My bf's father is in rehab for drug use. His family and I are trying to convince him a couple of times to come visit with them. It seems that he took this really pretty hard and had a difficult time dealing with his anger for his dad. I know he is not ready to see his father yet (after 5 months). But I am pretty sure this will also be a form of therapy for him in a way in dealing with his anger. How can I convince my bf to go without being pushy? He is always trying to make excuses not to go. I know the other family members are now upset with him because its hard to convince him. And what is the need for my bf to be there anyway? I mean, what do they do to family members of rehab patients? Will my bf undergo therapy as well, for trauma, etc.? Tomorrow is the day they will visit his father in rehab... in time for Father's Day. :)
2007-06-15 18:48:09 · 3 answers · asked by joe_logs_a_co 3 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
what they do varies from place to place. The best healing happens when all family members participate. Your boyfriend cannot be forced to attend. He may have been so emotionally injured he cannot yet be part of the therapy for his dad. His father made those causes and is now getting the effects. It may be that the dad has to see how much pain he caused others, and make a sincere apology for it. Often apologies are not believed until there is a new track record of positive behavior. He will have to work on this with his counselors and therapists. Your boyfriend may also need counseling in order to be able to forgive his father. A father's day without his son might just help him recover.
You might ask him just once if he will go, then stop. Don't point out how good it would be for his father if he goes, don't beg or threaten. Just let what ever results be. As the saying goes, time heals all wounds.
2007-06-15 19:19:21 · answer #1 · answered by Jeanne B 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your bf doesn't have to do anything he doesn't want to. The rehab center isn't going to make your bf even sit more for than two seconds. However, please let him know that part of his dad's rehab likely has to do with making a REAL appology. Not one of the drug induced appologies of the past. His father has to look him in the eye and genuinely say something like, "I screwed up, royally. I destroyed your life, I destroyed mine, I can't take it back and I'm sorry...." I think your boyfriend may want to hear this just so that he can either determine whether he wants to continue a realationship with the clean version of his dad or if he feels that he doesn't ever need to see his dad again. Its his choice but let him know that if he goes, he can tell the other family members to back off, because he did his part and he wants to move on. This may be the healthiest way to do it. (My dad never got the chance to see his mom sober, he died when he was 29, and he was a bitter man when it came to any discussions about mothers. My grandmother got sober nine or ten years after his death.) Let him know it will allow him to feel a bit of peace to hear the real appology out of his father's mouth.
2007-06-15 19:44:26 · answer #2 · answered by blue25tulip 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is fortunuate to still have the opportunity. As long as his dad never hurt him. It is the father who hurt himself. He is on the right road. Lets hope his son is there for him. My brother now passed because he did not get close to my-his dad. Now my-our dad passed. If he does not go, that is alright too. He needs to figure things out. The sooner the better though. Happy Fathers Day!
2007-06-15 19:23:10 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋