I dont know how to leave?

Question

Im not even married to him. We've been divorced for 4 years, but got back together 3 years ago. We have 2 kids. I'm solely dependent on him. He works, and I stay home with the kids. Now he's threatening to throw me out, get a good attorney, and get custody of the kids. He really acts like he hates me. He took my cell phone and says he'll call the police if I try to leave the state with the kids to go live with my family. He's even gone as far as to put drugs in my coffee so he could turn me in as an unfit mother. I can't stand how much control he has over me. Never thought I would be in this situation. I really trusted him (my bad). What am I supposed to do? Can he really have me arrested for taking my kids out of state?

Answer 1

What a stupid answer iiiyyyyeee! She is not "going public". Do you know her name,city, and state. She is telling us how she feels. If her husband/partner wants to tell his side he can get an account. All we can do is encourage her in what we know.

Anyway....you do need to seek some legal counsel bc you do not want to lose your children. Could some family come there to help you leave or for moral support. Your city and state will have women's services that can give you advice whatever your situation may. They could help you find a job and daycare, which of course he would have to pay half of anyway. Good luck, you just have to find the local resources for help.

Answer 2

If you try to leave the state and take your kids to your family's house, then you need to have your family's permission beforehand. Do not get them mixed up in the middle of a custody settlement that they didn't see coming. If he DOES call the police, what are they going to do? Arrest you for visiting Grandma and Grandpa? I think not. The child services people are NOT concerned about which side of the reles are watching out for the children. All they want to know is that the children are being taken care of...period. If there is not a court order barring you from crossing state lines, then you are free to travel anywhere in the continental US. Leaving the USA would require your husband's permission, but you're not doing that.
The fact that your union isn't blessed by the church doesn't really matter. He is the father of the children, and therefore has the same rights that he would if you were officially married.
You are not dependent on him. You are dependent on the dollar. You can survive on food stamps and government hand-outs as long as you don't overspend on personal habits. The state will not let you or your children die, or suffer exposure.
He won't get an attorney if what you say about him drugging your drink is true. People who need to stoop to that sort of thing are the type who get through life by threatening people instead of taking any kind of responsible action. No attorney worth his weight in pig slop is going to go to bat for a man who acts like that. You can beat your hubby in court with a fresh faced kid working his first case for the freelegal.com service, or whoever you pick to help you. Ask the people at the welfare clinic if they can suggest free legal advice lines or services.
Most of all; get out of your life of fear, and get out now before the fear and abuse starts to seep deeper into the lives of your innocent children.

Answer 3

First, he can't have you arrested for taking the children out of state unless there is a court order or if it's in your divorce agreement. I was in a similar situation last year. Second, document everything he's done to you. Courts like to see someone who's kept track of what's happened. Thrid, you need to make a plan to get out! Have family members or friends help you pack and move all your stuff one day while he's at work. If you are scared that he will come home and see you, call the police department and tell them the situation and that you would like a police escourt to help you retreive your personal belongings, they will be very helpful, they were to me. I hope that you have a family member or friend who will let you stay with them, I moved into my parents house. Courts will not "give" him custody just because he is the bread-winner in the family, so don't be scared of that. I received physical custody of my 3 children and I haven't worked since I had my son 8 years ago. Most courts prefer a parent who is home to raise them rather than one who is working all the time. Check out a couple of the links below, they really helped me when I needed it. Good luck hun, I hope you decide to do what's best for your children. And you know as well as I do that it's not good for them to see you and your ex like this.

Answer 4

If you have been divorced for four years, the custody order will specify whether you can take the children to another locale or state (like your family's home). The fact that you got back together for three years (willingly) may not have any relevance in this case unless you had a restraining order in place and he was forbidden visitation. Are you living in his house or an apartment? Or is it your place? His place - then leave (while he's at work is a good idea). Your place - then give your notice to the rental office to vacate & tell them why (and tell them to not mention it to your ex), the electric, gas, cable, etc. have to be told as well (if in your name). Get a P.O. Box and put in for a change of address that can forward mail in your name to your family's residence. Losing trust in someone is hard both ways, that's why you probably let him back in your life - you wanted to trust him. But now you know you can't. Move on once you have everything in place without leaving any clues to what you are doing -- don't let him get suspicious & don't tell him what you plan to do. God Bless You & Best of luck to you and your two children! Be strong, God will provide a blessing for you and enough strength to get you through this.

Answer 5

Neither one of you have custody of the children without a court order.
So if you leave with them it's considered parenting time.
Unless he gets sole custody he can't have you charged with anything.
Keep a journal of the dates , and events.
If you can record him making threats.
When he tries to throw you out call the police to have records of the event.
And he can't throw you out without going to court to legally evict you, you occupy the house also so he cant throw you out ,unless he goes to court.
He is seeing someone else thats why he is trying to do you dirty all of a sudden.
But if you can go to the police get a TRO because he has tried to drug you, or at least make a report, and you take him to court for custody.
legal aide has plenty of good attorneys to work for you for free, and the state pays them.
Turn the tables get control utilize 911 and the court system .
Especially if he drugs you again thats a crime.
And the reason he is doing so much to you openly is because you don't have family there to support you, and kick his mean ***.
Stop being dependent on him, and become independent and get you, and those children out of that situation.
Tell family, friends, his family about what he has done, and whats going on expose him .

Answer 6

Your not even married, get a lawyer while a decision is being made by the courts about the children he cant claim you kidnapped the kids, just make sure you keep phone records and let him speak to his kids. He cant prove that you took drugs etc. Get a job well try, show you are getting stable and seeking employment, apply for wic, stay with family members get subsidized daycare and ask for child support. You can do this, leave, get a lawyer, youll be glad you did

Answer 7

Sounds like my ex...only I didn't stay, I left...this guy sounds like a real jerk and you need to get out. You need to get some real help hunny! He's just a bully and he can't do the things he is threatening you, call a domestic abuse hotline and get some help, they will help you go to the court and get physical custody of your kids and all, make a report about him drugging you so that you will have that as evidence against him. There is help for you and you can get a restraining order, he has a major control problem and he needs mental help! His problem is not good for your kids either. Please call for help now. You can get a judge to let you go stay with your family and there is financial help and free legal help out there too...you are not trapped there....I'm so worried about you, I have been there. My email is available on my profile...email me if you need a friend ok!

Answer 8

You cannot take your children out of the state without the permission of their father.

You also don't need an attorney to go to Family Court and file for child support once you leave him.

You NEED to become independent and go out and get a job.

Whatever caused your divorce in the first place didn't fix what was still wrong when you got back together again.

Never, ever again put yourself in a situation that you have to rely on someone else to take care of you. Always, always keep your independance so if ever in trouble again, you have means to go forward.

Answer 9

He'd need a court order to prevent you from taking your kids out of state (maybe the divorce decree specifies custody). The best thing to do is to plan to pick up the kids and all your stuff and one day when he is at work just take of and leave him there with his own bad attitude.

Answer 10

That's your side of story. What's his story.

Any one judging on one sided statements may be proven wrong when the other side comes up with the story.

My suggestion is, sit together and talk.

It may always be easy to break but it takes long time to make. I simply hope none of you regret for your actions of today. Wise couples don't go public with their internal differences.

Crowd outside is always ready for a game without tickets.