Should one stay in a mediocre/ like-warm marriage?

Question

I have been married for nearly ten years and have two children. My husband isn't bad at all. There is no abuse, he is a hard worker, and he is a simple man. However, I do not like his negative traits - things that are so part of who he is, I'm not sure if a lifetime of being his wife is worth it. He has no social graces, he is rude and abrupt, rarely smiles, and he yells at the kids. He is also a recovering alcoholic / pothead, doesn't want to try anything new, and seems like he is nicest to me when he is horny. Otherwise, he is like an orge. He has ballooned up to almost 300 pounds, and simply, I am not attracted to him anymore. Yeah, yeah, people have suggested married counseling, but really guys, "talking" about better communication is not something he has ever been good at. And will practicing "kissing" and talking about sex with him going to turn me on someday? I may stay for the sake of the kids, but for those of you who can relate and have stayed, is it worth it?

Answer 1

10 years is a long time to be involved in anything. You already know what the answers are to the questions that you are asking, but you are not ready to make a move as yet.

Life is too short and if he is not contributing to the marriage and bringing some happiness in your life and lives of the children, then you need to rethink things. Not just him, but yourself and the lives of your children.

I say spend some time apart for awhile and see how that goes. I would suggest therapy, but people only change if they want to. Not that I am knocking therapy, but it is not for everyone.

Your husband has his own issues and he needs to deal with those first before he can focus on you and the kids (the family unit), he is probably unhappy too and don't know how to tell you.

Good luck, you have a road ahead, but please keep in mind that longer you wait to make a decision the harder this is going to get.

God Bless!

Answer 2

I say stay for the kids sake. If he isn't abusive and is good to the kids and you, stay. I really think you could both do with counseling, separately and together. If he won't go then go alone, at least it will give you an outlet for venting that you won't have to at home.
Remember, you picked this man to father your kids. Even if you left him he would still be in your life as long as you have the kids. I think you owe your kids a dad and an intact family. It's much easier to leave than it is to stick it out but in the long run it will be better for the kids....and maybe even you. I wish you well.

Answer 3

I know two women who've left thinking they'd find someone better, and then reality hit. They're both lonelier than they were before. The kids are going to pay the price in a divorce.
Try and get back to what you found in him when you married him. If he's a decent guy, improve the marriage instead of bailing. People can be reconnected. Never throw anyone away... especially not the father of your precious children.

Answer 4

You know what you do, honestly? Separate. Don't get a divorce or anything crazy like that (yet). Just spend some time apart, and tell him you think it might be permanent. But once you are gone, once he realizes, wow hey I had a good thing going here... He will realize the error of his ways. And if he doesn't (he probably will) then you deserve better. That's my opinion. Try to work it out, but you deserve to be happy. Really happy. He obviously made you really happy before, or you wouldn't have married him. He is capable of doing it again; he just needs a kick in the pants.

Answer 5

don't have sex with a man that has turn you off and if he ask why not then that the time to tell him that he is an oger. No one can make you love him and what kind of role molde he makes for the kids . do you want your kids to turn out like there dad? seperate for awhile and see if he is will to change himself if not well you know what you need to do.

Answer 6

Tell him how you feel and start putting him on a diet and tell him that you are concerned about his health and would like to have a husband that cares enough about himself to takecare of himself. Buy healthier foods and portion out his meal. Talk to his doctor about it.

As for the other stuff it really sounds like he doesn't care about himself.

REmember your vows: for BETTER or for WORSE? This may be the worse.........

The next time he yells at the kids yell at him and tell him your tired of it and he needs to grow up and start using manners and setting a better example for the kids. If this is how he is then you proably knew he behaved like this before marriage.

Good luck!

Answer 7

For the kids, yes, but after they are grown fine someone new. Find some handsome, well off, fit, romantic guy who will cherish you and kiss you passionately all over! You deserve it! Life is too short.

Answer 8

Why did you marry him in the first place? Obviously if he has no social skills now, that means he didn't then either, and yet you still married him.

You need couples therapy. Talking out isses and trying the exercises the counselor gives you can help.

Answer 9

just wondering, wasn't he like this before you married him

girl, run, jump, hide...staying for the sake of the kids is just as damaging than you leaving

why keep your children around someone like this

it seems like you grew up and he hasn't
if i were you i would not be spending the latter part of my years in misery.

leave and keep your sanity

Answer 10

If you are that unhappy, then it may very well be time to move on. If he is not making you happy, you are probably not making him happy. Life is way to short to be miserable.