My husband said that if I gained too much weight he would leave me. What to do?

Question

My husband and I have been together for 6 yrs now and have 2 kids. I am currently 60lbs. over weight. I have gained 30lbs since we've been married. He has gained 50lbs. He asked me today if I was gonna let myself get as big as my ex-sister-in law who is 300lbs. I am nowhere near that. I said no but what if I did? And he said that he would leave me. This hurt so much b/c I feel like if he loved me then it shouldn't matter what I look like. I don't eat alot but I don't excersize either. And he will not get healthy with me. So what do I do now, punch him in the face or try and lose the weight?

He said that he would drop his weight. And said that he doesn't understand why I'm upset b/c he was just being truthful.

Answer 1

Honestly it does really hurt when a husband says that, and I agree, if he really loves you it shouldn't matter what you weigh... But men are very visual and some really don't like any extra weight on their wives. Since you have 2 kids I think leaving because of a very insensitive and hurtful comment wouldn't necessarily be wise, but you're the one that has to live with him. If he makes you feel bad about yourself in other ways too then it is time to think about whether you want to live the rest of your life with a man who doesn't really support you.

If you love him and want to stay, then start exercising. But don't do it for him. Do it for yourself. It will come off, and you'll enjoy better health and get some self esteem. A lot of self esteem will come from other men staring, flirting, etc. Once you lose the weight and get some self esteem back you might realize that he is a jerk who treats you badly and you might decide to find someone who will treat you far better. Then you can take your new hot bod somewhere else and he'll be the one wishing he had treated you better.

Answer 2

You have two children that need both parents. It sounds a little selfish on your husband's part, especially because he also has gained weight, but I'm sure you want him to find you attractive.

It's not only the fact that he said he would leave you, I can understand your hurt feelings.. but also, it's not good for you, for your health. Obese people have a lot of healthy problems.

Make an effort for the sake of your marriage and your two precious kids. That is, if you love him of course, and want your marriage to go on.

First of all stop eating sweets. Those are the worst, and limit the amount of oil or fat in your meals. Eat everything but in small qualities.

One Little trick is to eat a big salad and then eat a little of the rest. The salad will make you feel full and the fact that the last food you had was, let's say a piece of meat or chicken, or whatever, will fool you and you'll feel as if you had eaten more of those.

Exercising helps a lot. Walking is a good exercise and it doesn't need a lot of effort.

People tell you he's a jerk but they don't even know him. You are the only one who knows that. He may be trying to force you a little to become aware of the problem by saying those things. Maybe he loves you more than you think.
.

Answer 3

Comprimise.

You don't want to be 60 pounds overweight (I'm guessing), I'm sure that if he's gained a nice 50 pounds that he can't keep up with the kids. Kids being active is a problem these days, make the fitness thing a family thing, husband too.

This has to be a team thing, raising the kids, losing weight, that's the whole theme of marriage. I'd also explain to the husband how much those comments hurt you.

Exercise is key. But keep it fun.

Answer 4

You should both loose the weight. You do not say how tall you are, or he is. You do not say how much you weigh or he does. You do not say how old you are. But, if you let yourself go, you must suffer the consequences. But, so must he suffer.

You might tell him how much a divorce will cost him, and what child support costs these days. But, if you love him and want to keep him and you happy, loose the weight. The older you get, the harder it is and the more you put on. Men are visual creatures. And, it has nothing to do with being shallow. And I would say that there is more than fat in the mix. Are you also a bitc*? Or a nag? Do you complain all day? Do you work outside the home? In short, do you make his home life unpleasant? Or do you take good care of him? Good luck lady!

Answer 5

Lose a whole lot of unsightly weight fast.Lose the loser hubby.He has no right to tell you that.If you are overweight and it bothers you.Than lose the weight but don't lose it for him.If he would seriously leave you over weight gain.He would leave you for any other reason he could concoct.I understand that sometimes men or even women aren't attracted to their mates because of their weight.And I am with that because you can't help how you feel if it is unattractive to you its just the way it is.But to threaten you with leaving is wrong.I have put on weight since I have been with my hubby to.But he hasn't ever even made any sort of comment about my weight.And my hubby hasn't put on weight since we have been together.He still has a very hot body six pack abs the whole nine yards.He makes brad Pitt look like a slob.But he knows that no two people are the same and that no two people have the same metabolism.He is always respectful of me and has never once in 17+ years ever made not one rude comment towards me or even said a single out of line thing.

Answer 6

I know LOSE THE WEIGHT is not anywhere as easy as it sounds. I have 2 kids and I am abotu 80 overweight or so. When he married me I was only 30 over wieght. HEs thin , never had weight issues and never will. He can eat a horse and not gain weight.
I know my husband doesnt say lose weight or I will leave you but I SEE it in his eyes. It breaks my heart to see that he doesnt respect me or see me as worth much because I am fat .
I really dont know how, there is NOTHING you can do but lose the weight. Dressing up, doing yrou hair, getting new clothes will not change anything. Whats more depressing is even if you do all of that mine still ignores me! Its like we dont connect much anymore. I dont know to say except good luck.

Answer 7

I don't think you should live in fear of him leaving you. It sounds like you're both talking in extremes - he's thinking 300 lbs which is, as you say, far from your current weight, and I'm guessing that the chances of you getting to that are very slim. And I think you heard his comment and processed it as "if I don't lose all this weight, he'll leave me".

Just talk it out. Tell him it hurt your feelings that he implied he wouldn't be sticking around for the "or worse" part of the vows, and give him a chance to rephrase.

If he doesn't rephrase, THEN punch him in the face.

Answer 8

Punch him in the face. He is a jerk. Loose the weight for yourself, if you want to. i took some medication for Insomnia and gained 45lb in 9 days. I'm not kidding. I don't eat alot either. If he's gained 50lb, then he's gotta be a scream to look at himself. Apparently, he's not looking at himself.

You are a cutie and everyone else says so. Just stay out of the sweats and big floppy clothes. Everything you wear should fit and show you off. It will make you look smaller too. all of a sudden people wil start asking have you ben loosing weight and you can sit back and eat the compliments while he has egg on his face (Dumb look).

Don't be down, Be fabulous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Besides you know that the penis shrinks on a fat man.

Answer 9

Only because it is so easy to fall into obesity and many health issues come with that, YOU NEED TO LOOSE THE WEIGHT FOR YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN...FORGET FATSO!

My sis-in-law, who died with lukemia, weighed 467lbs at the time of her death. She was 58 yo. 5'8" tall. She was always a large woman of about 300lbs when she married. My brother loved her dearly and deathly. He never complained. I found out after her death, that she had such a slow matabolism, that it was virtually impossible for her to loose the weight, once it got to a certain point. Weight does a lot of damage to our bodies and is an INVITATION to so many other illness'. Don't be a victim. Find support at a woman's club. HUBBY WILL PAY FOR IT. ONCE YOU GET STARTED, IT WILL MAKE YOU FEEL REALLY GOOD AND IT DOES NOT TAKE LONG TO BECOME A HABIT/LIFESTYLE.

Once you loose a goal of 35 lbs, set a new goal, but don't get too small. Then, you can tell him the same thing....ASK HIM IF HE NEEDS A DIVORCE TO GET HIS BUTT SMALLER?

Don't be hurt, he was trying to tell you that he wants to stay attracted to you and a lot of men find it hard to do that when you get larger....JERKS, IT WAS HIS KIDS THAT CONTRIBUTED TO THAT. Celebrate his honesty and allow yourself to do it for you and the kids. Overweight people do not live as long as smaller people and you need to be here for your children, if nothing else.

Get your thick skin on and let it thin out as you loose weight. BE GOOD TO YOURSELF, GOD BLESS, GOOD LUCK.

Answer 10

Lose the weight if YOU want to. Your husband should NEVER MAKE YOU FEEL LESS THAN A PERSON because of your weight, that's just awful!!! Tell him that it's very hard for women to lose weight after having a baby and it can take a long time.

Weight should never be an issue, I mean look at beautiful hollywood stars, they get cheated on too and they weigh nothing!