Is It Alright To Go Out And Party If You Have Kids At Home?

Question

During my marrage i was the perfect subrban soccer mom always trying to please everyone(especially my cheating husband) and appear perfect. Well needless to say my "perfect" marrage has ended and now i'm ready to go out and party party party!!! I had been married ever since i was 18 and never got to live wild when i was younger. But..... some people frown on this because i have kids at home. The are 12, 10, and 8. I think that's old enough to stay at home by themselves.... right? It's not like i don't spend time with them or anything we hang out in the afternoons, but they understand that at night mommy has got to go out and party. They even help me get ready sometimes. People always try to make me feel guilty for this, but just because your a mom dosen't mean you can't have a life does it? I'm not a bad mom am i?

Well.... if Britney can do it....

Answer 1

I can understand the desire to want to let loose. and it does not make you a bad mom. But there is a right way and a wrong way to party. The right way is to party RESPONSIBLY. You have an obligation to make sure that you are still spending the majority of your time with your kids and being a proper parent to them. Sorry to say so but leaving a 12 year old in charge of the house while you are out is NOT the way to go. Hire an older responsible babysitter, tell them where you are going to be, call to check up on the kids every so often, and let the babysitter know where you end up at the end of the night - if you know you will be staying out all night.
And ALWAYS make sure that they have a phone number/address when you can be found in case of emergency. Second thing is birth control and STD protection. There are a lot of diseases out there nowadays so make sure you are protected: you don't want to orphan your kids down the line by contracting AIDS. Believe it or not, guys WILL wear a condom, especially if you bring them along and pass one out at the appropriate moment. Any guy that won't is selfish and worth a pass. Third thing, restrict your partying to outside your home. Although your kids may know that you have to go out and party, they do not need to see or know the intimate details of what goes on during the partying (i.e. the guys/girls that you may end up with, seeing their mom totally drunk or stoned and babbling/acting incoherently/violently or throwing up all over the place). One final thing, if you have any issues to deal with that may be aggravated by the sex, alcohol, or drugs that are associated with partying, then you may want to talk to a counsellor before you get caught up in the partying lifestyle. I have been with women in my life that have used partying as a means of avoiding dealing with issues such as past sexual abuse, unresolved anger, poor self-esteem, and the partying resulted in them doing things and making decisions that made them feel worse about themselves afterward. If the intent of partying is to feel good, then this is surely NOT the answer if those kinds of issues are involved.

Answer 2

Going out once a week-two at the most -occasionally- is fine. Everynight? No way. That's neglect. And blieve me, the kids will suffer.
The smart thing to do is invest heavy into your kids now, because when they turn 14 you pretty much lose the ability to do that. That's when all their hormones click in and if you failed in raising emotionally healthy kids, it comes exploding out.
They are exactly what you've put into them.
If you have shown them your 'needs' are more importnat then their needs...and this is the signal they hear loud and clear if you're partying everynight or most nights because you didn't get to when you were younger-they will be angry, unhappy teenagers who have no respect for you.
But if you've spent quality time and lots of it-investing love, morality, joy, fun and more fun...you will get through those tough years unscathed and you'll have happy kids.
Whatever you do-their needs are much more important than yours. They need you home. There is no way you can justify partying all the time. They are kids. They need you now.
Good luck. I hope you make the right choice.

Answer 3

A 12 year old is not old enough to stay home alone all night. You got married at 18 because you couldn't wait to grow up. Don't set your children aside for a night out. They need you right now more than ever because Dad isn't around like he was. Do not think of yourself. You had a chance to have a single life once and you gave that choice up. You are in your thirties now and should be matrue enough to need more than one night stands and bar hopping. You need to be a good example of how a moral woman and mother lives. Partying all night=if you do do decide to be a partier don't get mad when your teenager comes home drunk or doesn't come home one night at all. Your youth of yesterday is gone and you cannot get it back period. Don't sacrifice your sweet children for your own slefish wants. When we become moms we trade alot of things we want or wanted to raise our children with love and morals and pray they grow up to be repectable people. Have dinner parties and include your kids in the fun. My husband has a sister with 5 children. She loves to party. She would leave her kids at home all night while she went out and lived the high life. They were young. 12 and younger. She now sits and wonders why her children have nothing to do with her. She neglected them for her own selfishishness. 12 is too young to leave all night by themselves. An hour or 2 maybe, but not all night. You would never forgive yourself if you came home and something terrible had happened to them while you were out living it up.

Answer 4

definite, i'm optimistic the anti-alcohol crowd can dig up some "learn" that demonstrates that X quantity of harm is performed via a million gram of alcohol. To be blunt. we've considered all that for the period of the previous over the years. ad infinitum parroted interior the media yet in no way a be conscious with regards to the suspect technique or the doubtful statistical conclusions. a cutting-edge howling occasion - the meant advantages of fish oils. I spend my working days observing records that comprise comments of study that are no longer too numerous and that i take all of them *** grano salis. i develop into already over 21 whilst the eating age develop into dropped to 18. I honestly have constantly concept it develop right into a foul concept. A bar guy can frequently tell whether maximum childrens are 15 or 21 however the version between 15 and 18 isn't so obvious. on the different hand parents are sending 18 year olds out into the international with out any journey of alcohol. Ban something and it turns into glamorous. extra suitable to allow sixteen -17 year olds have some drinks (2 or 3) below supervision to allow them to be sure that that may no longer something

Answer 5

Not every night, but mommy can use a night out on the town every once in awhile (with a suitable babysitter in the home and reliable telephone numbers where you can be reached in the case of emergencies). Understand this though: the fact that you married early and missed your party years is not your childrens' concerns. They deserve nurturing and protection; every other consideration is a distant second. But, no...you're not a bad mom. Mommy's always on the clock, so enjoy your ocassional break.

Answer 6

I am a mom too, and I understand your feelings, but still I think they are not old enough to be by themselves. If you could let them with an adult so they can be supervised, it would be perfect. There are a lot of danger outside even for an adult, so imagine for 3 kids....
Of course you have the right to enjoy life and party, but always remember that those 3 kids depend on you, so don't overdo it. Good luck with your new life and enjoy your kids!!

Answer 7

Hmmm, sow your oats and have fun. Think about what you are trying to accomplish. If it is to blow off some steam, great. If it is to make up for lost time, you cannot ever regain it, it is gone. The end result could be a nasty drug and alcohol problem. From what you say you are dismissing your kids and putting your partying in front of them.
But beware that if you keep going you might not be able to be there for your kids. They need you more than ever at those ages. They need those momy and daughter talks, help with homework, etc.
Just remember when you are done making a mess out of your life there are 12 step programs for you to visit.

Answer 8

They are too young to be home alone. What if there was a fire or some other emergency - you expect your 12 or 10 year old to do the right thing? That is a LOT of pressure for a child. They would never forgive themselves if anything happened to their siblings. Stay home or at least get a babysitter

Answer 9

As long as your kids are safe, fed, clean, can get in touch with you in case of emergency and you spend time with them, I see nothing wrong with going out occasionally. One or two nights a week.

As far as the kids ages, if the kids are mature, self sufficient and know what to do in case of emergency, they are old enough to sit themselves.

My daughter is 13 and she babysits so that me and my husband can run errands, grocery shop or go to dinner and a movie. She has been watching kids ( mine and sometimes she sits for a neighbor) for over a year now. She's actually good at it.

I like to do treats for them when we go out. They get to watch their movies without me groaning and changing the channel, they get to have a microwave dinner of their choosing with a dessert and a glass of pop. Its kind of like a pajama party. After the fun, my oldest puts the younger kids to bed and gets some time on her own. She cherishes this time because she shares a room with her sister and really enjoys having some quiet time to herself.

There have been a couple times that I had to go out more than a night a week for social or family obligations that are not child friendly. At those times, I would leave after the younger kids were in bed and spend the evening before bed hanging out with the kids.

Answer 10

I understand your frustration, but having kids does mean you can't go out and party all the time. once a week, maybe twice some weeks, but if you think you are putting your kids needs above your own you are lying to yourself. On the other hand if you think your needs are more important than go right ahead. BEing able to survive at home unsupervised is not the same thing as not needing a parent there with you. good luck