i'm finally going to leave the b*tch of a fiancee. i feel like i'm being taken advantage of & that she is still having ties to her ex. prob is she has 2 kids involved. they are nt mine. i don't want the kids to see me leave & also her mom lives w/ her too. we could never talk alone about the important issues in our relationship because she always wouldn't want to talk w/ me as an adult or she says she doesn't have time or the patience. i also thinks she wants to have someone there too. should i tell her i'm going to leave & take the risk of having this messy situation happen or should i just take off. we are nt married.
2007-06-15 13:01:29 · 23 answers · asked by jack 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It takes guts to make the move you are making. Good for you. Stay strong. The best is yet to come. I promise.
2007-06-15 13:04:34 · answer #1 · answered by katydid 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Are you a man or a mouse? If you have made the decision, and that's your right, then be man enough to stand up for yourself, and tell her.
If your worried about the children, think about how much worse it would be if you just disappeared. How long have you been part of their lives? When you "disappear", how are they supposed to cope with that? Better that they KNOW you left, than being left to wonder what happened.
And then there is the fiancee. Doesn't she deserve to know why? Maybe it didn't work for you two, but knowing why at least gives her the chance to make it better next time.
Tell them your decision, face the consequences of your choice, and THEN move on.
2007-06-15 20:09:28 · answer #2 · answered by Barb Outhere 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You got involved with a woman who has children, and like it or not, you're a part of their environment (though you're not the biological father). Children deserve stability. Does that mean you should feel obligated to stay? No. But it means you shouldn't just vanish without explanation...and it also means you should be damned sure that you really want to leave before you go, because they shouldn't see people coming in and out of their lives on a whim. It's a big situation and a big decision, and I don't envy you this task. But it's the "man" thing to do. Good luck in whatever you decide.
2007-06-15 20:14:49 · answer #3 · answered by Captain S 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Well my thoughts are you should ask her for sometime alone outside the house. Take her somewhere private enough for both of you such as a park where there are people but no one too close so you can actually raise your voices (hopefully not) and then tell her you know it won't work and would be unfair to the kids, yourself and her to continue in this relationship. I honestly don't see how you guys can work it out if she is already refusing to communicate with you. That is one thiing we women are good at and she's saying no. Finally you are calling her a b* that means you no longer respect her so leave before you stop being an honarable man!!!
2007-06-15 20:07:26 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
have the decency to tell her. she needs the closure. yes it will cause drama and get messy. yes she will FREAK out, but you need to be a man and stick up for yourself. Let her know that you won't be taken advantage of and that the relationship is going nowhere. you cared about her at one time, so do the right thing and have a talk with her first. go somewhere away from the home so mom and kids don't hear and get involved.
2007-06-15 20:07:52 · answer #5 · answered by KR52 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
YES! Get out of a bad situation. You don't want to get into a marriage you know in your heart is doomed from the beginning. Wait until everyone is out of the house, pack your things and put them in your car, then wait for her to get home and tell her. No matter how she acted, she was still your fiancee, and at one time, you thought you loved her enough to marry her. Out of respect for the good times together, it's something I think you should do. Yes, there will be crying and screaming, and even accusations of cheating, but you know it's the right thing to do for you and her.
2007-06-15 20:08:50 · answer #6 · answered by ron-D 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Believe me. I know how you feel about her mother living there. My father was living with us for like 6 months. I have 2 children and a husband. It wasn't my father's fault but I think my husband felt violated. He finally moved out and things are better now. You need to sit and talk with your fiancee. Go somewhere private...not at home. That way there are no distractions. Do you love her? Give it a chance before there is a huge mess. Isn't it worth a try?
2007-06-15 20:06:23 · answer #7 · answered by Love not hate 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'm not an expert, but I think you should tell her, maybe all of your problems will come out into the open and you can finally talk. Running away will make her think that you are afraid. After all how would you feel if someone just left you without warning, and didn't even tell you why? I would tell her, leaving abruptly is not the answer.
2007-06-15 20:05:35 · answer #8 · answered by jammyehxoh 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
If you are not happy staying could be the worse thing for you. Its somewhat of a purchase deal if you don't like it you return. Differents in this is you don't take it that far. I married once and I knew better guess what I divorced.
2007-06-15 20:07:04 · answer #9 · answered by zachariahcampbell@sbcglobal.net 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't dissapear, then everyone around you gets involved and this get WAY to complicated. Tell her you don't feel like it's working out, and LEAVE. Don't hang around at all. If you moved in with her, just take all of your stuff and go.
2007-06-15 20:05:30 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is the best move you can make .
Find a decent woman ,No kids ,who LOVES YOU .
You deserve that ,don`t you ?
It hurts in the beginning but soon you will realize that you are more deserving than to put up with crap. Better to hurt a little now than suffer a long marriage and costly divorce .
Good luck my friend .
2007-06-15 20:36:14 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋