Husband won't have sex with me anymore. Help!?

Question

My husband and I have been married almost three years now, together for a total of six years. In the first six months of our relationship he had to talk to me about how he needed more sex in our relationship, so I stepped it up a notch. A few months later, the sex came to a screetching halt. For the past 5 years and still now, we MAYBE have sex once or twice a month. I don't know what to do. He says he isn't cheating and a part of me believes him, but what can I do to make him want me more? I have needs that he isn't fulfulling and I don't want to go outside my marriage. I want my husband to want me again. I am a young attractive woman who enjoys sex. Please help before this ruins my marriage.

I have talked with him about this... for that last 5 years. The first year it was "I feel fat, I am tired, I don't feel good"... now it's "I'm watching tv, I'm tired, I'm not in the mood"... all of which are ok sometimes but he ALWAYS has an excuse. I am left taking care of myself but I am tired of doing that. I want to be intimate with my husband.

Oh, and we have gone to couples therapy. The last two time the therapist tried to bring up our sex life, my husband quickly found something else to start in on and we have yet to discuss it. The therapist has made it known that she is aware he is trying to avoid the topic.

I haven't changed much from when we met. I am still 5'2", 100 lbs., and petite. I have taken up golf to share in his interests because he wanted me to and I thought it would help him find me more interesting.

Answer 1

That's a very complicated problem.

You DEFINITELY need to sort this one out with a marriage counselor.

Answer 2

Every marriage has to work hard when it comes to sex. You have to find new and exciting ways to spice it up. Try wearing a t-shirt with nothing underneath and when he comes through the door bend over and invite him to enter you hard and long. Try some roll playing like single woman and the plumber he walks in the door and your in something short and skimpy and tell him you have a leak that needs to be fix and flirt with him the whole time. Admire how find he is and you like strong men that know how to handle tools and could he handle your tools. have sex on the floor, bathroom, on the counter top anywhere you fall. When he comes home have a warm bubble bath with candles ready and show him something you will put on andything just to get him to rise. If none of this work and he still does not pick you up and skrew your brains out then your worst nightmare has come he's cheating, and has been cheating for a while. If he just all of a sudden stop having sex with you for no reason and he comes home knowing that it's been awhile for the both of you he's cheating. No man can resist the calling of a womans vagina especially when it's right there open, and wet ready for him there hormones won't let them. Men are just as horny than women. So baby girl you have a lot to think about and you know that it is a possibility that he is cheating so now you have to decide if your willing to stay with him after you know that it may be possible.

Answer 3

All interesting answers above me!

You believe he isn't cheating, so what does that leave?

He should have a complete physical and hopefully be comfortable enough to tell the doctor about his lower sex drive.
Some causes of loss of sexual activity can be stress, confusion over sexual identity (sorry but I had to include this),
unfulfilled needs, fantasy obsession that aren't met by or possibly not discussed with a partner due to shame. Loss of attraction or emotions that would normally lead to physical intercourse. Depression ( one of the most undiagnosed but treatable diseases!) Hormone imbalance, prostate problems, heart disease, diabetes...... the list goes on and on.

My suggestion is to tell him you love him, your are very worried about his health and ask or beg him to see a doctor for a physical. You can tell him that it is up to him to follow through with this and that if he loves you and is committed to your marriage he will try this avenue. If he's already seen a doctor and has a clean bill of health, ask him to go to a sex or marriage counsellor with you. You want to come to a compromise that is comfortable for both of you and may need outside help to find the right balance. I wish you the best of luck!

Answer 4

There may be a physiological cause which (being male) he's too embarassed to address. He should see a doctor to rule that out first because that problem won't clear up on its own, and may even worsen,but can be easily treated in a non-invasive manner if he will only face the problem.(Is he diabetic?)
Once physical causes have been ruled out, counseling to sniff out any underlying psychological causes should be explored. It's a touchy subject, I know, and God knows it's not a subject we men go charging into, but we can be coaxed into facing hard facts with a supportive and loving woman in our corner. Good luck to you both.

Answer 5

He got an overkill. It will take time to get over it. Intimacy has to be measured so that it won't lose its appeal. He has gotten used to you too. If he is home and not cheating, tolerate him. Then have him check his blood pressure and prostate gland. Both can have an adverse affect. Stimulate yourself another way if you need to, but infidelity should be the very last thing on your mind. Evaluate yourself and see where your priorities are. Good luck

Answer 6

he sounds like my wife,hope you get better results than i have. i think my wife likes the security,and benefits of marrige,but not the responcibility.i've come to the conclusion she had rather have someone else than me,and if things don't change we are headed for divorce.life is to short to live miserable,there are other fish in the sea,and i'm sure there is one out there that can fullfil your needs.i just decided i was fighting a losing battle.a spouse should not have to beg for sex.i just turned 38 and i feel i'm still young enough to start all over again,although i'd love for my wife to change,but i figure after 7yrs,she'll never change,at least not for me anyway

Answer 7

Well just as he tallked to you about his wants/needs some years before maybe you could try doing the same....communication is important in a marriage...as far as you going outside your marriage goes.....you can always please yourself-you made a lifetime commitment when you got married to your husband. not to another man....just talk to him....and what would make you worry about him cheating? Trust is a whole seperate issue.

Answer 8

This is a strange question to me. Your sex life came to a complete stop??? That confuses me. Besides blaming it on the obvious "cheating" maybe look at his lifestyle. Does he work a lot?? He could just be tired? I don't know...but trust me...I know how frustrated you are!!! I only hope it gets better :)

Answer 9

You say ,you are attractive. What does he think?
How fat have you gotten? 6 years at 5lbs. a year I'd bet you weigh 30lbs more than when you got together.
If you want the sex to be the way it was then, be the You ,You were then.

Answer 10

just because someone isn't interested in sex doesn't mean they are cheating. maybe he is going through a rough spot in his life right now. stress and or work could be a reason he isn't really happy. instead of making assumptions try talking with him and finding out if everything is okay with him. be his friend.

Answer 11

You can try Doing something new or kinky like dress up in an apron(only an apron) and make him a good meal, just be interested in what he likes and make an effort to understand it so you can discuss it, or you can cheat but i would not recommend that.