should i be worried about my future wife? she works all the time, she cleans all the time and when there is any free time for the both of us to be together she always seems to be busy or reading a book or sleeping. I always have to do what she is doing and she has no interest in anything that i enjoy. we have a kid together that is really why i'm still around. i'm am totally thinking that she hates me and tries to avoid me even though she tells me she loves me everyday. i also feels that she may be using me. every time i ask her for anything she gets very upset - its almost like she's telling me to sit there and shut-up until she feels that i can move again. i feel if i leave her that i will be named the bad one and my kid won't respect me anymore (whom i love so much). but if i don't leave her i will be depressed till the end of my days. what would you do in my situation - i'm just collecting some ideas before doing anything drastic. the relationship only turned sour after childbirth.
2007-06-15 14:25:11 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I've had simular experience.
After we broke up, she told me that she did keep busy so that she didn't have to spend time with me alone.
I sounds like she a very driven woman that works hard to get what she wants. It will always be about what she wants, when she wants it. The fact that she shows little interest in your desires or spending time alone with you, says quite a bit.
Consider this, what she wanted from you was a child. Now she's got it. What does she really need you for other than support and cleaning the gutters.
In this current society there is a lot of value put on a driven, independant, single mother.
Have a long talk with her. Let her know how you feel. Trust your gut and intuition (us guys have that too). Make your choices from there.
If she tells you she loves you, you probably should believe that. But I think what you are feeling is the priority that she gives you and her love for you. It's not too much to ask to be in her top two priorities.
2007-06-15 14:44:49 · answer #1 · answered by ∞ sky3000 ∞ 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If the relationship only turned bad since the birth of your little one, is it possible that she's suffering from Post-natal Depression? This can effect a woman's behavior, and though its treatable, left untreated, it can get worse.
There is also the possibility that the birth was really hard on her and she - sub-consciously at least - resents you for having put her through that.
If she is working all the time, AND doing all the housework, AND looking after the little one, WHY do you think she's not entitled to what little down time she can find by reading, or sleeping, or whatever she feels she needs? She's propably exausted by her day. Maybe if you did your share, helped out more,c she'd have more time for those things you want to do too. And are those things practical to do with a little one in tow?
Are you thinking things through as a father, or as a single guy who happens to have a kid? Having a child is a big adjustment in both your lives, and you both had better be prepared to accept them, for the sake of your child.
2007-06-15 21:42:54 · answer #2 · answered by Barb Outhere 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Children change all relationships. Which is why communication is the key. Some ppl grow apart and some just grow stronger. Talk to her and explain how you feel. If there's no hope left for the relationship don't stay because of a child. Any child would rather grow up in a happy home than in a home where their parents resent each other. it's a hard decision to make and should be made ONLY after all other roads have been explored.
2007-06-15 21:42:31 · answer #3 · answered by fade4pink 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Both of you are trapped in a situation that was unplanned and now you are miserable. You probably more so because you know that to leave would destroy not only your child's stability but also your relationship with him. Your lady may know this and that is why she treats you like crap. She has you in a no win situation.
If she is unwilling to go to a counselor or change, then you have two choices. Put up with it for your child or leave.
If you leave, make sure the child is older than 2 years old and go for 50/50 custody with a domicile restriction to keep her from moving far away. This will ensure that you are able to be involved in the child's life and the support should be fair to both of you.
You sound like you want to be a father but you really have put yourself in a difficult position to be one. Keep moving in a positive direction and don't be discouraged. It is a long road ahead but you have to keep going for the child.
2007-06-15 21:38:24 · answer #4 · answered by joker 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow tough but you should be talking to her about your feelings. She is your wife, if she don't understand and not change for the better then maybe it is time to get up a leave. You have any bad name if you still take care of the baby. There must be a some sort of misunderstanding somewhere along the road. You have to start talking to the problem (your wife) to really find out both side's point of view. Give it your all to solve the problem before you give up and leave.
2007-06-15 21:33:21 · answer #5 · answered by BabieT 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would talk to her, seriously. Tell her everything you just said. Tell her that you feel you are only watching from the sidelines of a woman who's raising a child and does everything independently, tell her that you feel like you don't matter! If she doesn't want to hear it, doesn't have time for you, etc. suggest a councilor and if she won't go, go by yourself. maybe you can work through what's going on with the councilor, and plus she will see that you are serious about the issue enough to go to counciling in the first place.
2007-06-15 22:17:56 · answer #6 · answered by Bitterly Sweet 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Once you have a child, your needs and desires become secondary. This is something you need to work on, talk to her and tell her how you feel, maybe she will try to work things out. You owe it to your child to give him/her a stable, two parent home, if this means sacrificing your happiness, sorry that is the way it goes.
2007-06-15 21:43:45 · answer #7 · answered by kradleoffilth 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to go to a counselor and try to work things out and let her know you are on the verge of packing your bags. I hope not but if she is stand offish then she needs to correct her attitude. She loves you but avoids you? Actions speak louder than words.
2007-06-15 21:28:53 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It will only get worse over time, if you're not happy in bed before marriage you're in for a long lonely ride afterwards. You need to get this fixed now or agree to go your separate ways.
2007-06-16 00:06:54 · answer #9 · answered by Zaferus 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your stuck between a rock and a hard place . Just go about your business and do what you feel like doing life is to damn short
2007-06-15 21:35:34 · answer #10 · answered by dad 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋