I'm mother of 4 kds expecting my 5th in July, i am so depressed right now, I also don't want to be married!

Question

I can't stand him anymore. I have been with him for 5 years, i only tolorate him couse of the kids. but having this last child made me realize, how stupid i have been all this time! I cater to all his needs day and night cook, clean, loundry, everything possible, he could never complain. But I feel i am the last one on his list. I feel unapreciated, used and abused by my kindness. I want out. I am tired of feeling alone, of always have to be chasing for an I love you or a kiss even a hug. I am only 28, i feel like I am 60. tired and over worked. at least every night i cry my self to sleep i wake up staring at the walls of my room. i never was like this i let him mess me up seriosly. i want to leave i don't know how. any comments and advise i really apreciate. thanx lex. N.J

Answer 1

why dont you tell him how you feel or if you dont people like you kill them selfs so just let it all out to his face try not to kill your self

Answer 2

Depression during pregnancy is the WORST!! There are medications you can take that won't harm the baby. Please talk to your doctor about it.

Having 5 kids by the time you're 28 puts a HUGE strain on your body. Your hormones probably haven't been normal in years and years. No wonder you feel unappreciated and overwhelmed. You can probably barely move right now and you feel so uncomfortable and huge that it makes you grumpy all the time. By the time you get to baby number 5, you're not really anticipating the brand new baby like you were with the first or even the second.

Do you have someone who can come stay with you to help out? I'm a firm believer that you should always have a few weeks of pampering after giving birth, even with baby number 5... especially with baby number 5! Can your mom or sister come and take care of the other 4 and the house while you have some special bonding time with the new one? Can you husband take Paternity Leave from his work to ease the burden? Most states offer some kind of paid leave, so it would reduce the financial drain.

Remember, there's a lot of pressure on him right now, too. He's trying to support a big family and deal with coming home to a grumpy wife. Which means he comes home grumpy and the two of you just feed off of each other.

You need to talk with him and let him know how unappreciated and depressed you're feeling. Remind him that you're in the last stages of the pregnancy and you just need him to say "Okay, honey" and DO stuff.

But definitely get to your doctor. You need to be treated for depression ASAP before it gets any worse.

Answer 3

I sense the overwhelming feeling you have. You are trapped in a dead-end marriage and drowning in responsibility. The one person you should be able to turn to for help has turned away from you.
You didn't mention anything about seeking help from a licensed marriage counselor. Sometimes even your church can provide someone in this area. "For the kids" is never a good reason to stay in a marriage. Kids aren't stupid, even at a young age they pick up on things. They also learn how to act and react to other people by what they see in the home. If they're not seeing love & support from the two people who need to be setting the example, then you can expect they will have serious problems later on. If there is still a spark in your relationship, I advise you exhaust every reasonable option for reconciling your marriage. If not, it is dead and should be buried. But neither you nor your husband should ever bad-mouth the other in front of the children. It confuses them and forces them into the middle of something that should be between the two of you.
I wish you all the best.

Answer 4

It is very hard, and people can sit here and say just leave the jerk. I have stayed with daughters father for her sake and not my own. I know exactly where you are coming from. I only have the one child and that in it's self is tiresome and demanding. I as you, do all the catering to everyones needs, but there is no one to cater to mine. I know what it's like to chase after something that you cannot change. I often get told I act like an old women, I am only 30. I don't have the time to take care of myself, I am always stressing and worried over something. I too was never like this before just in the last 2 years. If you have any family that can help you would have a better chance of leaving. You'll get him to help out once he is having to pay child support.

Answer 5

Ok this is how I see it. When I was pregnant for 2.5 years (one right after the other) I would cry at the thought of having to actually to do this for the rest of my life i.e.diapers, dishes, laundry, screaming, kids cooking blah blah. As it happens the kids grow up and little by little you will have the time you want so much. The hang up is that will be later right now you have a tons of kids that all need a piece of you.
Your hormons are in a tail spin your body is drained and you have puffy eyes. This is your reality it's not all his fault I do believe you were there when you got pregnant.
No sister this is the time we put on our big girl panties, cut your hair short for little or no maintance, get those kids in a serious routine (that you do NOT waver from) breakfast time, lunch time, nap, playground etc. does not change!! Monday wash, mop Tues Dust, vacumn Wed Sheets, towels Thurs etc. You get my drift??Thes kids will adapt and the time will pass.
It's good to stop and have a really really good cry but when you are finished crying you need to get up and TCB!!
They will grow and then you can sit back and enjoy the seeds you have sown.
As for him well he is reacting to all that chaos and your puffy eyes. He's a man when he walks in the door do not say today I feel blah,blah instead tell him you need a hug and then hand him his child.
Keep your expectations resonable he is man and they are very limited when it comes to feeling & showing appreciation.

Answer 6

Are you with your kids all day or do you work? You sound over stressed with the four kids. Why have another one? I don't mean to preach to you, but there is birth control out there. You need to find some time for you, away from the kids and husband. Your husband should be helping out equally with the kids once he gets home from work and if he isn't, you need to let him know you need some help because you can't do it all by yourself. If he doesn't know, he can't help. But if you're serious about leaving, then make sure you are financially secure before you leave. Are your children going to have health insurance if you divorce your husband? You need to contact a divorce lawyer and file for a seperation so you can receive child support. It's not going to be easy with 5 kids, but if you're determined, you can do it. Contact someone in your family who can support you through this because you're going to need it. Good luck.

Answer 7

Wow.

A few thoughts...

* Your depression could be a result of your pregnancy. You may very well be entirely justified in wanting out, but the pregnancy could be amplifying your feelings.

* Get help. Seriously. Talk to a priest or pastor or whomever to see if you can make changes--even subtle changes--that will allow you both to remain close enough to raise your new baby together. Your hubby could be feeling depressed, too, and this marriage sounds so messy. But with kids involved sometimes you have to find a little mettle to keep going.

* If divorce is necessary, make sure your hubby is in constant contact with your kids. A divorce's effect on children can be marginalized by simply allowing the dad to be very involved in the kids' lives.

Answer 8

Having only one child can take it's toll on any woman besides all the household duties. Since you cannot change him, you can change you and how you are reacting to your dilemma. You will need to come to terms that living with him or without him, you will still be responsible for rearing the 5 children till they are adults. Going to see a therapist in dealing with your problems would greatly help you. Also begin to count your blessings as you are in a marriage and leaving it will cause you to become a mother in the welfare system with the help of your husband's child support. After your child is born, I would seriously begin to take night classes and leave the husband in charge of the children at night while you go. You are not going to be able to provide for them without an education and job training. Having children is a life long commitment of love and support.

Answer 9

Does he know how you feel? If he does and he is not willing to change offer him an ultimatum. He may not even realize that you feel that way though. Try counseling. You don't want to bring this new baby into an unhappy world and you should try to work on it before that day comes. I'm sure that your other kids can sense your sadness too. If all else fails and your husband could care less about your happiness then it's time to move on, for your sake and for your children.

Answer 10

wow, what caught my attention is That you have been having a CHILD once a year. You are on your 5Th pregnancy in your 5Th year of marriage, that could be the reason. As beautiful as children may be, they are a handful and stressful. You have too much on your hands..

When you divorce with 5 children, will you be able to financially support yourself and children. Not to be mean Or Rude ..PLEASE USE BIRTH CONTROL..

I think you should divorce if you are that unhappy but you have a tough road ahead of you with 5 children..wow..5 children.. i would go totally insane with just 3 children ...5 children my gosh woman..

Answer 11

Leslie R, Sweetie I am very sorry ! Are you married ? Even if not you should be his top priority ! I wish I could be your white knight but I am disabled.Do you have family or a friend ?You might call the local city hall or hospital and read what you wrote ! Well baby I will pray for you to accept Jesus into your heart as your lord and savior ! When you don"t know were to go turn to Jesus in prayer !