I am a mother of three, my husband has been having affair with another marrried women when confronted he told me that that's his weak point and i must accept and live with it as he has been a gd husband, gd faTHER, he bring s out out, gives me cash for home expenditures, comes back but very late, i dont want a divorce or a brokien marriage he already told me that if i cant accxept and gtive him any pressure he would choose to leave me . i need help i am keep on crying of my state and loneliness, i do not have friends to share too, i want my marriage and want my hubby but he is treating me with no feeling, how come he got no heart to think of me and
2007-06-15 20:16:48 · 19 answers · asked by susan r 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He is asking you to accept something he knows is wrong. When you married, you agreed to only love each other. If he is making you feel like this, then you should pack your stuff and leave. It isn't worth accepting something that tears you apart.
2007-06-15 20:24:09 · answer #1 · answered by arwalters1990 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Must be nice, now you are his official housekeeper. Let him do what he wants, it's obvious that he doesn't love you.
If you refuse to divorce him, good for you, but take note that he is using you for sex, makes you wash his clothes, and he gets a big break when the income tax refund comes, and all the other goodies that come with him being a slavekeeper.
You must be a very good mother, because that's all you are to him. He's threatening you with leaving?? Wow, he really has you brainwashed. Does he not know that if you file for divorce because of adultery, he will still have to provide for his children a home, health insurance, school needs, college, child support (3 kids = 40% of his take-home pay, or abt 33% of his gross pay).
Maybe you need to contact this married woman's husband - now if he is threatening you to not tell, YOU ARE IN DANGER.
It is a sin, and a health hazard, to stay with a cheater. He's telling you to accept it or else - what this means is that your marriage is ALREADY broken, it's already over, he is not going to change, and you and your children should GET OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP by either leaving the home (live with a relative or at a shelter, and make sure they know what's going on, EVERYTHING), or filing for divorce, which will cost you nothing if you do not work.
PLEASE do not stay with this man - love is blind, but you could end up dead - then who will care for those kids?? If you wait it out, he will probably get bored with this woman, and come back to you. But then, whenever he feels like it, he'll do it AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN. You WILL NOT last long.
P.S. Look up the words "narcissist" and "narcissism". If he has those traits, you'd better get yourself out while you can.
2007-06-15 21:14:50 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to hear what you are going through. Now that he knows that you know about his affair, it will only get worst. There will be no more sneaking around. As long as you are with him, your heart will never heal. If you decide to move on with your life, your heart will begin to heal. The choice is up to you. You will have to give this some serious thought. I know what you're going through but TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS. Love isn't worth being down and depressed. A man isn't worth loving that much if it depresses you. The only love that should hurt you this much is the love for your kids health and safety. Men come and go but your kids will love you forever. Providing for your family doesn't make you a good husband when you are a cheater. For what he is doing you can find a roommate with no ties to help pay bills. If you don't have a job I suggest that you start looking for one. This will help you with some of your depression, this will give you something else to focus on. Good luck and God bless.
2007-06-15 21:01:00 · answer #3 · answered by lisaraye 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry to hear this has happened. I know you love your husband; however, men will only respect you if your refuse to let them treat you badly. HE IS DEFINATELY TREATING YOU BADLY AND DOES NOT LOVE YOU AT ALL! HE LOVES HIMSELF!
He knows you are dependant on him for money and thinks you will not go anywhere and accept his behavior. You have no marriage to want, so stop thinking you do. You are better off with him gone. Just get the child support from him and then you are free to find another partner in life.
You have no choice but to file for a divorce. Find out who the woman is and sue her in court too during your divorce. A lawyer can explain it to you in detail. File on the gounds of Adultry and if he leaves, file for abandonment as well. Don't ever let a man trap you and treat you this badly. Get out while you can. The longer you live like this, the more it can make you mentally sick. God Bless.
2007-06-15 20:33:00 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This almost made me cry, he is heartless and what makes him think he is a good husband. A good husband does not disrespect his wife like that then tell you to deal with it. He's a bully! I'm sorry, but either you get out and if you can't because of finances you need to start enjoying your life go out and hang out with friends. Move on emotionally it's obvious he doesn't care too much for you if he treats you like that. I know it's hard but you have too he is going to make you life so miserable, you'll become depressed, insecure, paranoid and will always be lonely. He will damage and bruise your heart for life and you won't be able to have a healthy relationship. So the sooner you get out the sooner your life will start again and you can heal for that man thats trying to find you.
2007-06-15 20:36:21 · answer #5 · answered by Smile 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Until you leave him you are always going to be depressed and it won't get any better. He wants the best of both worlds and you are just expected to accept it! Who does he think he is to treat you like you have no feelings? He is degrading you and dragging you down and if you don't get out of this situation you will lose your self esteem completely. You desrve better! I know it's so hard for you because you obviously love him and value your marriage but enough is enough!
2007-06-15 20:31:22 · answer #6 · answered by Mez 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
1. see a lawyer and find out your rights re: child support, alimony, etc. in case of divorce.
2. give him the option of going to therapy to work on your marriage.
3. if he does not agree, tell him you are filing for a divorce and kick the a*s out.
- prepare your self, get your stuff together - he is using emotional blackmail to try to get you to accept something that he knows is wrong (how is he being a good husband to you now?)
2007-06-15 21:16:59 · answer #7 · answered by stuck 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow he needs a swift kick in the ***. u have to decide if u are willing to accept this as a part of ur life. I wouldnt stay but to some people the happiness of their kids keeps them there but ur kids wont be happy if u r depressed all the time so if its going to ruin u then u must leave. but if u cant get past it then u should try for the ur kids sake.
2007-06-15 20:28:08 · answer #8 · answered by bigmomma916 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a divorce, he is committing adultery. He has no respect for you at all. You'll get the kids, the house, child support and alimony. He doesn't deserve to be married to you. You are worth far more than that. Don't let him keep walking all over you. Your marriage is over. You have to face that fact.
2007-06-15 20:30:05 · answer #9 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you accept this situation.....be ready for the next step: be treated the rest of your life like a THING not like a person, a women who deserves respect, like his children's mother.
No way!!!... you are a women who needs to know thatyou DO NOT need a man to survive.
Come on!! Stand up..... look for a mirror and look and ask yourself: Do you deserve this "marriage" (btw this is not a marriage...he just need a housekeeper for free) Hello!!!
2007-06-15 20:24:52 · answer #10 · answered by ♥Erika♥ 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋