I am currently pregnant, and I would like to get married to my boyfriend of seven years so that our baby has the same last name and has both parents. We can make it financially on our own. We have no loans, I have a health insurance, and I have enough savings for a year.
My boyfriend has two more semesters of college to complete.
His mother thinks that we should get married next year after the delivery, meanwhile I should live with my parents because "baby would interfere with my boyfriends studies and he is not ready for the responsibility while at school". She said that in America there is no shame to carry somebody's baby and be unmarried.
My boyfriend does not want to chose between me and his mother, and wants to satisfy both of us. He says it is up to me if we get married right now, but he will stay with me no matter what.
I want another perspective. Is his mother right and I am just being paranoid?
2007-06-15 16:37:51 · 18 answers · asked by sweetundina 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The other answers are good, but I also want to add that you can get what you want many different ways than marriage. Legally, you can make your child's name whatever you want. And in terms of having both parents - commitment to each other or no, this is a decision that each parents much make on a daily basis, to be involved in their kids' lives.
As for the in-laws, she makes a good point --- but you're not responsible to do what other people think you should do. For every single problem you have, there will be as many opninions on what to do as there are people in your life, you know? So you make ALL the rules in your home (you'll definitely learn that when your kid is a toddler!) and it's up to you to make a mature decision on this one. Best of luck.
2007-06-15 16:46:27 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
You and your boyfriend should make the decisions for your relationship...not his mother. And it sounds like she wants you and your parents to take on most of the responsibilities so her son can be carefree.....very selfish.
Your boyfriend needs to be around the baby as much as you...from the very start to form a bond...
and if you allow rearing a child to start out with you and your parents carrying all the responsibility....it will probably always be that way....your setting yourself up...be careful.
I say get married...he can still go to school and study with a baby around....tons of people do it everyday. His mom is trying to keep him under her thumb as long as possible.
Get married and start your family...don't let his mother call the shots.
2007-06-15 16:45:20 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is going to sound harsh, but here goes....
Your boyfriend needs to quit breastfeeding and make his own life decisions without his mother. Motherly advice is good as long as it is solicited "ADVICE". You deserve somebody who wants to marry you with all his heart and soul, not someone that will just go along with what you want. Plus BIG RED FLAG: "My boyfriend does not want to choose between me and his mother"........it sounds like you would be marrying him and his mother. I don't personally agree that getting married JUST because you are pregnant is a good idea, but either way, you need a man who will stand up for who he loves and what he believes.
I apologize if my answer sounded rude, I have a really overbearing ex mother-in-law and I know how damaging her constant intrusion was to our relationship. Marriage is meant to join two people together, not three. And if he doesn't put a stop to it now, it will only get worse. If you feed something, it grows.....
2007-06-15 16:57:20 · answer #3 · answered by Amber 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your boyfriend is responsible for his baby regardless of his school situation. What a crazy lady! Good luck with that future mom in law! But seriously, this should be a decision between the two of you. You are NOT at all be unreasonable. It is too bad that your bfs mom is putting you two in an akward situation. Don't worry about her. This is about your new family. Get married, have a beautiful baby, and be happy! Good luck.
2007-06-15 16:46:32 · answer #4 · answered by Katie P 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He does need a wakeup call "mama's boy's" are not good husbands. If it were me, I would wait but that is only b/c I would want to make sure I was getting married b/c I loved him and not b/c I was pregnant.
You are not unreasonable..... but just remember that if he has been with you for 7 years he is probably not going anywhere and if you are wanting to get married for support or to make sure that he supports the baby then you do not need to. You name him on the birth certificate. And.. you can always change the baby's name down the road or if I am correct with the law you can allow the baby to have his last name w/o being married.
2007-06-15 16:49:07 · answer #5 · answered by lovnlife 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you are pregnant, he already has distractions, and responsibilities. You folks should get married (at least in a civil ceremony) ASAP. You have a child (or will have) and the child should have both parents! His mother is WAY out of line on this!!
2007-06-15 16:43:46 · answer #6 · answered by fire4511 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
She is logical. Babies take a huge amount of commitment and infants have cost many college degrees. Granted, most people would say 'hell yes it's worth it!' but that isn't the thing that your future mom-in-law is seeing.
For everyone's most secure future, it is ideal to complete the degree.
I understand your concerns though. For you it is a bigger risk than it is for him because he has the option of staying or going, and you are in for the duration. It would be nice to have a 'real' commitment. I get that.
His mother isn't altogether right and you aren't paranoid. But ask yourself "If he finishes school, can our partnersip survive and thrive?"
And just as an fyi, the baby can still have his name and there are fewer people that will see shame in the situation, but they still exist.
Best wishes~
2007-06-15 16:50:48 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
No. His mother is being unreasonable! It is none of her business if you two decide to get married!! If he didn't want a child to interfere in his life, he should have used protection! He needs to deal with his mother now, before it gets worse!
2007-06-15 16:41:59 · answer #8 · answered by QT 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Although the decision is primarily between you two, what's the rush. You two do not need to be married to have his last name. He will have both his parents. It can't be a moral issue because if it was then you would not have had sex BEFORE marriage.
Do not pressure him. If he want to marry you then he will.
2007-06-15 16:51:12 · answer #9 · answered by SexxyDiva w/class 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
his mother sounds like and over bearing b*tch id tell her to stuff it.. all that matters is what he wants he needs to make the choice u have already made urs... its up to him i do not agree with the living in seperate places unless that is what ur doing now... but on the birth certificate all it states is mothers maiden name anyway so no reason not to wait a yr or 2 more save more and having the wedding of ur dreams and ur lil boy or girl will be there to flower girl or ring bearer .. now wouldnt that be amazing? good luck and keep me posted lol
2007-06-15 16:46:30 · answer #10 · answered by Always Asking 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋