Should I be upset with my stay at home wife/mom because she doesnt do work around the house?

Question

I got married to my wife in late 2004. In 2006 she lost her job and we have been living on just my income since then. I have taken up a second job working nights so that we do not fall behind finacially with the agreement that she would take care of the house and our daughter. But she has not been keeping up with the house. It is literly a pigsty. I work most days from 8am till midnight and a weekend here and there. I dont have the time or the energy to work 80+ hours a week and do all the house work on top of that. And anytime I bring it up she gets all defensive and says that she has trouble just keeping up with our 2 year old. I dont like living like this but i dont know what to do to actually get her to help out. Do I have the right to be upset and does anyone have any suggestions?

Answer 1

Sure you have the right to be upset and you need to talk to her. AGAIN! Explain that you need a clean house, it is important to you. Tell her that you work so that she can stay home and care for your child. Remind her that you are keeping up your end.

I have 8 kids(2 are mine, 3 are his and 3 are ours) and I have a hard time some days keeping up with it all...but it is a far cry from one 2 year old.

Answer 2

Keeping up with a two year old is tough but the house should be kept up somewhat.
I had a friend with a fat *** lazy wife and it was exactly as you described. He tolerated it more than I could have.
In a few years the child should be in school and either she goes back to work or has more time for house work.
I hate to say it but women these days seem to look at mothering and housework as a burden yet the men should still take care of the yard, house, automobiles etc...
You have a right to be mad but maybe the child could go to a mother's day out once a week or so at the local church so that she can get caught up around the house. Somehow women used to get it all done but something has changed.

Answer 3

i understand your frustration, but you have to understand that working 80 hours a week is unreasonable also. she married you and the two of you chose to have a child. does your daughter know who you are? she is working every moment you are out of the house and since you never rest, neither does she. and i suppose you're upset because she isn't keeping up with your laundry? being a stay at home mom is mentally and emotionally exhausting, especially when you have a husband who isn't there, and can't empathize. maybe if you realize that you need to come home more often, she'll be able to relax a bit and get more done around the house... its all connected... trust me

Answer 4

I think you have a right to be pissed off, and you need to let her know it.

I can understand this completely, 15 years ago, it was much the same for me and my ex.

I worked 2 jobs, she was a full time housewife. I dont say Homemaker, because she never did. Dirty diapers on the floor, old cloths and food bowl everywhere, it was disgusting.

Do what I did, lay down the law, tell her if she's not going to clean up, and at least make the house clean (clutter is understandable, she does have a 2 year old, and they do make messes, but filth is unacceptable.) she can get a job and pay for the maid and nanny. ( or daycare)

Its going to start a fight, but you and your 2 year old deserve a house that isn't filthy, and you shouldn't have to do it all. Take away the TV, her books, or whatever she's doing that is more important than cleaning, cause she doesn't need the distraction. Her focus should be the 2 year old, and the house. (in that order)

Answer 5

speaking as a stay home mom, i can tell you that there are times when we wake up and can't bear the thought of cleaning even one more minute.however,at the risk of a thumbs down for sounding anti feminist, if this is the arrangement you two had than you have every right to be annoyed. there really is no reason for it being so bad.
maybe your wife is having a bit of an identity crisis. she went from full time work to full time housekeeper. it could be that she doesn't know how to handle this. it's actually not easy to get used to for some women.

Answer 6

Yes! I would be very upset. I was a stay at home with a 2 yr old and a newborn. My hubby came home to a clean home and a cooked meal. I am sure your daughter keeps her busy but not that busy!!!

You need to be a man and tell her either to get off her butt and clean up the house or get a job. You shouldn't be working two jobs. When do you ever get to spend time with your daughter or your wife?

Also, I wonder if maybe your wife is somewhat depressed. She really should see a doc to be sure that its not an issue.

Good luck!!

Answer 7

I was a stay-at-home-mom for quite a while and its just not as easy as some people seem to think. Some days it seemed like the kids were right behind me tearing up everything that I had just cleaned. When my daughter was two it was worse than ever and a lot of times my husband would come home to a sink full of dishes, no dinner and me telling him that if he didn't give me a break so that I could throw in a load of laundry he wouldn't have clean clothes for work the next day. He complained one too many times and I left him at home with the kids all day. After that if he came home to a mess he just helped straighten it up. Remember that your wife was a working mother and that she probably feels cut off from life, (I did), and that its a hell of a lot harder to stay home than to go to work.

Answer 8

Of course you have the right to be upset. Two-year-olds can be a handful, but it is not like she is caring for ten of them. I manage to work from home part time, homeschool three children (2,6 & 7), cook breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and keep the house clean. I also take care of all the finances and am president of two clubs.

I do have one idea though. She may be overwhelmed because it is her first child. You can help her make a schedule. One sure time to get cleaning done is while your toddler is napping. She can wake up early to shower, get ready for the day, etc. In the evening after she puts the toddler to bed she can pick up around the house and do dinner dishes. If you keep up on it daily it is not so bad. Make sure she has some free time for herself as well. Another idea is to buy your toddler a little toy cleaning set with a tiny broom, sponge, etc. This way while mom cleans she can "clean" too. Little girls love to do this.

Answer 9

Yes you have the right. I hate to say this, but she's a lazy heifer. That's the least she could do. I wish I could stay home.

I work 40+ hours, keep a very clean house, cook, raise the kids and keep my husband happy who by the way works too.

Women have been jugglings multiple duties for years and did it well. You only have a child. Think about our parents and they had large families.

Make you wife go back to work and put your child in day care. She may not be able to find work in her field, but she's needs to find something and help take the load off you and contribute financially.

To think, my husband wants to to stay home and I say no because I don't want him to do what you are doing. Working tirelessly to keep our family comfortable.

I hope you have a Happy Father's day.

Good Luck

Answer 10

I have been in her shoes. I've done the stay at home thing and when I was deppressed the house never got clean and I was defensive when my kids dad would call me on it. not because it wasn't true but he said it in a way that implied all I did all day was take care of a kid so how hard is that. I'll tell you something. It is hard. Do you ever help or even offer? Does she ever get a chance to be a woman and not just a maid and a proffesional buttwiper? do you ever do anything to make her feel special?