so far and you deserve a little happiness now. i wish you the best of luck in your search.

Answer 6

First thing is pray.I am in the same boat except i refuse to marry this loser.Second thing don't have any more kids. I have 2 I just had an abortion 2 weeks ago but there were complcantion. I ts hard enough with 1 child imagine 2 I was on birth control and it caused a defect of the fetus.So start saving money I steal from him like 10 dollars here 5 dollars there it adds up. Then save up you enough money for a 1 bed room apt. its not too late I am 24 the rent here in florida is like 530 for a 1 bedroom and like 650 for a 2 so get you a plan don't just leave and have nothing keep working and you will figure it out.

Answer 7

I know your situation. It is like the one that i am in. The only thing that I can say to you is what I have realized myself. Only YOU can change this situation! You need to pick up and leave start a new life with your daughter. Realize that at first things will be hard but you can do it!
Make sure of what you want before you make any important choices.

Answer 8

Well your question almost brought tears to my eyes. BUT you are one of the LUCKY ONES!! You are self-aware enough to see, understand, and analyze your situation.

You need professional counseling with this problem. Yes, I know it isn't possible with $2 in the bank. However, there are many free services and support groups. You are not alone. There are many people with your exact situation. In fact, because you are so aware, you will eventually be able to help others.

Now about the "Could Haves".....My mom got her college degree at age 65, and she had never finished high school. So look forward and NOT back.

How do you undo the past 7 years of your life??? You DON'T! This is about going forward and not going back. This road has some nasty pot holes on it....why go back? Go straight ahead. Your daughter, your soul, and your lucky NEW husband will thank you for it.

You go girl!

Answer 9

You used him to get out of a bad situation. 75% of the women out there have done something similar. And you are right Brandi is an a**. You can't undo the last 7 years, but you can chuck most of it and get a new start. Millions have done it. It is not easy but i have known several women who have. Be tough and it will work.

Answer 10

Your bad situation at home could have sent you to wrong place too. Do non't regret now. Regret does not further our life. Learn from the past and live for the future.
You need a lot of work ahead of you before you call it quit. Have a discussion about current and future situation. Tell him that you want to change the situation. Set goals for the family to get out of rut. Get counseling if needed. It is possible that one of you pursue higher education. Raise your daughter together

Answer 11

I am in the same situation as you I met my husband when I was 19 and I am now 27 .I want to get out of my situation also and no we cant get back those years but its still not to late to start over . I have 2 wonderful daughters out this marriage.My husband and I are not right for each other .I only married him because I got pregnant and I thought it would be the right thing to do .