For older GLBTs: your opinion on this quote of Armistead Maupin, please.?

Question

"Age is the last closet you come out of in the gay world,"(he said)"There are such gloomy visions of gay men aging. But if you worship beauty above all else, you're in trouble. If you're not working on your heart every second, you are going to have a very sad old age"
Personally, I think this is pretty accurate. I especially like age being the last closet that you come out of. I think that is maybe why so many gay men (especially) have trouble with long term relationships. There is always one more beautiful than the next. So, what's your take on this if any?

Answer 1

I think that those who worship beauty above all else are going to be in trouble whether they are gay or straight. You have to consider that aging will enhance a person even when it's making the outer appearance deteriorate (I'm much more interesting than I was when I was younger, even if I'm heavier, grayer & don't move as quickly). Some straight men are always seeking younger & younger women as they get older and it is a sad thing for them as well as for some gay men. You have to learn to embrace getting older rather than fighting it and learn to appreciate the qualities found in others who are older (though I don't agree that you have to work on your heart "every second" -I think you can take some time to appreciate the physical beauty of youth as long as you don't lose yourself to it. Obsession in any form is not the best thing.). Many older people are very sad, but many others are just the opposite -it all depends on which perspective you take toward aging. There's a portrait of my grandfather that was painted years ago & over the years I've seen first my father and now my brother and myself start to look more and more like my grandfather did in that portrait. He had a look of wisdom & confidence that I have grown into as I've aged (I think it's much better than being a Dorian Gray who remains young and vain his whole life while the picture ages, though there are always those who lust after that eternal youth).

Answer 2

I am 47 and I see much wisdom in what Maupin is saying , I have learned to look deeper than the physical and see what is truly inside . After all Beauty is only skin deep , we are all going to get older and in most cases the youthful beauty will fade . The younger gay men out there calling everyone old queen , troll , and dinosaur will one day come face to face with the same thing and have to deal with age as well . So if you are chasing beauty you are definitely in trouble , the heart is what truly matter most in love and friendship .

Answer 3

I wonder if this doesn't apply to the straights too. How many men go through mid-life crisis and begin dating their secretary? (cliche, I know, but it was all I could think of at the moment) I think anyone who is really hung up on age will suffer through the aging more than the people who know that time does not stop.

Personally, I have never dyed my hair to cover the grey, I don't do wrinkle creams, I don't hide the laugh lines, or worry about that "mid-life-spread" - these things all provide character and a testament to the life I've lived thus far.

Answer 4

I am 43, still firmly in middle age, not older. I believe that I can see the wisdom in what he says in the quote. Gay culture, for the most part, worships superficial attributes. I'm not sure how to counter it, so I simply don't play along. I don't go out to the bars and clubs. I participate in the gay world in other ways, through hobby clubs and such. I'm not saying it's superior, but I hope that it will keep me happy longer.

Answer 5

Good, well, very good question. And it's difficult to answer. I hope you get many responses. Aging can be sad, or it can be accepted and even embraced as just part of the journey of this life. When I think of my own aging, I look at plants and seasons, and even old dogs. All times in life give out beauty. And in these parts of the USA, people come to watch the leaves change colors right before they "die" in winter. (I know that trees don't actually die in winter.)
Anyway, there is beauty in all phases of life, and one of the most beautiful men I know is a straight man of about 70 years who gives and gives of himself to others. There's true beauty and I want to be like him.

Answer 6

I'm 52, but I've never been a beauty hog. (Not that I don't notice beauty, but I'm more inclined to try to build a relationship.) I know that some men are trying to keep whittling notches into their bedposts, but I honestly don't think that's the majority.

Age is certainly one of the last closets. However, the last one for many people is the knowledge of terminal illness. Coming to grips with imminent mortality has a few more cringes than just acknowledging the aging process. They both ultimately end up in the same place, but with age you worry about hair, paunch, and wrinkles. With death you worry about the end of all personal experience and existence.

Answer 7

Being active in the gay community you can still feel that way. And the tables can be turned. For years, I have had much older men hit on ... they still do. I'm interested in dating people my own age because of my own interests, stamina.

When I was 24, I dated a man that who was 34 years "older" than me. He was older than my father. I started to feel weird about it, and realized my sexual/relationship interests are more with people within a 6 year range of my own age. We can relate better.

I'm proud of my age. At 32, I feel prime! I felt that way at 22. It's a mindset.

I strongly believe you can be youthful without selling out. I still hit it over to the clubs every now and then. I love dancing. I'm a dancin' fool.

I also hang out at this gay cowboy bar with my friends that are 60-85 years old. They know better than to hit on me. Its called respect. And I respect them for that.

Answer 8

I stopped going to Gay bars 5 yrs ago when me and my partner got together. My partner is 10 yrs younger than me and fortunately we are very much alike. He isn't in the Gay bar scene either. I am aging slowly but am more content now then I ever was when I was running around the bar scene. Nothing wrong with going to clubs, I just got burnt out.

Answer 9

I believe it is true up to a point, but honestly, in my viewpoint, very little in this life is permanent. I've enjoyed every age set I have fit into so far and each one brings it's challenges. Trying to figure out what are the benefits and what are the traps I believe is one of the hardest but most important lessons.

Answer 10

i'm not someone qualified to comment based on personal experience, (i'm not a man, and definately not older) but i think there are several reasons for ageing being hard on gay men. (i don't know about ltr's, but some older gay men i know have lost many, MANY friends to aids... and have difficulties finding a partner their age.) it sounds like what you're describing is more of a take on life... to adore beauty above everything else... sort of like oscar wilde's lifestyle. i assume people of all types might share this attitude... do you think gay men take it to extremes more than, say, straight women?

i like the idea of it being another closet. after my first closet door experience, i find myself repeating it with other aspects of my self.

i have to add... i actually find older people very attractive. and i can't wait until i am one. seriously.