sexuality after childbirth?

Question

I love my beautiful baby but since he was born I just hate sex. I used to enjoy it but now, all I think is that my body is less attractive, I don't like how I look and I feel like I'm not pretty anymore and my breasts are drooping and my hips are too wide and my stomach is too big? Plus we want to have one more baby but having been through the agony of childbirth once, I'm so scared to go through this again. I love my son very much but I'm afraid of the pain.
My wonderful husband still loves me but I need to get my confidence back.

ok this is really shameful and embarassing but I don't feel clean anymore. I think my bladder is leaking?
I'm so embarassed about this.

I tore very badly and I think I've been 'stretched' down there so I can't always make it to the bathroom in time. I am so embarassed about this but I can't seem to control my bladder properly and I don't know what to do about this?

Answer 1

Believe me I know what you are going through. I have 4 children (yes you do "forget" the pain) and was extremely upset by the way my private parts looked after tearing with a forceps delivery, with my second, requiring a massive number of stitches.
How long has it been since the birth? There are huge changes in hormones, from when your pregnant, to the birthing process, and then back to fertility. This alone can be difficult to cope with. If its recent, give yourself some more time. Allow you body to heal, before engaging in sex. Try to recognize the changes as natural in the shift to motherhood, as most will improve with time and a little effort.
But I want to ask you a question. Is it only sex that is a problem at the moment, or are there other aspects of your life that are too difficult at the moment? Are you finding it hard to cope with day to day life as well? This could be the baby blues, or post-partum depression, caused in part due to those hormonal changes I mentioned, and in part due to the pain you experienced during birth.
If this is the case, then you are not alone, many women experience this, to a greater or lesser degree. And there is help out there. The first step would be to go to the doctor, and tell them what's happening. If this is the case, and its severe, you may not just be able to get over it without some help. Accept that you have the right to help, and do what is best for you and the little one.

***For bladder control - have you been taught to do pelvic floor (Kengal) exercises? This is where you learn which specific muscle controls the bladder release, and helps to restore control there. It also is the muscle which rings the vagina, helping to retore tone and is a great way to improve your sex life, as you can tighten and release pressure at will.
To locate this muscle, when you go to the toilet, try to slow/stop the stream of urine. If you are tightening the back passage, you have the wrong muscle. Or you can, in a private moment, put your finger in there and try to tighten the muscle then. When done properly you should feel both a tightening and a "lifting" (lengthening) of the vagina. Once isolated, you do the exercises in lots of 20, tightening for 5 seconds, releasing for five, then tightening again. Done 3 - 5 times a day it will help restore control. As your control improves, do longer -10 - 20 second - clenches. It does take a while, but it does work.
It can be done at any time as it is not visable if done properly.

Answer 2

You are going through what all new mums go through- your body will be different- you can't expect it to be the same but you can learn to love it again. See Channel 4's how to look good naked www.channel4.com/life/microsites/H/htlgn/index.html and pick up some fabulous tips. Some careful dieting and exercise will also help.
As for your other problem with your bladder you might need a repair so please see your GP about that. It is a small job and can easily rectify the problem you are experiencing.
As for not feeling sexy it will all come back in time. In a couple of years you might feel different about another baby- few people experience the terrible time i had with my first but i still went on and had two more. When our maternal instincts kick in you would be surprised how quickly you forget.

Answer 3

In the last tree months before childbirth you/the placenta may have been producing 300mg of progesterone per day.

During your monthly cycle women normally produce between 20 & 30 mg/day.

You were getting 10 times the "progesterone" hit when were pregnant.

"The last three months of of a woman's pregnancy is the healthiest a woman ever is" - John Lee

At the moment perhaps your "progesterone" cycle has not been restored in extreme cases this is causes "post natal depression".

Like the others are saying it will return but if you want to hurry it along. To do so I would like to suggest that you do the on line hormone tests at www.hormoneprofile.com or www.johnleemd.com

If they recommend you obtain hormones please have a saliva test done see www.npis.info or www.salivatest.com.

A saliva test will check out active hormones something that blood tests do not.

If a hormone is suggested by the saliva test please take the dose suggested for you. Size 10 shoes are not twice as good if you have size 5 feet.

The WHO (World Health Organisation) uses saliva tests.

A transcript of a John Lee talk - this explains why for hormones a blood test is worthless..
http://www.keepsmilin.com/transcriptdrlee.htm

Blood tests find hormones but they are the one on their way out of the body. They are not the active hormone levels.

One woman's search for the cure for her illness 1997 revised 2002
http://www.ylcf.org/hormone-imbalance/01.htm - 33.htm yes about 30 odd pages

http://www.ylcf.org/hormone-imbalance/06.htm lists the things that may occur due to hormone imbalance

If you want a second opinion I'd suggest one of the doctors on the www.npis.info list. Also on this site there other women's stories.

If you search elsewhere on the web for “natural progesterone” or “natural progesterone childbirth” you may come across stories.

At www.hormoneprofile.com there is quite a bit of information on how hormones work. The “pink card” is also there showing when to take them

The books are available on Amazon uk, it is easier to find the info there than browsing the web.

Hope this helps ..

Answer 4

I had the same problem after my first son was born. Give it sometime and you will probly feel better about yourself. It took me a couple months, once I lost the baby fat I felt really good about myself and then I started enjoying sex again. I am due in 2 weeks with my second son and it scares me knowing how it hurts, but I know I can handle it seeming I've through it once before. Good luck I hope things work out for you.

Answer 5

Ignore any insensitive or daft remarks hun.
What you are feeling is fairly normal especially as you tore and had an uncomfortable time during the birth.
What i would suggest is make an appointment with your midwife and a female GP. Many women experience loss of bladder tone after birth. You need to build up the strength of your pelvic floor muscles. Your GP may refer you to a physio for that.
As for your feelings of hating sex ...again that is fairly normal after giving birth. You feel like you are not as attractive to your husband and you are probably exhausted and still uncomfortable. Explain to your husband how you feel and also discuss this with your GP.
Your confidence will return but it may take time. x
Also I would not plan for baby number 2 yet as you are not ready mentally or physically.

Answer 6

That's a normal feeling.... Look at your "new" body in a different light, like your baby... He/she see's mommy the woman that gave him life... He doesn't see saggy boobs, stomach whatever.. He just sees you.. .It takes a special woman to go through the act of pregnancy and childbirth and your body should be celebrated... I know how you feel I gave birth almost a yr. ago and I don't recognize myself anymore... As for sex well, give yourself sometime and really communicate openly with your husband how you feel. It's scary at first and it might be a bit uncomfortable for the both of you, but it will happen again and it will be all right. The second child was way easier than the first. Just take things slow and it will be fine....Hang in there...and ofcourse your husband still loves you..

Answer 7

Give your self time and remember that your husband will always love you for the person that you are. Since you had his and your child, he knows that your body is bound to change after having children. He fully expected that to happen, but having children is worth the changes even to him.

Relax and give your self time to get use to the changes, you body will snap some what back to the way you were before. Some changes will stay but most will not. And you will feel better about your self. You will have your lovely child/children, and that is worth all that we as women go through. They are the lights of our lives, and it makes it all worth it.

Work out and help your self to get your shape back, it will happen. Don't worry so much about how you will look, your husband loves you he will give you all the loving support that you need. In time your body as I stated will snap back to pretty much where you were before.

If you have a second baby after you could always work out and if it doesn't bring you back to where you want to be talk with your husband about having some surgery done if you want.

But don't allow it to control weather you have any more baby's, since there are always things that you can do to help you gain your figure back. You can always work out to help get your figure back to pretty much where you were, some things may stay changed but that is to be expected. Hips do widen to allow you to be able to give birth to your baby, they will stay the same. There isn't much you can do about that, that is meant to happen and that will stay. But every thing else can be worked on either through working out or surgery.

God Bless you and your family.

Answer 8

Girl smile enjoy your time with your baby. Work slowly at a time to get yourself back in shape. Some women aren't as lucky as others. Some of us will just lose the weight as how Long it took to gain it when pregnant. Don't start trippin like that. keep a strong head on your shoulders so you wont fall into depression. Reconnect with your husband and enjoy each other again. GOOD LUCK!:)

Answer 9

Often after childbirth the woman finds she has become incontinent. Even if just a little. Please go to your GP and talk this through - ASK to be referred to a urinary physiotherapist, the sort of thing they do is on the link below, (or do a search on 'physiotherapy bladder'). You can get help for this and (assuming you are in the UK) on the NHS. You need to start as soon as you can simply to make you feel as though you get in control! You can be helped with exercises. It is very common, please go and get help. Good luck

Answer 10

stop worrying about your body. enjoy sex and the connection you have with your husband. your body will get back in shape again. make sure you get enough rest and eat right. about the second baby...you should wait if you are having doubts. no rush. give yourself time and for gods sake stop being so hard on yourself. life is too short. enjoy the great things you have, a beautiful baby and a husband who adores you. all the best