Internet is it Cheating?

Question

My husband has been looking at some things on the internet that he shouldnt be (porn). I know this because he told me so. I cried and he promised to stop but how can I be sure? I tried to check the history but he clears it after he is on the computer each time. How can I find out what is going on? Do you think looking and talking to people on the internet is considered cheating for married folks?

Answer 1

Are you his wife or his mother? He is an adult, and if he wants to look at porn, why shouldn't he?

You start with "My husband has been looking at some things on the internet that he shouldnt be (porn). I know this because he told me so" He told you that he was enjoying it, and you took it as a reflection of yourself and your marriage! It has nothing to do with you, or with the way he feels about you. He tried to share his interest with you, and you cried and foght with him. To keep peace he told you he would stop. He has stopped something. He stopped telling you things that you do not want to hear!!

Instead of acting like an adult, you are going behind him on the computer, trying to trace the history of where he has been. All you are going to do is build up resentment. You have given him no real choice. He can do what you want (not visit and view things he enjoys). He can visit them, and he has to hide it from you. Either thing is not what he wants!

Why does it bother you that he is looking at porn? Why do you feel the need to control him? The only way for a marriage to work is for both people to accept the other, the way that they are!!

You do not have to share every interest, nor do you have to spend evey bit of free time together. A strong marriage allows for each person to have their own opinions and time to enjoy activities the other ma not want!

He is home with you. He is not out at a bar trying to pick up a quick fling. There is no way you can say he is cheating!! With no physical contact, and his clothes on, how on earth can he be?????????????

Answer 2

Looking at porn is not really cheating. It isnt much different then back in the 50's when men looked at Playboy EXCEPT for the fact it is A LOT more revealing and more readily available.
As far as chatting online the best term I heard to describe this was that it is an "emotional affair". Why are you chatting like that with a stranger instead of your spouse? You are looking to somebody else to fulfill a need.

If he is clearing the History you can bet he is hiding something.
You can purchase eBlaster online and install it without him ever knowing. It records everything he does on the internet and emails it to you. You will know exactly what he is up to.

Answer 3

My husband looks at porn online, ever now and then, and then he deletes the history. He also send emails to females, and then he deletes the history. He also look for pics of women online, and then he deletes the history. With all of this going on 'online', I think he is curious. Remember there are some men who are big BOYS even while married with or without kids. He deletes the history because he does not want to share this with you. You may ask what may be the problem? Do not believe for one second think that the problem is you. A married man looking at porn can be as simple as 'being curious' and that has been going for years with the Playboy books that men use to hide. Porn is online and other places as well. So do not stress yourself out because of this. He is going sneak-a-peek anyway. The definition of cheating is "a person who behaves in a dishonest way". Is this what you believe? I am saying that he is WRONG and should be communicating with you instead of alienating you. A small piece of advice...first find out what he is secretly hiding, but you would have to prepare yourself for what you may find. If you are too sensitive, let him know how you feel about this, then leave him alone because you can't make him treat you a certain way. He may even escalate the problem. I just hope he listens to your feelings and bring it all out in the open for the sake of the marriage. It does make it hard to keep the trust.

Answer 4

First I think you should evaluate the feelings behind why it bothers you so much that he views porn. so that you are coming from a place of honesty and truth rather then hurt. Secondly, why do you feel the need to check behind him if you two love each other enough to have gotten married why do you feel the need to not trust his word?
Thiridly, if he is clearing the history that is very suspicious, why don't you ask him why he is clearing it, rather then assuming he is doing it for a specific reason.
Fourthly, there are many different ways of cheating. IE. If your husband felt he loved someone other then you in a romantic way but had never contacted them or became intimate with them in anyway how would you feel? It is important to have very clear boundaries within a relationship so that everyone is on the same page rather then guessing.

You two should communicate about this, in my relationship I do not consider looking at porn cheating -- I like to look at it too :) However, flirting, internet sex is--because one of the things I value in my own relationship is the mental chemistry we have and I would be very hurt if he shared that with someone else --in my relationship. What is it in yours?

Answer 5

Looking at porn is far from cheating. If he was engaging in relationships with people over the Internet, that would be different.

Allow him to look at the pornography, or make some kind of compromise. Have you offered to look at these sites with him?

It may be better if you were involved. He will never stop just because you tell him you don't like it.

I would bet dollars to doughnuts that he has been looking at porn a lot longer than he has been with you.

Answer 6

Porn is not cheating. Having a relationship with a particular person on the internet could be cheating but looking up porn is not. Is he spending more time with the computer than you? If not, why worry about it?

Answer 7

Porn is not cheating. Someone else must be involved in some form or fashion for cheating to occur. (text, e-mail, web cam, phone, in person, etc.)

HOWEVER, since he said he wouldn't look at porn (promised) then breaking that promise is lying. (breach of trust) That is another issue entirely.

The only way you can be sure is to install a key logger. But that shows that you have little faith in your husband, and could also be seen as a breach of trust on your part. You must have faith in your husband's integrity, or you must reevaluate why you are in a marriage with no trust.

Answer 8

Babygurl, if you go looking for trouble you are certain to find it. All porn isn't bad porn so find out exactly what he's looking at see if you approve. My husband has been looking at porn longer than we've been together and at first it bothered me. Like you I cried and complained and he promised not to look at it again. And then I checked the history and there were all his little sites. So then he started deleting the history. I asked him to show me what he was looking at and why he liked those sites. What he looked at wasn't so bad; it was everything I wasn't so he was curious to know. Now that I'm comfortable with him looking at it he no longer deletes the history and he tells me what he wants to look at. It sounds crazy but it's not so bad. Better to know that your husband's interests are innocent than to have to wonder what he's doing b/c he deletes the history. Now as far as talking to people, that is a definite no-no in our house. Just like with real women, he can look but no communicating whatsoever. Once you reach out and communicate there's no telling what could happen and that's close enough to cheating for me. So porn, not so bad. Talking to women on the porn sites--I wouldn't recommend it. Good luck to you!

Answer 9

Hate to say it, but if he's still clearing the history, then he's probably still looking. A lot of guys look at porn but it isn't a problem unless they are obsessed and pay to be on certain sites, etc. Since he's still clearing the history, ask him to stop because it's going to take a while for you to trust him. He may be upset because you've caught on to what he's doing, but if he truly respects you, then he will. If not, then you need to sit down with him and discuss whether or not he does have a problem and needs help.

Answer 10

look through temporary internet files to see where he has been. you can erase it, but i am sure he hasn't thought about it. and cookies. because all those porn sites use cookies, and they have spyware, so if you are getting a lot of popups that is another thing. and he shouldn't have to delete the history if he has nothing to hide. and yes, it is cheating. unless the other person knows and it is okay with them, which you said it isn't. it turns into an addiction, although not all the time, and you become comsumed with something you can never have. it's unrealistic and unhealthy.