how do you get out of a bad relationship when you have no money 2 kids, no family and are on verge of disaster

Question

i have 2 kids ,been with this man for 12 years he has already gotten me to mortgage my home which was paid for.im on disability because of COPD.he has left now ,been gone 1 week,hes at his moms,.he doesnt know if we have food or what.hes a trucker,last week he flipped out on some kinda drug and has never came back his dad had to go get him,his dad delivered his load and hes been laid up at his moms .he hasnt called or nothing.im getting cutoff notices on bills and stuff,he acts if ive done something to him.i dont know what to do.his mom want talk to me or the kids its like they are the royalty and me and kids dont exist,im scarred im gonna loose my home.can someone tell we what to do or where to go.i need help bad.its plain he doesnt love me or he would be here,right?but isnt there a law he cant just leave me and the kids with nothing but cut off notices

Answer 1

First and foremost, be up front with your debtors. If there are children in the home certain utilities cannot be shut off. As for your home, there are certain program you can enroll in to save yourself from foreclosure. As for your children's father (it would be different if he was your husband....he has abandoned his children and there are law against that) if you are unwed the least you can do is sue for child support. You are in a very tough situation but information will help you through. Go to your Job and family services to find your options. This type of situation is happening all around us and there are dozens of programs that have been put in place for you and your children. Do not drag your feet, get the ball rolling tomorrow. Good luck.....my thoughts are with you!

Do not be prideful, your children are what is most important. Do not be afraid to ask help that is way it is there.

Answer 2

File for a divorce, you don't need some drug addict around you and your kids. You don't want your kids growing up thinking its ok to do drugs. Do what you can to get child support. In the mean time go to your local welfare office and apply for assistance (medical & food provisions) to help you out. (DO NOT BE TOO PROUD TO EXCEPT PUBLIC ASSISTANCE). You have worked, you have paid into the system now its time for the system to help you. They should also be able to help you with your utilities. Find yourself a good bankruptcy lawyer and file Chapter 13 with all your bills you're having trouble paying. File only your past due payments of your mortgage, this will help you save your home. Hopefully the only bill you will have is your back mortgages to pay to the bankruptcy court and you have to make sure you pay your monthly house note on time every month or the program want work. Call our debtors to let them know you filed bankruptcy and this will stop the collection calls. Put some faith and trust in God to see you through this.

Answer 3

From what you wrote, I am assuming you two were never married. You mention that you are on disability. My first thought is for you to contact SS's. Explain your situation and they can direct you to the proper people for additional benefits you may be eligible for. Also, the electric companies and oil companies have funding programs available for those in need of emergency services. You may have an insurance policy(s) that has a cash value you can borrow from. Or something you can sell.
Is your significant other a co-signer on anything you two own? If so, they will look to him for the balance of those unpaid bills. In the meantime, are there some things you can go without temporarily (just so you can make your mortgage payment), like the phone, internet , and/or cable? Also, contact an attorney that advertises for a free consultation.
Best of luck to you.

Answer 4

After 12 years, in many states, you would have what is recognized as a "common law" marriage (I'm assuming the two kids are his, too). Call your state's Bar Association and ask for a source of free legal aid and find out where you stand. You may have grounds for a divorce and alimony/child support. Check some of the large churches in your area, too, and see about help -- many communities have a food bank that helps families in your situation, and may be able to help you with funds for emergency electricity, water, etc. At least it will buy you a little time. Good luck.

Answer 5

Nearly every large city and most small ones have some sort of shelter or emergency housing for women in trouble. Call the police or a church and ask where the organization is that runs them for your area. Then get in touch to find out what they offer. You may need to call several in order to find what you need, but it will be worth it. Often they have programs where you can find financial advice, medical assistance, help with education, jobs or training, and counseling to help you get on your feet. You don't need to be or feel like a victim here. This guy is a user and a sleeze. Why do you need him? Your children are learning that this is the "normal" home.

Here are some good websites:
http://www.ehow.com/how_2036860_womens-shelter.html
http://www.stopvaw.org/Safety_Planning.html
http://www.artistshelpingchildren.org/shelters.html

Answer 6

For the immediate future contact the red cross and saint vinnies and places like that and tell them your situation, they will help you so you dont lose power etc,, and go without food now. Also call centrelink, if your on a disability pension and tell them he has left you adn will not be coming back, tell them what you told us and they may also give you a loan as well as single parent pension (which should considerably up you payments from what they are now, seeing as he is out of the picture)

Long term, take his to court for damages, the morgage etc.. the emotional toll its had (if he is in the wrong, I would need nore info to be able to tell if he was completely in the wrong as it usuallty takes two to tango)

But, as of now, he is in the wrong and the only thing that matters is the immediate needs of your kids and you. Then tackle the future.

Goodluck

EDIT:

Sorry I was thinking of Australia when I said centerlink. that is the goverment agency who does the payments for parents, disability etc.. there should be something similar over there yeah?

Oh and those are aussie charities, but go to your own charities and ask for help. there is also a wonderful place in NY that I know of, Id prefer not to write their name here because they get so many false claims and are trying to do such wonderful things.

Email me and I will tell you who they are - they will take care of ALL of your needs and will not let your bills go unpaid. They will also work closely with you until your on your feet.

Message me.

Answer 7

I know you've already gotten alot of answers, but you need to become your own advocate... Start with your local DCFS or Public Aid or Social Services, whatever they call it.. they can help - ask for referrals for food pantries, other assistance like your local "Community Action Agency" - it's a little known federal program - ask about "LIHEAP" - "Low Income Heating and Energy Assistance Program" and other forms of aid.. they usually have a book full of local programs available to help you... For example, when my husband and I were both temporarily disabled, we got "food stamps" and emergency food from a food pantry, LIHEAP paid our electric bills and heating bills plus gave some for next month and on.. CAA has homeless prevention services to help with mortgage payments, they also installed new wiring and windows in our home to make it more energy efficient.. there is all sorts of help out there if you really take it on to find it... and don't feel bad or embarrassed... it's there for a reason - for people when they need it.

Also, find out where your local "legal aid" office is and see if they will help you file any paperwork - sometimes they can help with foreclosures and divorce / custody for free.

Sorry about your hubby... no, that's not okay.

Good luck

Answer 8

See a lawyer immediately and claim abandonement he should be able to help you, in the meantime go to wic, start looking for a job, govt assistance, subsidized daycare etc. Call the billing companies tell them or write a written statement and see what else you can do to stall. Some states not all have companies or agencies that can help save your house, get on the internet and start seraching. Go see your husband, he prob is really messed up, dont yell dont argue get your answers or closure and move on, QUICKLY
Good luck.

Answer 9

No he can't. Try the Salvation Army...they do a lot more than just sell donated clothes. The can cut you a check to help pay those bills. File for government assistance and get an attorney. File for divorce

Answer 10

Not enough info. Were you married? Are they his kids? Have you tried to get a job to bring in some money above and beyond your disability check? How debilitating is the COPD?

If you're not married he still needs to pay child support for his children. If not his children, than no, he doesn't owe you anything unless his name is on the mortgage as co-owner.