do you have any comforting words for me.....?

Question

i feel like crap really. i am ugly and fat and like no-one looks at me in a good way. i am completely talentless, i am confused and lost in life. when will things start making sense? school is stressful and my mum seems more interested in her bf than me! .... my dad...well he hasnt even bothered speaking to me in months....thats how much he cares about me..im 14 if this makes any difference.

Answer 1

You sound like every other teenager filled with insecurities, worried abouts their looks, wondering where they fit in and what the future holds. Whether or not you are actually ugly and fat your low self-esteem is a concern, not surprising given the situation with your parents. Personally I think you would benefit from speaking to a counsellor before you become depressed. If it's any comfort things do get better but sometimes it takes a while.

Answer 2

At 14 you are still growing, honestly don't worry if you are feeling like an ugly duckling - you will turn into a swan one day and have the last laugh.

The reason I say this is because I bumped into an old school friend a few months ago after seeing this "stunner" in the pub, naturally I went over for a chat and she said "Hiya Dave how are you?" I didn't realise who it was.

At that age life doesn't make much sense, it's a transitional time in a persons life, too old to be playing with toys, too young to drive, drink etc. I know this sounds like a cliche but enjoy your time as a teen, once you get into the world of work you will always think back to those days.

Hang in there, it will all fall into place one day and worrying aboutit won't help. Go with the flow - you will come out of the other side a happy confident successful young woman.

Good luck

Answer 3

Oh, sweetie...People do look at you in a good way. No one is without talent and you are certainly not ugly. I don't think you're fat either but exercise goes a far way to a good state of mind and a limber, toned body.

A lot of what you're going through right now stems from hormones. At your age we're just like baby rattle snakes. They can't control their poison, so it's worse getting bit by them then an adult up one, and we can't control our hormones so they bite us. Things will even out.

You are not responsible for the bad behavior of your father. Sometimes love & responsibility does not come natrurally to a person. It needs to be learned & cultivated. If your dad could really understand how much you need him & how much this hurt you, he wouldn't neglect you. Some people just take a while to get it & others are a little selfish. I hope he will realize how important you two are to each other very soon.

Things will unfold and start making sense. If school is so stressful, get into a program where older students can tutor you & join school clubs in areas that interest you. Maybe French club, atheltics, chess playing, dance.. Whatever your interests are. Persue those.

Your mum will listen to you. Tell her you need to talk to her and speak from your heart. She loves & cares about you and will want to hear all you have to say. The relationship between the two of you is of utmost importance to you both. Keep the lines of communication open. Keep in mind not shutting your mum out when you get boyfriends that you are excited about.

Find a good Christian church and go to services and events geared for people your age. Talk to God. He's always there & has unconditional love for you. It may seem bleak & difficult now, but i promise, things will get better. Whatever you do, don't just sit. Brooding never works. Be pro-active. Get out there and take charge. It is your life. Live it as you like. You'll be an adult in four years and you'll want to have a good start.

God bless you. I'm praying for you. Be well.

Answer 4

You don't feel like you're worth anything, but you are!! God made you just the way He wanted you, and He never fails! I am so sorry about your mom not acting like she cares for you. This doesn't mean that you're a mistake or that you have no worth. Also, your life is naturally chaotic at this time. 14 is a very hard age, but you'll learn a lot. I seriously doubt that you're ugly. I also have my doubts about you being fat. Believe me, the majority of girls that are 14 think they're fat, even if they don't show their feelings on the outside. If you really have a weight problem, try talking with your doctor or someone, and just try to eat right and exercise, but with moderation. By the way, you have a talent! God made everyone with a talent. Maybe you've not figured it out yet, but you will! Trust me! When I was 14, I was a wreck too. I'm now almost 18, and even though things are far from perfect, I've begun to see myself in a new light. It makes things so much easier! Hey if you need to email me, go to my profile and click the link. Good luck sweetie!

Answer 5

Being 14 is a challenging and wonderful age. Your hormones are starting to affect you and your body is changing. This can be difficult because both occurrences are hard to control. Trying to eat the best you can, (plenty of veggies and fruit...fresh, organic and raw if possible...and water); and exercise, (don't overdo it), in P.E., walk or trot up stairs that come your way throughout the day, can help you manage your weight.

The better part of being fourteen is that you have extra time to try out new things. Join a club, or clubs, that you find interesting. It is okay if you are not good at something at first, keep trying. If you find that it is too much, try something else. Language, drama, sports, leadership, cooking, photography...schools usually have a variety of afterschool clubs and programs you could join. If your school doesn't offer what you are into, ask your parents if you can go to an outside program after school or during the weekends. If you work well with kids, maybe you could volunteer after school at a program. Go on the field trips your class has. You never know what you might see or experience that will spark your interest.

Have you to talk to anyone (friends, cousins, etc.) about school being stressful? How are your grades? There are homework clubs that may be helpful if necessary.

Sorry to hear that your parents aren't that supportive. I would say, don't let their insensitivity and lack of responsibility hold you back. Check out a book in the library or watch a program on tv that teaches you how to do something new. Ask yourself what you want to learn and teach yourself by reading about it and practicing.

If no one compliments you on a good job or that you learned something new and were good at it, pat yourself on the back. Treat yourself to something special. (If food, something close to healthy if you are concerned about your weight. Take that back. If you are treating your body better, than a sweet once in awhile is ok. Especially if you deserve it.)

Best of luck to you.

Answer 6

Oh, but you are YOUNG! There is so much of life ahead of you. These awkward years when you feel so self concious about everything will soon pass. First of all, make a decision to look inside yourself, stop focusing for a minute on what the outside looks like. Ask yourself questions like....Do I think that I am basically a good person? Do I try to be helpful and concerned about others? Do I smile at people I pass or do I look away? Inner beauty is far more radiant and lasting than looks ever will be. Letting your Inner beauty reveal itself will draw people to you natually. People will want to talk to you, confide in you, just enjoy seeing you, think fondly of you. Remember everyone has days when they look at themselves too judgemental in the mirror and that is all they see is an outward reflection looking back. Look deeper. Don't let others behavior allow you to make assumptions of what they are thinking about you or what you think about yourself. We all tend to be selfish at times. Allow people around you to not be perfect, because none of us are. No one has all the answers. If you are lonely, join a Church Youth Group. Make friends with people who believe these same things about people. We do exist. You say you are talentless. Just because someone else can do something well and you can't, doesn't make you talentless. Start exploring things that interest you and keep trying something new until you find something that you have natural talent to do. You will be ok....remember to smile and keep a good attitude about life.

Answer 7

Oh my woman big hug to you....our world can feel pretty horrible at times and I'm sorry you feel so bad. I believe it does make a difference that you are 14.. it is quite normal to feel confused and lost at that age as you are turning from a child into a adult with all the choices that can bring. See if you you can have a chat with mum about how you are feeling.. maybe she doesn't realize you are going through a difficult time just now..and even though she seems more interested in her boyfriend I bet you are her number one.. sometimes we parents can be thoughtless and selfish without meaning to be.
You feel that you are ugly and fat with no talents... is that really true??? or just how you feel at the moment..... What talents would you like to have???? When you know find out what you need to do in order to learn or achieve what it is you want..go for it. And as for when does it start to make sense, well there are still many times I wonder that... know that you are not alone...sending you positive thoughts and kind thoughts that things get better soon. x

Answer 8

Hello, I felt just as you do now when I was the same age as you, I had a tough time of it and nothing made a difference, and like you my dad could not care less, It will get better and you are not the only person in the world that feels this way. Have you looked on the web for chat rooms for people who feel as you do, or try to get involved in something like a dance group or drama classes, this will build your confidence and take your mind of things, that's what I did in the end and it was great it takes a lot of effort but it will be worth it. good luck.

Answer 9

Dear Hannah,

You are special. You are absolutely unique.
Who says you are ugly? Are you really fat or is it just your self-view. If you are not, don't fret; if you honestly are...work on it. Join a gym, exercise, eat a little less. (Set yourself a target to work at....it will help you to feel good)
Sorry about your Mum, but boyfriends do have that effect. I guess she cares more than you think.
Remember, that now is not always. 14 never was a great deal of fun but you have to go through it to get to 15, 16 etc.

You are in my thoughts and prayers

Answer 10

oh im 13 and completely in the same situation (apart from the dad thing)
but the fat thing could still be puppy fat,and the ugly thing could fade away with age,
a good book to read in this situation is the ugly duckling, hehe.
but trust me everything will work out soon enough, and remember, your life has only just started, so dont worry about that quite yet.
take care.