My best friend's wedding anniversary is next week. She died 5 years ago but every yr I get her husband ( widow, ?) a gift. He always appreciates it and we talk for hours & reminisce. He told me he looks forward to my 1nce yearly visit. He got remarried in January, his new wife becomes livid at mention of my deceased friend. She had a fit because he invited me to the wedding. I don't want to cause him any strife but this is our way of honoring my friend. What should I do?
I live 1000 miles away from them, I only see him once a year & it's in memory of my friend. I already bought the gift & this is important to me because her wedding was the happiest day of her life and I don't understand why the new wife is so threatened by me or my dead friend.
2007-06-15 11:10:33 · 12 answers · asked by Still*Perfect 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
my friend didn't have any family and her daughter will be there, the new wife is welcome to come.
2007-06-15 11:53:27 · update #1
It's 1 hr of 1 day of each yr.
2007-06-15 14:31:28 · update #2
You cannot do anything to get a handle on her insecurity. It is up to the husband to calmly explain to her how much this means to him. It is irrational on her part to think he can jetison this part of his life, like a booster rocket on a space ship.
I would talk with him soon and definitely find out what is his feelings concerning this situation -- don't add anything -- hear what he has to say.
If he is OK with the visit, again, you can't change what she thinks. If the visit is cancelled, still get the gift to him with a nice note on the memories.
2007-06-15 11:20:51 · answer #1 · answered by Zombie Birdhouse 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I think you have to understand that she would be threatened by any women at this point, its not just because of you, or your friend. It is more the fact that she wants to make a new life with him, although it is really imature.
I think you should talk to her and ask her if you could give him the gift just this once. Then in the future try to come up with a new way of celebrating you friend.
I am really sorry you are in this situation, it must suck. If you need anything let me know.
2007-06-15 11:17:51 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, I personally don't think she is threatened by you it's more in the line that she sees this women coming in to her and her new husband life the continually reminds him of the love that he lost before her so she is intimated by you and the relationship that you guys have. Come on think about, put yourself in her shoes and think on how you would feel about that whole situation. Also if you really want to do the whole reminisce thing then do that with her friends and family (the one who past) not her widow husband who re-married and moved on with his life.
From what I see it seems that you have more then just friendship feelings for this men,and as far as the present goes you should give that present to her family not him and if you really want to remember her talk to her you just might not know she might just be your angel.
2007-06-15 11:45:11 · answer #3 · answered by smiles 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
His new wife needs to get a grip on things cause that was your friend and his wife that passed away long before she ever came into the picture and what you are doing is a wonderful thing to remember her.
2007-06-15 11:55:55 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's none of her business. She is jealous of the sittuation and should respect his feelings too about this. It's not like you two are cheating. He needs to explain to his new wife what the deal is. Maybe if the two of you sit with her when you go and talk about why you do this maybe she will understand.
2007-06-15 11:28:58 · answer #5 · answered by TLHGSS6 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
**** the wife. it is his past, and she knew about it when she married him. just because she doesn't agree with it doesn't mean your friend's memory deserves to be forgotten. not to be callous, but it's not like he's cheating on her and she doesn't need to worry about it. good thing i don't know her, she deserves a good smack on the head. go, and make her mad, and hopefully she will divorce him because of it and he can find someone who will appreciate your friend because she made him a better person during her short life, and will want to celebrate that fact WITH the two of you.
people amaze me.
2007-06-15 11:20:48 · answer #6 · answered by pikachu 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the new wife needs to get over it, its not like they divorced, she passed away, and you know what no matter what, he will always love her and remember her that was his wife, and she will always have a place in his heart. SHE NEEDS TO GET OVER IT
who cares if she gets mad, you continue doing your tradition to remember your friend and his wife. If she doesnt like it, then explain to her why you do it, and he should stick up for himself. she obviously knew that his wife is gone and she should help to remember her!
2007-06-15 11:46:36 · answer #7 · answered by jelly_bean_19_69 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He views you as a friend but his wife views you as the "other woman." Respect his marriage and find another way to honor your friend.
2007-06-15 12:13:38 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do what you feel is right if his new woman has a problem with it she can just get over herself your friend has passed on and it is sick of her to be jealous. I am sure he has a special place for your friend in his heart I would do something to let him know she is still in yours as well. Maybe, she just shouldn't know!~
2007-06-15 11:22:19 · answer #9 · answered by lashae 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Back off and find new friends. It's been 5 years, for crying out loud.
2007-06-15 11:19:14 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋