long time fling still have communication?

Question

about 10 yrs ago my bf was on a swimming outing with his friends, so i said its ok you can go. coz my parents wont let me go with him only and its a night swimming. i didnt know that there are also girls there that are flirty. a friend told me that one of the girls who have a crush on him kissed him and i dont know what happened next. it really bugs me back then. Now were married for 9 yrs and then suddenly they have a communication, she's been calling him on his phone(i dont know y?) he just told me that shes asking for help if she can find a job here. My gosh way back then we just argue evryday bcoz of that incident, then suddenly now shes been contacting him. what should i do? any advice?

she asked for it. he told me he gave her his fon number.
im still investigating if she is still calling him.

Answer 1

If he is not lying, then I'd recommend that you take the high road. Be helpful. If she is hitting him up for a job, try and angle her away from getting at job where your husband works.

If he is lying and is wanting to see if there's still some magic there.... you have a whole new set of problems....

Answer 2

Well how did she get his number I'm sure it's not the same as it was way back then? You should tell him that it makes you feel uncomfortable and she can find her own job and you would like it if he stopped talking to her. If shes just some girl that he is helping out than it wont be worth loosing his wife over but if its more he will throw a hissy fit about how you should trust him and you shouldn't limit the people he has contact with and so on. That's my advice and personal experience, hope it helps.

Answer 3

Why isn't he more considerate? It seems no mystery to me that you would be upset about this, he should have seen it coming. Did he discuss "helping" her with you before he gave her his number, as in to say "me and my wife will help you find a job"? Now some men would say "but if he knew that she'd be upset why would he mention something so insignificant." um.... but he knew you'd find out eventually he cant be that dumb, right, and when you found out no matter how many times he tries to say its insignificant, it is now VERY significant. For example just the other day an old boyfriend passed me in the grocery store, he offered his number b/c he was getting married soon and wanted me and my hub (he even used his name) to be there. I thought on the drive home, this could make my hubby upset, old flames and all, but I had pure intentions and did nothing wrong. So I told him.... Point being those who have nothing to hide do not lie.

Answer 4

You need to tell him that this 1 girl from your past bothers you and you'd appreciate if he could no longer speak to her or keep their communications around you for you and your own sense of security. Maybe you could get involved with helping this woman to ensure everything stays on the level with her. Tell him it's not that you don't trust him, you don't trust her and because of the past experience he's had with her he needs to think about his family and not 1 single friendship he once had with someone else. You're married now, he needs to be sensitive to your feelings in the matter. Maybe all 3 of you could sit down and talk about it or just explain what i said to him and leave it at that. If other than this incodent your lives have been great since... you have no reason to think he'll do something he may have done in the past again, but he needs to think about your feelings too. It's insensitive to bring someone from a past situation that upset you back into his life. Try explaining these things to him and hope that he listens.

Answer 5

Be very clear with him about why the situation bothers you. People don't always want to hear a direct answer or our true feelings but in the case of your husband he may not see the situation as wrong. Hopefully it is innocent contact on his part, but if she had a crush on him years ago, and is now out of the blue starting to contact him let him know you don't trust HER actions. If your husband really values what he has with you if you bring up the importance of the matter to you hopefully you can come up with a compromise or solution.

As for this girl/woman there are plenty of ways she can find a job without your husbands help websites like monster.com or even local newspapers using both internet and actual job listings. Many times grocery stores have job listing booklets in their entry ways. I'm not sure why she feels the need to even talk to your husband to do this. If she herself recently came out of a bad relationship she may be fishing for companionship or support. If that is the case and your husband wants to maintain contact with her you can always ask him to set limits with her and communicate them clearly. If she doesn't respect those boundaries, he can choose not to talk to her. Personally I don't think there needs to be contact, just to be safe, but allow him to ultimately make the decision to cut contact with her.

Answer 6

You should confront him about it but until you know something don't dwell on this. You have been married for 9 years your hubby is probably eating up the fact that he still has the ability to make you jelous. It makes him feel more loved and gives him some control over you so don't spend too much time asking him about it he will probably let you think something is going on. I don't think they had sex he would have bragged about it in one of your fights over the nine years after all you were just bf gf. Keep your eyes open and don't sweat it.

Answer 7

Unless your husband could really help her find a job, I doubt that she's only calling him for that reason. You should be honest with your husband about how you feel about this ex contacting him. I'm sure it bothers you and you want it to stop. If his top priority is to have a good marriage with you, he will stop the communication if you ask. If not, you need to take a realistic look at your marriage. Best of luck to you.

Answer 8

The real issue here is that your husband seems to want the contact, so you need to ask him why this girl wants to be near him. He may have encouraged her. If he did, he is making a big mistake. There's no room in a marriage for a third party. That's a marriage-breaker, for sure. You need to tell him to make a choice. you shouldn't have to suffer because of his insensitive behavior. If he wants her, it may really hurt you, but you need to know the truth. You will know what you need to do after you find out what he wants.

Answer 9

Your fight is strictly with him. I still don't understand why men try to act like they don't know what the deal is when they give their phone number out. They always get an attitude if you give your number to someone you've had contact with. I wouldn't investigate. I would tell him at no time is he to give his number to anyone that he have had any sexual contact with and neither should he try to get her a job '' working with him, day after day, after day'' do you get my meaning? I know this was 9 years ago and it may sound petty. I am a woman and men seem to forget that women can be cunning and they can be doggish.

Answer 10

If it was just a kiss way back when ....that is all it was. He did marry you right? If this issue however is causing the two of you to have difficulties within your marriage, I myself would tell my husband that he needs to recognize that it is not his place to help this woman. Especially if his only attachment to her is a lost kiss years ago. If he sees your pain and continues to pursue helping this girl I would definately give him an ultimatum; Because, why would he find it more important to help her than being concerned over you feelings and disapproval ? Good luck!