I will try to be as brief as possible. I have been with my wife for 7 years, married for 4. For the 1st 6 years everything was great!!! She is beautiful, kind, caring, and feminine. She pushed me the last 3 years to have a baby, and to be more open to her, and show her the affection she diserves. I have had medical and financial issues and really did not give her the attention she deserved. I am finally in a better place with my medical problems and money. So, now, I am looking for her love, and guess what... it is not there. To make matters worse, now she says she does not want to have a baby, because she says she is too old, she is 32. She used to cater too me every step of the way, now it seems like she does not care at all, I asked her about it, she says everything is fine. How do I believe her though? She has been the same person everyday basically for 6 years and then all of a sudden there is this feeling that she just does not care!!! Help, any ideas?
2007-06-15 16:14:58 · 21 answers · asked by bosco_industries 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Hi! ask her to forgive you, that you are changing, tell her you want to make a fresh start from now on....pray, prayer opens the dooor for God to work in our lives.....Jesus loves you
2007-06-15 16:31:00 · answer #1 · answered by Bert 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
That's a very good question.
I've been married for 6 years and can relate to exactly what you're going through. I think there is something that you have to realize. "She pushed me the last 3 years to have a baby, and to be more open to her, and show her the affection she diserves. I have had medical and financial issues and really did not give her the attention she deserve".
3 YEARS.
That's the key in this whole scenario. You went through a 3 year spurt, come out of it and then expect for things to change overnight. You're wife was patient and resilient with you for 3 years, now it's time to reciprocate. It's now your job to stand by your wife. She stood by you through the roughest time of your marriage, now it's showtime. You cater, be kind, caring and masculine. Get more open to her, push for the baby and most of all assure your wife that you are not going anywhere and that you will do whatever you can to regain the trust that was once given to you.
Marriage is about weathering the storm. Your wife has, now it's your turn.
Good luck!
2007-06-15 23:37:21 · answer #2 · answered by clayborne112 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This sounds a lot like my situation. First things first... Your wife should always come first. (Unless you are religous, then God comes first, your wife second). You were so busy focusing on your medical and financial issues that she was neglected. Often times men feel they have to conquer their problems with no help from others - as if that is a sign of weakness. Your problems are her problems. She probably feels shut out. She won't want to have a baby with you if there are problems in the relationship, and it sounds like there are. I am not sure how long it took to get through your issues, but you cannot expect her to wait, and wait, and wait... until it is convenient for you to give her some time. There must be a balance in your life. She needs to feel like a priority. Furthermore, 32 is not old for a baby. Especially nowadays. She may believe she is too old, or, that is the reason she is providing to postpone having children and keep your questions at bay. I understand you must be hurt, but when you say "all of a sudden...she just does not care", I doubt that is true. You were probably wrapped up in your own problems and didn't notice the gradual signs she was giving you. Women have difficulty turning our feelings off with the flip of a switch - it is actually easier for men to do this than women. Pay attention to your wife. Romance her. Surprise her. Communicate with her. Reassure her. You may also want to try a book by Dr. Gary Chapman called The Five Love Languages. Each person has their own "love language". The book teaches you to "speak" your spouse's love language and therefore, be able to provide their needs more effectively. The five love languages are: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Quality Time, Gifts, Physical Touch. For example, your wife may "speak" Quality Time. If you are focused on other issues, and not spending enough time with your wife, she may feel unloved and unwanted. I wish you all the best.
2007-06-15 23:31:17 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
She is still the same person. I am sure she still loves you and cares for you. Put yourself in her shoes. During the time that you were not giving her the attention and affection she needed she probably found ways to make herself happy. Maybe she is content with that now.
If she pushed you for 3 years to be open to her and show affection she may have decided that you may never change....If you think that is the case, make a long term effort to be a loving and supportive husband.
If she helped when you were having medical problems that can be really draining. After taking care of you she may have figured out how much work that it is to care for another person and decided that having a child is not the right decision for her.
If she says everything is fine it probably is. I don't think you should worry about believing her....if she is your wife you should trust her.
2007-06-15 23:36:10 · answer #4 · answered by Ashley W 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
During the time you did not give her the attention she deserved as you stated, she probably went through a lot of changes. When you go through things in life you can't shut out the person that loves and care about you. Because in time they will begin to shut you out in the same way. You can't get back the time you lost but you can share your true feeling with her about the things you were going through. Let her know just how difficult it was for you. Let her know you did not mean to shut her out. This issue can be fixed in time. You will need to continue to work hard at gaining her trust again. She says she is fine, but you know things are not the same. So talk to her and give her time to come around and when she does let her know you will not handle problems in the manner you did this one. Show her the love she deserves by showing her everything about you, the truth at all times. Take Care!
2007-06-15 23:25:59 · answer #5 · answered by relationcounseling 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
6 years is a long time. When a woman passes the age of 30 she changes her outlook on life. If she starts trying to have a baby now at 32 she may well be 35 by the time she actually has the child. when your child is 10 she will be 45. The situation has changed. It was a no no for so long that she resigned. You don`t have to have children to be happy.
2007-06-15 23:22:13 · answer #6 · answered by Jane Marple 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What i am going to tell you will hurt but you need to hear it.
A female can only take so much all we want from men is to be loved and cherished and if we have that there is nothing we wouldn't do for you. I do not have to tell you of all the men out there that will take advantage of her weakness you have caused.She is hungry for attention and the first man who gives her what she has been so longing for she will respond.
One thing you need to no about us women when we fall out of love it does not come back.We can take a lot but when we reach the point of no return its turns to bitterness toward you.
Some women can take it for years but like I said when we lose our feelings for you the marriage is over for us. A lot of women stay in a loveless marriage because they feel trapped
with no where else to go until someone walks into their life.
Remember how it was when you first saw your wife and what you did for her.Remember how you wined and dined her and
the late nights out and coming back to her place or yours and making love.Remember how you would hold her and touch her and look at her.That is what we want from our husbands
but just as soon as we say I do,you stop everything that made us fall in love with you in the first place.It might be to late to save your marriage and I'm not saying it is,what I am saying is learn from your mistakes.
2007-06-16 01:24:03 · answer #7 · answered by Teenie 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I recently had the same problems with my husband, the other way around. Well I catered to him and wasn't getting the reciprocation. Finally...and I say finally bc this was going on for a long long time. We met at a park...and we talked about everything...our fears our disappointments in ourselves and eachother, the things we enjoy, dislike...everything...this honestly has saved our marriage. I was a "everythings fine" wife too, but not anymore. She needs to know that you love her and you have to prove it to her. We were going through financial probs, my hubz had cancer etc. SO of course he lost focus of what was most important in his life...ME...and I NEEDED to hear that from him!!! It is important for you to be vulnerable towards her. She needs to know that its NOT HER. I think you know where I am going with this...you need to both sit down...talk like adults and put everything out on the table if you plan on saving this....it WILL hurt!!! But the END result is going to be awesome!
2007-06-15 23:24:31 · answer #8 · answered by Jayse'sMommy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well i am a little confused it sounds to me that she really wanted to have a baby now she doesn't . you are her husband and you should know her very well if you feel and know that she at one point is gonna want to become a mom, then you should look at your marriage closer because the longer you dont fix it the sooner i feel she will leave because if she want to become a mom and she says no to you then she might be working on someone to have a baby with. talk to her honestly and after that look for the answer in your heart you will know the answer the thing is sometime we dont want to accept it but the sooner you face it the easier it will get for you . good luck
2007-06-15 23:48:00 · answer #9 · answered by karen c 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take a romantic vacation-does she like sun, woods, cold weather? what?
Here's a trick most guys don't do, leave her a note every now and again-I woke up this morning, and was very sad to leave.
Don't do flowers-yet.
Talk to her.
You gotta do some serious work. Figure out her passion and find a way to involve yourself in it. ex:Does she love to write letters? get her an expensive pen.
Does she love to read a certain author, find out where her book signings will be(may be incorporated into vacation)
2007-06-15 23:22:15 · answer #10 · answered by paygan247 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It seems you had all the power at first....you controlled what happened or didn't happen.
Maybe she got tired of letting you have the power and she's taken it back for herself.
You and your wife need a few session with a marriage counselor to find out really what's going on.
2007-06-15 23:19:37 · answer #11 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋