Women typically want non-sexual physical affection as part of a good relationship. Men want a lot of sexual affection as part of a good relationship. If a woman is stingy with the one, why not use the other in retaliation?
My bro was married for almost 10 years. His wife constantly complained about his lack of affection . . . but was indignant when it was pointed out that once-a-month (if he was very lucky and worked like a dog for it) wasn't reasonable, and a lack of affection would naturally result. They're getting divorced, now, but I think he was right to deny her what she wanted in the relationship because she denied him (and denied him first and oftenest!)
2007-06-15 11:02:45 · 18 answers · asked by terry m 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think it perfectly fair.
Why should anyone get anything for nothing?
If a woman is foolish enough to to performing an act that encourages a closer bond between her and her spouse then it natural for them to become more distant and for him to perform less act of kindness to her.
Like I said its perfectly fair, logical and reasonable.
2007-06-15 12:07:21 · answer #1 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I don't think you can make a blanket generalization like "if a woman denies sex then men should deny affection." If the woman is denying sex as a form of "punishment" to "train" her guy to act the way that she wants him to, then HELL YES he should deny her!! However, if they're not having sex because her libido is really low and there's not a whole lot she can do about it, but she does her best to satisfy his needs in ways other than pure carnal sexuality, then I'd say no, it wouldn't be right to withold affection from her. I think it depends more on the individual situation. In the one you described, yeah, he had every right, IMO.
But in a situation like mine, for instance, (I'm 7 mons prego, have a very low [less than 1x/mon sometimes] sex drive, but I try to show my husband that I am still very much attracted to him and want him every day) then I'd get mad if my husband stopped showing me affection because I just don't want sex.
2007-06-15 18:10:44 · answer #2 · answered by lupinesidhe 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Anyone who feels this way has no business considering marriage in the first place. Just read your own words and honestly ask yourself "Does this sound at all mature, on either side?" Not to me it doesn't.
"Retaliate?" What...are you engaged in a battle or a relationship? "Deny" "Complain" "Indignant" "Stingy"....none of these words carry a positive connotation. If these words are constantly being used, then there are more issues at stake than just 'affection.'
2007-06-15 18:10:50 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
My only question is why? Don't you think if the man was more affectionate the woman would want to have sex more? And vice verse. Holding out sex or affection out of spite is a HUGE sign of problems in the relationship. The cycle just goes round and round and causes more problems and friction.
No wonder he is divorced now.
2007-06-15 18:10:17 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm fond of the old saying two wrongs don't make a right. Yes, she is wrong for denying him sexually, but if he retaliates by denying her emotional affection then she will just continue to deny him sexually. It's a vicious cycle and someone has to be the bigger person in order for it to stop.
2007-06-15 18:12:43 · answer #5 · answered by mshavik 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My ex husband and I got into this cycle.....and that's why we are exes.
To this day my exhusband will say: it doesn't matter who goes first.....someone just needs to reach out. He says that playing that "quid pro quo" game was his worst mistake and he knows it contributed to the demise of our marriage. That if you love someone, you make the move even if they don't.
He 's right....we both should have made the move regardless of waiting on the other one.
Years have passed and we are friends. But we broke up a family over this childish "you first" behavior.
Not good.
Take it from someone who is a little more mature and has learned life lessons.....
2007-06-15 18:14:44 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are trying to play the "two wrongs make a right" card. He won't do this, so I won't do that. What about working on the issues, not trying to hurt each other because you aren't getting what you want. I think that is selfish, childish, and not a mature way to have an open, honest relationship.
2007-06-15 18:15:08 · answer #7 · answered by Kat 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
A woman can hold out a lot longer than a man...Hence their current situation..(divorce) Men are like microwaves when it comes to sex...they feel the urge, they want somewhere to "put it" to relieve themselves and they move on with their day.
Women are like crockpots...they need to be simmered. A little kiss in the morning, "I love you" just because, a look like, "God I am lucky because you're so beautiful"....stuff like that to get them in the mood. Not all women, but works for most.
2007-06-15 18:09:15 · answer #8 · answered by Lisa D 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Maybe they should have done a little more talking and alot less "childishness".
Did your brother ever try to find out WHY his wife was disinterested in sex? (Doubt it)
Did she ever talk to him and try to come up with a solution to the problem instead of just ignoring it?
Both were wrong and I hope they used this experience to "grow up" and learn from it. If not, they will just screw up their next relationship.
2007-06-15 18:14:30 · answer #9 · answered by Matt 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why be in a relationship with someone who "denies" you something important? It's not a tug of war. By playing the game of denial, you rob yourself of happiness, not just your partner.
2007-06-15 18:08:04 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋