What the hell just happened?

Question

My boyfriend, who for the past 6 months has been telling me he loves me and wants to get married and that he is 100% sure just decided he doesn't know what he wants out of life. Told me he is confused and didn't come home last night. What the hell am I supposed to think? We are not kids, I am 26 and he is 35...We both have children. What is he thinking?

We have been together for about 9 months. Just to clear up confusion. He is recently divorced from a 12 year marriage.

We each have a child (not with eachother)

Answer 1

"He is recently divorced from a 12 year marriage"
Part of what he is thinking is directly related to that 12 year marriage.
You are his rebound relationship. People really do need time alone after a breakup from a long relationship because they have A LOT of organizing, sorting, and house cleaning to do in their heads. People really don't know what they want for usually at least a year, if not MUCH longer. They may think they know what they want for awhile, as your boyfriend did, because they are in happy-mode for the rebound relationship. But eventually they start asking themselves the bigger questions, such as what do they want from their life as a whole. You held him up, supported him emotionally while he was going through the anguish of his divorce. Now he's strong enough to hold himself up, and he's reconsidering when he wants to be married again, if at all.
That 100% sure to doesn't know what he wants is another sign of the same thing.
He didn't use you knowingly, but he has used you to hold him up emotionally.
These things I have said are true of all rebound relationships, but he may still not realize them himself. Therefore, if he calls you up today and says he was being silly, don't think so and rush to get things back to how they were last week. He still needs to sort through these things, and he is still unsure, and he will continue to be nagged by these issues in his mind.

Don't get married again right away if he comes back to you. Engagement is fine for a couple years, minimum! You don't want this coming back to haunt you again later, and it will if you don't give him the time to get himself grounded again. He's been flying high on the new romantic and sexual relationship he has with you, and those happy chemicals are bouncing his brain around like a ball. You need to protect your emotions too, so you need to realize that he is vascillating for reasons, and that your relationship with him is going to remain unsure for a couple years to come. I highly suggest that you try to be the grounded person while he is in this adjustment stage, because he is probably unable to be. Keep your cool, and don't get married to him for awhile, whatever you do.

Answer 2

No No No. Dont listen to everybody else He probably just went to a friends house or got drunk at a bar and was too Drunk to drive. He didn't meet anybody else dont allow yourself to become that insecure. You should trust him more then that its been 6 months! I'm not saying you should be blind but if you where going to marry this man you should trust him way more then you do. If hes confused he could have went to a shrink or hes mothers house for all you know Dont give up on him just because he didnt come home last night. Thats insane like you said your not kids dont give up on someone who loves you over this something small. Just ask him where he was when you get the chance its probably nothing. Dont be so insecure how would you feel if you left the house one night and went to visit a close friend a girl and He assume you where cheating. No No you wouldn't feel too grand about that i think you would be offended. I really hope you haven't acted on your insecurity. You should trust this man more by now! And if he was cheating he wasnt cheating you, He was just cheating himself out on a good girl like you. Dont overreact though its probably nothing.

Answer 3

Here's an reply from anybody who honestly lives right here: Detroit has been field to many hardships such because the systematic brutalization of blacks by way of police within the Nineteen Forties by way of STRESS a challenge drive that have been a huge facet of the paintings drive throughout a time of "enterprise" so we fell in the back of countrywide averages. Then the pleasant "white flight" of the Fifties noticed many whites leaving as a result of the big numbers of blacks and varnish immigrants (polish humans have been discriminated closely within the U.S. as soon as upon a time) Then got here the destruction of so much of downtown with the race riots of the Sixties. The 1970-80s noticed the mismanagement of the town by way of new officers. It used to be sure to occur while eighty five% of political workplaces noticed a turnover immediately so almost someone they would discover used to be placed into vigor. That low bar exists in these days. The Nineties noticed the finest mismanagement by way of a Board of Education that I've ever heard of leading to academic inequalities to reflect the economic hindrance set in movement by way of the riots. In the next decade, the BIG three had obvious greater days and required a bailout (no longer Ford) which extra impoverished groups. Also, there used to be a huge flight from the town of those who did cross to school; a mind-drain took situation that is related to mention medical professionals fleeing a few components of India for greater customers. While the parties of the 90s ended in HS commencement charges of underneath 50% That being stated, I nonetheless suppose in my town. There had been a few plentiful enhancements, principally downtown, and we stay a culturally wealthy and traditionally huge town. If one of the vital different commenters (that experience in most cases certainly not been, however can have obvious eight Mile) consider my town is administered-down or past saving that is their industry, I'd in most cases say the identical in their mother.

Answer 4

Sounds like he still wants to play the field. He is confused?
He just split up from his wife. DO you really think he wants to get serious again so soon. I am in my 2nd marraige. After my first divorce I was happilly single for 20 years and VOWED NEVER to get married again. And WOW DID I EVER have a GREAT TIME. BUT then I might my present wife, and well I changed my mind. Oh BTW I am 13 years older than her.

Answer 5

Thank God you are finding this out now instead of later. You don't want someone who does not know what he wants. Come on, this is an easy one, especially after nine months. Let it go before you are ex-wife #2. After being married for 12 years he is not interested in getting married again any time soon.

Answer 6

well six months is not that long, and if he is 100 percent sure, when he wanted 100 percent of you.. (get it)..?

then, he does not know what he wants, he is saying, you are not what he wants, say thank you, give him a F- IN MATH AND THANK HIM AGAIN, and tell him he does not qualify for what you have chosen for the kind of man to marry, and dont be sad, mad, just be glad, (or act that way), RELIEVED, AND TELL HIM THE PLEASURE HAS BEEN ALL HIS, AND STEP ASIDE FOR HIM TO GO LEARN WHAT HE WANTS OUT OF LIFE,

BELIEVE ME, A WISHY WASHY MAN, AND ONE THAT USES LOVE MARRIAGE CASUALLY, WILL OFFER A WISHY WASHY LIFE, AND NO SECURITY.. OR STABILITY.. YUCK..

GOOD LUCK,

Answer 7

Hmmmm, well you cant force these things. If he is really the one, he will want to be with you no matter what. There is no point in being with someone who isnt sure. Give him an ultimatum and stick to it. You dont want to be stuffed around! You deserve better than that!!!

Answer 8

It sounds like he met someone. It is possible that is all that happened and he is just being stupid. However, you are beautiful and young. You will find a man who will treat you right. However, he is getting older and a man who is older that can't be a grown-up is not attractive. Tell him, "lots of luck" and find the man of your dreams.

Answer 9

I'm thinking, he's thinking with his little head and was out catting around last night.

Answer 10

are you sure you are not dating my EX-son in law ? if you are ? please run .......fastttttttttttttttttt ! :-)
oh no ,that cannot be him , he has no children , only one my daughter has one with him ! !
why not do him the same ? and go visit your parents with the children ? without telling him of course ! :-)
perhaps , that ought to clear his confused little mind ? no?