Why I don't feel comfortable around this person? what should I do?

Question

We are a group of friend (same age approximately) and we have occasional gathering. I can get along with most of the ppl in the group but there is one girl that I don't feel comfortable with. I always think there is a hidden competition between us. Sometimes she acts like she is more mature than all of us. when other people compliment my good cooking she never joins them. I hate to come back from a party and just think about this particular girl. most of the time whatever I say she has some other thing to say and try to tell me I'm not doing it in a right way. even simple issues like taking supplement, washing dishes, how my apartment is in a bad location.
I need to get rid of all negative thoughts about this person, first I though it is all in my mind, tried breathing techniques, prayed.
what should I do that the thoughts about this person don't hurt me?

Answer 1

It's impossible to say why this person does what she does.
Obviously you value your group of friends and you don't want to lose them or stop being part of this circle.
You could try this method. It will drive her crazy.
Be extra extra nice to her. Pretend her put downs are done for your benefit and her motivation is to guide you as a good friend should. Who knows, her antics might be a blessing in disguise. The universe's answer on how you can learn to get on with obnoxious people. By the way you don't need to be comfortable around every one. It is ok to dislike certain persons, but for harmony's sake learn to get along.

Answer 2

This may possibly have two sides to it. One being that this girl doesn't even realize that what she does really upsets you and that is just her natural personality to be very critical of others to validate her own shortcomings. The other is that this girl fully well understands that she can and has gotten under your skin and she feels some sense of power and gratification knowing that she can influence your emotions so easily. My suggestion in either case is to pick your battles and get accustomed to letting some things roll off your back. For instance if she criticizes the location of your apartment saying that it is not in a good neighborhood, give her the floor but then continue her point but turn it into something positive or even comical (sometimes you have to laugh at yourself to see how silly somethings really are) and then she will realize that she cannot make you feel bad about it anymore because even you find it amusing and it is not an issue for you. Or if she criticizes your cooking techniques say something like, "OK, I hear you but my way surely keeps them coming back for more and I like to spice it up anyway bcuz I hate dull food". Or even sometimes you have to pretend that you didn't hear her awful comments or that your mind was far away.

Answer 3

You know that the easiest thing to say is don't let it bother you. So, don't let it bother you. Her behavior and your feelings about it both suggest low self-esteem. When you really think about it, don't you know how good a cook you are? Yet, no matter how good you are someone is going to think you are so-so. Does that change how good you are? I think not. If everyone was the same, how could there be so diversity. The best phrase I ever heard, and I wish I thought of it, was that a female co-worker was always saying, "You're funny" and then she would give a chuckle. I liked her, but, you know, I never knew what she meant. I never knew if she liked what I said or didn't agree. But everyone I know loves her and she says it to everyone. She never creates hard feelings. I wish I could learn that, "Gee, you're funny." If I could just say that when I didn't like something!

Answer 4

Every time she's rude (that's what all those digs are, her being rude), smile sweetly, thank her, then go on doing as you were.

"You're doing that wrong." "Why, THANK you!"

Take all of her insults as compliments and thank her.

According to Miss Manners, this is the polite way to drive a rude person crazy.

And don't let her GET to you!

She's rude.

That's not a flaw in you.

When you find yourself dwelling on her, try to dismiss the thought of her with "Well, she's just a rude and pathetic person." and distract yourself with something else.

If there's any way you can not invite her over, consider that.

But it sounds like you're all one group, so maybe you can't leave her out without creating havoc.

Think about it, though.

But when over at other people's houses, where you can't avoid her, do NOT let her get to you.

She sounds like a perfectly horrid person who's judgment is worth less than nothing.

And she's winning, but only because you're letting her.

Answer 5

You can begin by asking your other friends in the group what she says about you. You need them to be honest and you want to know where you stand with people. I am a more direct person. More of a straight shooter. I would have told them they need to be more friendly with me. Once they are my friend, I will be more open to suggestions or constructive criticism. Say "Let me know when you want to talk about something else". "Not everything needs to be a contest". "My apartment is fine for where it is". Start defending yourself more. People should respect you . When she is not being nice, tell her. You don't have to be around people who push your buttons or belittle you. Some people are insecure and play mind games. If you want to ask her straight out if she likes you at all, that can help break the ice. At least you will know if this person is worth the effort. Good luck.

Answer 6

It sounds like you have a good group of friends with the exception of this one particular girl. I think you should do your best to ignore her and interact with her as little as possible. She may very well be jealous of you, that's what it sounds like anyway. You have other good friends to talk to and hang around with. She is really just an acquaintance so I don't think what she says or does should bother you. She's not affecting your life in any major way so simply ignore her and her comments. Don't be rude, just change the subject or walk away from her. Focus on your good friends and don't let this one girl ruin your good times together.

Answer 7

You can do either of two things, but only you will know which is the best. You could confront her directly in private and use "I feel" statements to describe how bad what she says makes you feel. Unfortunately, there are some people who need public embarrassment for their bad behaviors to put them in a 'corner.' If that's the case, the next time she says somethat bad, throw it back like this:

HER: "Gee, I know I wouldn't put THAT in MY stew!"

YOU: "Wow, you know, everyone here seems to be enjoying it...and, that's kind of a mean thing to say."

Answer 8

Stop thinking about her!

If she wants to have this imaginary competition, let her, and don't join in.

Ignore her snide comments.

If she doesn't complement you on your good cooking, she probably doesn't like it. Not everyone has to like your cooking.

If you let her bother you to the point where the thoughts hurt you, then you are the one with the problem.

Answer 9

Her Sun: Gemini Moon: Virgo Venus: Gemini Me (Male) Sun: Aries Moon: Pisces Venus: Gemini

Answer 10

It's not going to hurt you. So what if she doesn't like you. And if she did not compliment your cooking that is not offensive, she didn't say anything bad.