The color of love is how i'll begin
Discribes the tone of your beautiful skin
Deep hazel are your watchful eyes
Illuminating darkness in your saddened cries
Whats the matter? I comfort you with a hug
Your affections are returned a very well felt
A smile that moves me i sometimes hallucinate
If you were mine reality would be so great
A brief discription of what many can't see
Or even touch, so luck me......................................
2007-06-16 07:27:59 · 8 answers · asked by Sirius 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
hokey-pokey
2007-06-16 07:43:24 · answer #1 · answered by ari-pup 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Needs some editing...its very nice though...I would edit it like this (not much change):
The color of love is how I’ll begin
To describe your beautiful skin
Deep hazel are your watchful eyes
Illuminating darkness in your saddening cries
What’s the matter? I comfort you with a hug
Your affections are returned; very well felt
A smile that moves me, I sometimes hallucinate
If you were mine reality would be so great
A brief description of what many can't see
Or even touch
...so lucky me
anyway, whats the title?
2007-06-16 07:31:16 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is nice and you probably were in love when you wrote it but the style has to be worked on. I do agree with another answer you got. It needs some editing. I believe the talent is there though and with time, your style has probably improved if you continued with your writing. Of course, no-one is perfect and there is always room for improvement. I do encourage you to persevere if you haven't already.
Good luck.
2007-06-16 07:46:47 · answer #3 · answered by montralia 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Rubbish. Plain and simple. Rubbish.
2007-06-16 07:31:10 · answer #4 · answered by Superdog 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should'nt have sex before marriage, now look at your situation....they never learn.
2016-05-17 09:50:23 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Even touch So LICK ME HJAHAHAHHAHAHAHA
2007-06-16 07:29:47 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
its ok. but what was your question?
2007-06-16 07:31:07 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok Thanks.
2007-06-16 07:35:58 · answer #8 · answered by Lilly 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋