the father of my baby (my ex) left when i was 3 months preg. i havnt talked to or seen him at all since. ive moved on and dealt with everything on my own. he knows its past my due date. the baby hasnt been born yet but he's calling non-stop. since he's been gone for all these months, would i legally be required to have a paternity test if he calls for one? what are the legal consequences to him for not being involved for so long? he's the kind of guy that would be involved for a few months once the child is born and once he gets bored he'll leave...what can i do to legally keep him out of the child's life so the baby wont get hurt. i understand he's the bilogical father, but being a real dad is more than just being a sperm provider...
2007-06-15 16:41:34 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
Re: Freedom
the boy smokes pot, snorts cocain, and is irresponsible, immature, and wild. this is not the type of person who would make a good father, and he is not the type to change in any circumstance. its not a matter of me resenting him for leaving me, i can care less, i wasnt hooked on this boy, i just happened to make a very dumb decision with someone i hardly knew...but thats behind me now, my main concern is not letting this child be hurt anymore than he already will be (i.e. not having a dedicated father that truly loves him)
2007-06-15 17:02:18 · update #1
Re: Re: Freedom
it is my fault for not giving ALL details about him, but i thought it quicker to just state his intent on running from the situation. the truth is i do not understand HIS motives or HIS intentions for only now trying to see how the baby is and that is why i mentioned he left at 3 months and has not been curious about the outcome until now.
2007-06-15 17:41:52 · update #2
Re: Re: Re: Freedom
agreed, with your advice in combination with ME's suggestion (the post following yours), i think the baby's daddy will be given ample opportunity to prove himself a good father. if it doesnt work out after my efforts to simplify things, then ill just deal with that part when it comes. thank you for replying to my question...and thank you to everyone else as well!
-Amarie
2007-06-15 18:30:53 · update #3
My son's father was like that... I just gave the baby my name, and didn't put him on the birth certificate. I didn't mention this to him though. Then I let him come and see him. I set up days that he was allowed to come. (like 3 days a week for 2 hours) he came a few times, then he started missing days etc... (I never filed for support or asked for any) Once he started missing days I told him that he either had to be there at all of his visits, or at least call me and cancel... he still didn't show up... The reason I never filed child support on him, is because I knew that once he had to pay, in his mind, he would feel like he was paying for the right to see him, and would be more likely to try to get visitation through the court... So then after a few months of him not visiting, he called and wanted to see him.. So I told him that he could see him if he promised to do it on a schedule and he couldn't miss any of his visits.. he of coarse saw him once and didn't show up again... at this point my son was over a year old, and he had not paid child support this whole time.....Sooo I told him that if he wanted to see him, then I was going to file child support AND back child support! This scared him away.. (he would have owed a lot of money) So basically I just made it where I had some power.... (Sorry that was so long, I hope you get what I was trying to tell you...)
Also be sure to breastfeed as long as possible... so that if he does decide to try to get visitation, the court will consider the breastfeeding and wont let the baby go over night, or over a certain amount of time..... GOOD LUCK!!!
2007-06-15 17:09:44 · answer #1 · answered by ME 5 · 4⤊ 2⤋
unfortunately, there are no legal consequences for him not being there throughout the pregnancy... however, if he does petition the courts for a paternity hearing, and he is proven the father, he will THEN be legally responsible for the care of that child i.e. child support. It is possible that the court could award him visitation, but based upon his track record you shouldn't have any trouble seriously limiting the time and you could even ask for supervised visits. Now, if ALL of this happens and a few months go by, and lo and behold, he's bored again and runs off... well now there's where the legal consequences come in play... if he's not paying child support, in some states, he could be arrested...
anyhow.. hope this helped... =)
2007-06-15 16:51:51 · answer #2 · answered by JC4479 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unless he signs over his rights, you cannot keep him from the child, unless you prove that he is unfit. And legally, if he wants to see the child, when they set up child support (which is usually a given when someone wants visits & such), he can request a DNA test. There are actually not legal consquences for him being gone at all, my friend had her boyfriend avoid her until the baby's birth, he vanished, then showed up when the little girl was 5 years old & they were attempting to have her husband adopt her. He had to pay support & such, but he was allowed visits with the child. You could always contact a lawyer, but like I said, the only way for sure is to have him sign over his rights or get his rights taken for being unfit, which usally takes alot of work, time, & money. Sadly, being a jerk who doesn't come around isn't proof of "unfit" in the eyes of the law. Good luck.
2007-06-15 16:48:01 · answer #3 · answered by layla983 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing you can do legally to keep him out of the child's life if he is the biological father unless he signs away all parental rights. If he goes to court and requests a DNA test yes you do have to comply or you will go to jail. There are no legal consequences for a biological father not being involved during the pregnancy, or even in the child's life. You can however file for child support from him.
2007-06-15 16:49:56 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here's a case where you can turn to the whole Anna Nichole (sp?) saga. She didn't want Larry Birkhead to get a paternity test, but he fought for one and eventually got it.
If your ex asks for one and can prove that there's good enough reason to believe that he may be the father (i.e. he can establish that he was your boyfriend at the time you got pregnant) then a judge will probably issue an order for a paternity test.
Your best course of action will be to document in writing all of his behavior so that if it comes to a court custody case you'll have an argument as to why you should be awarded custody over him.
2007-06-15 16:47:11 · answer #5 · answered by Heather Y 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately you chose to bed him...I got put in same boat...and he has every right as a parent....Your best bet if possible is to go talk to an attorney. But I know from my experience he can do what ever he wants to and get away with it....my ex comes in and out of their life....judge says since he doesn't abuse them he has rights....Do yourself a favor though and keep a log on his actions and words with baby when possible....when he shows up log it..when he leaves log it....so if needed you can show judge how much time he spends with child and judge can see how he takes off for months on end....Good Luck and God Bless!
2007-06-15 16:50:46 · answer #6 · answered by grdnangel0209 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why does it sound like you wanna punish him for leaving you??
There are no consequences for him not being involved while you are pregnant. Its all about what he's doing once the baby is born. And it sounds like he's trying to be there for the baby.
Get over your resentment and let him give fatherhood a try
Re: Amarie
Seeing as how not at one time did you mention this activity but made it a point to mention him leaving you I question your motives
If you question his motives, ask him. See if you can tell whether or not he is sincere in wanting to be around. I dont know him personally but when guys first find out a girl is pregnant they get freaked out especially if its unplanned. It just takes them longer to come around, as apposed to the woman who has no choice but to come around alot quicker. My boyfriend and I have been together in a very comitted relationship for 6 yrs and when I told him, he didnt want to talk about it for for the next 2 months (we would only talk about it in spurts brought up by me). Now that shes here you cant get him to put her down. This is not to say this will be the case for your guy but I think its only fair to give him a chance but only if he can clean up his act (drugs and immaturity)
2007-06-15 16:54:05 · answer #7 · answered by Oops! 6 · 4⤊ 1⤋
You need an attorney. If he is definately the baby's biologocal Father, he will have all the rights you do unless proven unfit. I just went throught this a couple years ago. I know it may not be the answer you want to read, but it is the law. Good luck!
2007-06-15 16:48:00 · answer #8 · answered by snowman68 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First, relax. If he pushes you for visitation tell him to arranged for the paternity test. This will be at his cost. When the test proves to him that he is in fact Dad tell him to get a lawyer and you should also get one and then sit down and come up with a visitation schedule. For him to come to you to see the baby. You have no reason to let him take the baby. You and your lawyer need to make it clear to his party that child support and reliable visitation makes a parent and if both of these agreed upon terms are not met that you will pursue having his parental rights terminated.
I did this when my daughter was born and we are both better off for it.
2007-06-15 16:50:15 · answer #9 · answered by New England Babe 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
you need to go to court and tell them that he is not a good example for ur kid try to take any kind of prof saying he was never there and that he never help you he could lose the right to be around the baby.
2007-06-15 16:52:48 · answer #10 · answered by erica r 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋