why do ifeel so bad?

Question

my little girl 3rd birthday was yesterday and i had a little tea party for her but today she whent to her nans (on dads side)and she is going to get a birthday party there i no its going to be better then the one i had for her and it makes me feel that i cant give my children the best her nan is always trying to put me down and be the much better person in my childs mind i cant stand it she has more money then me and this make her think she is better then me. i no this sounds a bit selfish but it really is makeing me feel bad i always get it throne in my face that shes got more money and can aford what i cant :( any advise welcome

Answer 1

money cant buy love and as long as you give your child plenty of that you wont go far wrong

Answer 2

I get the feeling that you are the only person that will end up feeling that nan's party is better. Your little girl is 3 years old. The memories your children hang on to and those of sentimental value not of material. Your child isn't going to remember the banner that says Happy 3rd Birthday. I doubt she will even remembers her 3rd birthday. Don't beat yourself up. The thing that is most important to our children is that we give the best of ourselves not of what we can get. I must say a tea party is pretty cleaver. What this tells me? This little girl has a mother who allows her child to have an imagination. This is far more important than balloons and gifts to the ceiling. We as parents always beat ourselves up for our short comings. But we really have to get behind the minds of our children and ask what they would really value. Remember when your child was smaller and regardless of how many new toys you bought her, she was still facinated with the wrapping paper more. This is proof that children are much simplier than we are. They value different things than we do. Who cares if nan has more money than you. What matters is that "mom was there and she had a special party for me because I am important". I spent many years with my first child (about 5 years to be exact) telling myself what a bad parent I must be. If you need some support email me. [e-mail]. I've been there before.

Answer 3

Please remember you cannot buy her love. A hug and kiss every night when tucking her into bed before you read her her favorite story will buy her more wonderful memories than anything from nans. Keep having tea parties for her for the next few years. She is actually not going to remember much at 3 years old yet. When she's 6 or 7 start having a couple of friends over for the party. When she is older take her to a museum or a children's theme park, those will certainly be better memories than nans, although you shouldn't discourage her nan, as she is part of the family and maybe she can contribute to the party as a guest when your daughter is older.

Answer 4

Money isn't everything, and the thing you have to think about, more importantly by the sounds of it remind yourself is that money doesn't buy love, your little girl will probably love the party at her nans but she would of also loved the one you gave her, the most precious thing you can give to your daughter is your love and respect, presents are nice and all children think they are the best things ever and while shes young she might only seem like she is interested in those gifts but isn't it her mommy that she wants to see before she goes to sleep and when she wakes up in the morning?? Love is unconditional and priceless, which is why it is the best present your daughter could ever have.
Oh and one last thing, don't let your mother in law put you down in any way what so ever, have you ever asked yourself why she lavishes your daughter with gifts? probably to make up for some kind of mistakes she made with her own kids as they were growing up or simply she is trying to buy her own grand daughters affections. Just let your daughter know that you love her and that is all she will need.

Answer 5

It sounds to me like nan puts a lot of her self worth in how much $ she has to spend and you're letting yourself get pulled into her game. She can't compete! You're always gonna be mommy and she's always just gonna be nan.Are you able to provide the necessities? If not, maybe you need to go back to school & look for a better job or take a look at cutting some expenses.If you are, give yourself an attitude adjustment. How lucky is your kid that they get two birthday parties? A special one with mommy and a fancy one with nan. You just need to focus on what's important & remember that if you're allowing yourself to feel inferior because you can't buy "the best" things, your child will pick up on that & carry those same misconceptions regardless of what you tell her. Your child needs stability (food, shelter & clothing...need not be name brands or even brand new), attention, support,protection,support & loving care to live. The rest is just fluff.

Answer 6

I am a nan, and in a similar position. When the grandchildren have birthday parties I give their mum some money without the children knowing. A party is then arranged and I attend with their gift. Sometimes we have parties at MC Donald's or somewhere of that type of thing.
Could you not tell your mother-in law that next time you will go halves to the costs of ONE joint party ??.
If you tell her how you feel surely she will understand.
Your child is VERY young, you cannot let this go on for years upsetting you.
However please believe me your child will love whatever you can afford much more than she will appreciate her nan throwing money at her.
Hope this helps !!!!!!

Answer 7

I'm sure your daughter loved her tea party with you. One of the most valuable lessons you can teach your daughter (and you can do this by example) is that money is not that important.

If her Nan is the type of person who thinks she's better than you because she has more money than you do, then she has really screwed up values. And if she puts you down (especially to your daughter), then she is a despicable woman.

You need to talk to your daughter about this in words she can understand. Explain that her Nan expresses her love with things, but that real love is expressed with actions. Don't put her Nan down (that would be stooping to her level), but teach your daughter your values so she will be less vulnerable to her Nan's manipulation. When she gets older, she will see her Nan for what she is.

Try to feel better!

Answer 8

I'm going through the same thing right now with my ex mother-in-law. And it makes us feel bad, because we know better than to let it make us feel bad:)
But everyone pretty much nailed on the head what we already know deep down. I'm sure that you are raising your child to value the things that money can't buy. And one day, like you, your child will see "nans" true colors. Money can't buy integrity. Hang in there and keep your head up! You could always just let nan buy the things that she wants to buy your child, and spend your time concentrating on raising a well-adjusted little kid. Also, everyone knows the real fun is in baking cookies, going to the park, and bedtime stories! And luckily (for me anyhow), those things are free.

Answer 9

She is their grandmother. She is meant to spoil your daughter. Grandmother's use their last penny to make sure that their grandchildren have the best.

You will never be replaced by the grandmother. Your children will ALWAYS love you more. No one is putting you down because you don't spend every penny on your daughter, it is all in your head.

What is a tea party anyway? Why didn't you simply invite your daughters friends round and get the children to sing and dance and play games like pass the parcel. You don't have to have much money to give children a good time.

Your problem is you didn't put a lot of effort into a party and this is why you feel guilty. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and don't deprive your daughter of a loving caring grandmother. No one is competing with you to be the best, get your life in perspective and get a grip!

Answer 10

It is OK that you have less money than your husband's parents or your parents or anybody else...
Your little girl is YOUR little girl and she will never ever forget who is her MOMMY no matter how much money other people have. You did what you could and one day she will understand if she doesn't already. The tea party was a great idea ! and i am sure she loved it !
I used to have an aunt that every time she would come to visit me and my brothers, she would give candy, we used to love her (we still do), and mom confessed recently when she remember it that she used to feel very upset and she will always felt down and she thought that we love our aunt more than her. But it is not true... we love our mom and dad. And nobody can change that even the candy or even the money.
So, don't worry... Your little girl will be always Yours.

Answer 11

Does Nans sit on the floor and play barbie with her for hours...does nans take her to the water park and run, jump and sing along under the sprinkler....I don`t think so. When your daughter comes home with big presents or large amount of money say to her 'oh it`s nice of grandma' but don`t give it anymore importance then it deserves. Everything you share with your daughter will never be replaced by toys nans is giving away. My daughter is grown up now and she never remembers the big presents or the big buck her grand parents gave her but she remembers all those times her and I baked cookies together and all those pick-nicks we had in the backyard. Don`t worry about anyting, no body can replace you in her little heart.