i know this may be long but plz read it and let me know what u think, in memory of my brother.?

Question

I don't want to remember racing to the hospital to say my last goodbyes
I don't want to remember the drive away from the hospital, when all i could do was cry
I don't want to remember the day after your death
when it finally set in that you were gone
I don't want to remember all the times i walked in to your room hoping i would see you laying in bed
I don't want to remember that different looking face
looking up at me from the open casket
I don't want to remember how i stopped halfway through my speech because it was to hardor how i cried all the way through moms
I don't want to remember how i didn't want to leave the funeral home because i knew it would be the last time i would see you
I don't want to fear the date and time of July 12, 9:42am
I don't want to have the day you died be a reoccurring dream, night after night
I don't want any more nights where i stay awake just thinking of you, and all the good times, and wandering, why did God take you and not me?

Answer 1

Thanks for sharing your very personal story. I can tell how much you love and miss your brother. Cherish the special times you spent with him. Keep his spirit alive in your heart. Try not to think about the sadness you feel or about the day he died. Think of all your wonderful memories of him.

Best wishes.

Answer 2

that was really good it was full of emotion this part was what nearly sent me crying (I don't want to remember that different looking face
looking up at me from the open casket
I don't want to remember how i stopped halfway through my speech because it was to hardor how i cried all the way through moms
I don't want to remember how i didn't want to leave the funeral home because i knew it would be the last time i would see you)
i am very sorry for your loss

Answer 3

You didn't say specifically what you were asking for from us. Did you want acknowledgement for your loss? Or did you want a critique of what you wrote?

Since you have received acknowledgement for your loss, to which I add mine, I will also offer a very short critique.

Authenticity/Voice: 7 out of 10
Your sentiments ring true for all of us who mourn loved ones.
The specificity and repetition about the "I don't want to's" works. We all know there are more "I don't want to's" but we for sure get it. The difficulty you had getting through your remembrance of your brother following your mom's speech/eulogy was easy to relate to. The anniversary fear, also haunting and realistic.

New insight brought to the issue of mortality: 5 out of 10. And I only give you 5, where I might have given you less, because you made some people, I am sure, think about their own mortality, or that of those they love or loved, when they usually wouldn't. But new insight onto the topic of mortality? No, not really.

My final thought is that this is not really a poem. I would call it a very sincere, heartfelt expression of an emotional, life-changing hurt that you went through with your family. You were/or at least are capable of sharing this expression with them and close friends. They can relate to it, painful as it is. but I do not see this as something that would set you apart from a poetic point of view.

Thanks for sharing it. I hope you understand my thoughts and comments and can accept them for what they are.

Answer 4

With life, comes death. and through the good times, comes an end. but memories last forever. never forget and you will never completely lose. It's not easy to go through a death, and remembering the last few days can be painful. So don't focus on those memories just yet. Remember the good and hold tight to them, one day after reflecting on the good, the bad will be easier to face. Stay strong and know your brother will live on in your memories and in your heart.

Answer 5

Very beautiful!!! Having lost two brothers and my mother I can feel and understand your pain. It is good that you managed to put your thoughts and feelings down on paper. Though I am sure they did not make you feel any better just having it there to read from time to time might. It takes time to understand loosing someone... you never really stop grieving... and that's OK... that shows how much love you had for them.

I am ever so sorry for your loss, I hope you find comfort in your words and some how they manage to get you through if only one day at a time... for that is what it takes... one day at a time.

Hugs to you

Answer 6

You loved your brother so much you would have gladly taken his place. We each have our time to leave and it was his time, which never makes sense to those of us who are left behind. Your poem is very touching and shows the pain you still feel. It will take time before you will be able to remember more good memories then feel the pain of the loss. It took me a long time. The best you can do is accept the fact that it will continue to hurt and it's a natural path to healing.

Answer 7

I am sorry that your brother died I hope you will realize that he will probably go to a happy place. Is this the speech you say?? I really like it. I would be sad if my brother died. Well, I know your family will be alright. If your Christian, then you should know that he has reasons for taking people away. Well, I liked your speech poem.

Answer 8

we need to remember loved ones in ways that honor them. the fact that God took him before you are HIS reasons alone. But HE allows every man[woman] a borrowed amount of time in which HE has the right to reclaim at ANY time. maybe your loved one fulfilled every purpose God intended and now has a higher calling that can only be done in the heavens. what ever the reason....be sure that you choose to be ready to meet your maker and the only way to salvation. the scripture is VERY CLEAR....that Jesus Christ is... ''the way,the truth and the life no one comes to the Father except through ME.''
John 14:6

Answer 9

Very good and therapeutic. I also did one for my wife. Might I suggest you get a good photograph of your brother and make up a card with his picture on the front and the poem inside. Kinko's or a similar shop will help you with the typesetting and production and costs aren't too high. Make up enough to give out to members of your family on the next anniversary of his death.

My condolences.

Answer 10

This is the best I have ever read.WOW! I am serious, I lost a brother many years ago and anyone who has lost someone suddenly ( and it is always sudden and unexpected, even if you knew)who could not read this and feel again the love they had for that person. Bravo! Excellent Job.