help... my husband and i been married for almost 2 years...i just gave birth to i 1st child who is now 2 half?

Question

months..tell me if this is normal...should ihave to beg my husband to watch our child when i need to clean the house, or cook, or even take a bath basically if i want to do anything i have to bag him to watch our child....he would complain about how he already watch the child...when in fact he didn't watch the baby the baby was sleep and as soon as he wakes up he gives him to me. last night i had to clean the house with the baby strapped to me because he wanted to watch boxing and play his xbox. and he doesn't like to clean up everything is dirty and will stay that way unless i do it..but i have a baby and don't seem to have time to clean because my baby is woke most of the time now...and my husband expects me to cook, clean and do everything i need to do for my child and don't get me wrong i love my child and would do anything for him but am i wrong for needing some asstiance around the house. he works but **** i feel i need a lilltle help...normal or not

i mean if he can come home and play a game shouldn't he be able to help me a lil bit with our son..i shouldn't have to beg him

Answer 1

I think that your husband seems to think that since he brings home the money and you don't that his day is over at 5 and he can do what ever he wants. Which shouldn't be the case. A SAHM is more then a full time job that gets no monetary compensation, there are men out there that don't realize that. And how does he feel when you smell and aren't that perfectly attractive person you were when you guys met. He needs to help out.

But, here are some tips for YOU and these are not to make his life easier.

1. Just because the baby is awake doesn't mean that you can't do chores and clean up. Put the baby in the carrier, bounger, swing whatever and let him/her watch you doing the dishes.

2. The minute that baby goes to sleep take a shower!!! You can have the baby in the carrier during his/her nap and bring the baby into the bathroom with you, with the door open so you can keep an eye on the baby. Or you can even take the baby into a gentle shower with you just to get yourselves rinsed off.

3. Make friends with other mothers who have children of similar ages and offer to trade time with them so you have you time and they have them time.

4. Get a big plastic bin and if your husband leaves his 'things' around put it in there are just let it for him to deal with. If he doesn't like it, tell him to start cleaning up after himself. Even if it's just to put the dishes in the sink (rinsed off) and his garbage in the pail.

I've been there. My sons father was highly depresses and slept all day leaving me to take care of it all. DO NOT LET THIS MAN GET TO YOU!!! It's all about you and your baby.

Maybe your husband is jealous. But you guys, besides my suggestions, need to sit down like adults and figure this out. He needs to be explained to that being a parent isn't a 9-5, it's a 24 hour thing and it's very difficult. Counceling perhaps???

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The person under me has a hard time with math. Let's break it down.

9 months pregnant + 2 month old baby = 11 months of gestation and child.

Leaving 1 year and 1 month of marriage before conception of the child.

Conclusion: The child was conceived during marriage.

Answer 2

Try to simplify your life so that there is less house cleaning. That's the only thing I can say since I think the worst person to care for a child is the person who doesn't really want to do it. It can be unsafe for the child if he doesn't pay enough attention. I wouldn't hire a babysitter who had that attitude. Why insist that your husband be your child's babysitter when he obviously doesn't want to?
Tell your husband he is going to do the cleaning since the baby's safety is important and you need to give all your attention to childraising. Don't be surprised if he wants to hire a housecleaner a couple of times a week.
Then, about spending all your time with the baby: that's just the way parenting is - you have to be always aware of where they are, what they are doing, what they'll be doing next. It doesn't even change when they are teenagers!

Answer 3

Welcome to the wonderful world of single motherhood. .....

You are not going to win this one. He's decided. So, figure out what you can get done in a day and just do that.

May I suggest that when you cook you prepare a double batch to be pulled out later on in the week. This should cut cooking for dinner in half. Order in once or twice a week. Try to get enough sleep.

Ignore your husband's behavior and just don't have it be a subject of conversation. He already knows he's wrong, and that is a conscious decision he has made. Why waste your breath discussing it?

Put the baby in the sling or the stroller when you take your bath. Take him in with you. Try to find ways to keep an eye on him and still do what you have to do.

Maybe your husband will be more comfortable around the baby when he's a little bigger. Some men just don't like the infant stage. The baby's just too small.

Answer 4

First off you, you got pregnant before marriage so I would guess that this boy you married was maybe not really into getting married anyway. From your text and comments I would guess that you are a young lady. To face facts what you have is two kids just of different ages. The boy your married is not a man or he would be a father, a father takes care of his child not because he has too or his wife asks him too - BUT this is important as a man who is a father he WANTS to cause he loves his child. When our kids were little and I worked all week, I would give my wife a Sat or Sund day pass, I would make a little card and tell her it is day off pass and I would take care of the kids for the day and she had the day off. My kids are now in high school and going off to college soon and I will miss the times that I had to take care of them.

He is still living at home with 'momma', remember his momma, she cooked for him, cleaned for him, and he at on his butt and play video games. To him you are his momma and now it is your turn to take care of him. Ask yourself, is this the way I want to live? If the answer is 'no', then get out go back home and start anew or wait around do all his bidding and maybe he will grow up, that is a big maybe cause up till now no one has made him grow up. Is this normal or not, young lady it is happens all the time, some people (men/women) expect everything to be done for them. It is the culture they are raised in. Decide if you want to change it. It is hard to change someone, but maybe your pastor or other family member that he looks up too that is a FATHER can set him straight.

Good Luck!

Answer 5

Ouch! Got yourself a boy trapped in man's body there.... not a good choice in husbands.

You can try asking him to step up and do his share. Sadly though, he may just get resentful that his xbox time is going to be limited by his having made a baby.

You might try pointing out that he needs bonding time with a child as yours is at an age where bonding is very important. However, if your husband is really that uncaring, you aren't going to have much luck.

Whatever you say to him, I would strongly suggest that you keep it from dissolving into an arguement. State your case clearly, with the xbox turned off, and give him a chance to see your side of things without anger. If that doesn't work, there isn't a lot else you can do short of leaving him... and then you will get to do more stuff alone with your kid.

Good luck

Answer 6

YOU need to sit him down and lay out some rules. This baby IS HALF HIS. H eneeds to be a father and a GOOD one at that. Right now it sounds like he thinks in his pea brain that the job is ALL YOURS. He needs to step up or step OUT. One or the other. MYABE you should take a really dirty chitty diaper and leave it under his side of the blankets and when he lays in it say something OH, thats where it is. I been looking for that ALL DAY. LOL. He might get the picture. LOL

Answer 7

Tell him, "If you want your clothes washed, food cooked and your house clean, then I need help in taking care of our child." If he still refuses to help take care of the child (maybe he's afraid?) then tell him to clean the house, do the laundry, or cook -- his choice. A little help is better than no help at all. Best of luck to you!

Answer 8

his shouldnt even be asked for his help, he should just do it willingly, he should be a man!

Answer 9

so you have two babies, that probaly won't change . good luck

Answer 10

you sound like a stay at home mom.clean up the dishes and let the guy play xbox.he works all day