My husband wants a divorce, infact he's already filed... but yet... acts like he doesn't, still tells me he loves me, we are still sexually active, still go out and have a great time together. I do all this with him cause I love him with all my heart and will do anything to keep him, but why is he? He says after the divorce is final he would love to start completely over and work everything out and then re-marry. Is this crazy to anyone else? We have 2 kids together and 1 due in a month. What should I do? I know it's easy to say move on, but that's definately easier SAID than DONE! I married him for all the right reasons, and don't want to get divorced, but should I quit trying?
2007-06-15 09:33:33 · 43 answers · asked by Gina R 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My husband wants a divorce, infact he's already filed... but yet... acts like he doesn't. our 2 year marriage has always been a little rockybut i try to do EVERYTHING he asks for... EVERYTHING! he still tells me he loves me, we are still sexually active, still go out and have a great time together. I do all this with him cause I love him with all my heart and will do anything to keep him, but why is he? He says after the divorce is final he would love to start completely over and work everything out and then re-marry later on. Is this crazy to anyone else? We have 2 kids together and 1 due in a month. What should I do? I know it's easy to say move on, but that's definately easier SAID than DONE! I married him for all the right reasons, and don't want to get divorced, but should I quit trying?
2007-06-15 09:58:56 · update #1
you guys are great.... yes.. i know i sound like a total push over basically.... any other time i'm not... i stand my grounds... but now... it's like I will do anything to try to make him change his mind about his decision to divorce. I don't want it at all, I want us all to be a strong and happy family.
2007-06-15 10:01:51 · update #2
maybe he just wants to date consider an open marrage and the both of you see other people
2007-06-23 06:34:17 · answer #1 · answered by shultzie knows best 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I know exactly how you fell! I was there 3 years ago. I had a 4,3, and 4 month old baby when my husband decided he wanted a devorce. It came out of now where! At first a cried and kept telling him no dont leave cause I too was scared of the divorce life for my children and I. You will feel that way for awhile it is only natural for a women to try adn keep her family together. Trust me though you will get to the point where you will say enough is enough and I dont deserve this crap! Toke me about 2 months. I was a stay at home and felt I had no way to make a living then I just decided I had to go get help from the state. I went to school and everything, I felt great! As soon as I decided I wasnt going to let him run my life and make me unhappy he wanted me back. Funny how things like that happen. He relized the grass is not greener on the other side. We worked things out and have been more happy then before for 3 years now. I hope you all the best and in time I know you will beable to relize that you dont deserve this!
2007-06-23 01:31:32 · answer #2 · answered by Becky A 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Holy cow! Talk about mixed messages!
You need a marriage counselor right now! Call and make an appointment for the earliest possilble time.
Tell him if he wants to start over and work everything out, you're fine with that. Tell him you'll start right away, at whatever time your appointment is.
If he really wants a divorce, the counselor can help him say that in a way that makes sense. If he doesn't really want a divorce, the counselor can help the two of you get to the root of the trouble.
Don't let him weasel out of the appointment, no matter what. It's the least he can do for you.
2007-06-15 09:40:47 · answer #3 · answered by HH in AK 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like HE is the one who should be asking all these questions. It sounds like he's majorly confused. Why would he be filing for divorce if he still loves you and has a great time with you? Something else is obviously going on that you're not telling us.
Whatever you decide, it has to be a CLEAN break. He can't have his cake and eat it too. He wants a divorce from you so he doesn't have to be committed. That way, he can go off and screw anything w/ 2 legs but still be sexually active with YOU. Hellllooo? are you really going to let him disrespect you by letting him call ALL the shots? You're acting like a wimpering puppy who will do anything he wants.
YOU need to be strong and call the shots. Say to him - look, if you want a divorce, then let's divorce - I'll sign the papers today. But that means, no more dates, no more sex, nothing. That's what divorce means, you idiot!! But if you don't want a divorce, then I'm willing to try again but you can't have it BOTH ways!!
2007-06-15 09:38:44 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
you know what it sounds like to me.. as if he might want his cake and eat his ice cream too.. I would tell him that you love him and if he still wants this divorce then that's it. its final not that we can still be together and maybe re marry. Because when you get divorced and then all of a sudden he is with someone else, there is nothing you can do about it. I would also ask him if he really loved you he would stop being a pussy and try. maybe you should ask for counseling. well good luck and I hope that things work out.. take care. ciao.
2007-06-21 00:43:27 · answer #5 · answered by jason l 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Guys do this craziness sometimes. Women often think that because they are pregnant their husband is somehow as happy and all engrossed in the pregnancy as they are. In fact, it's just the opposite. Guys hate when their wives are pregnant because all of her attention is focused on the child and not on him. Even if women try not to do this, still, 95% of their attention is addressed to the unborn (as perhaps it should be).
What your husband is expressing is a great deal of anger and frustration at the situation. It may not be focused on you, not at all. What is driving him nuts is his own feelings and the fact that no one is listening to him. He's not into this right now.
However, you have to, for your own sanity, decide, is he getting divorced or not? If he has filed, then it's time to tell him he has a choice, either withdraw the filing or else move out. No sex. No dates. Just send the child support payment each month. Don't deal with his games. He's got to put up or shut up. And this is a guy speaking here.
2007-06-15 09:36:09 · answer #6 · answered by John B 7 · 7⤊ 0⤋
You deserve better. The fact that you mentioned that you do everything for him and will do anything to keep him disturbs me. You are being emotionally abused by this selfish man. Talk about having your cake and eating it too. How dare he do something so mean and hurtful to you. You may have married him for the right reasons but it is obvious that he is not in agreement with you on that. He is playing a dangerous game but my take on it is that he really does want out of the marriage. Please be careful and take care of yourself and your children. This should be a joyous time for you with the upcoming birth of your third child. You should not be worrying. God bless you, and please don't spend time wondering what you could have done differently, it is not your fault. It sounds to me like he has an awful lot of growing up to do.
2007-06-22 21:56:11 · answer #7 · answered by Deborah Z 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that before you go any further, you two need some serious counseling...I'm NOT kidding. You act married, but he's filed?? What exactly is his drive? Have you asked him specifically WHY he's done this? If he wants to rebuild the relationship, it would be less emotionally taxing (not to mention financially) to just work it out rather than drag the entire family through the divorce process! He's a mental case.....maybe you WOULD be better off without him (sorry -- had to say it).
2007-06-15 09:38:16 · answer #8 · answered by Brutally Honest 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Ok this sounds like what I went through I was with my bf for 4 years we have 2 kids together. Things got really bad between us in my eyes so instead of ending things all together I decided that we should seperate for a bit and get back together in the future. So he agreed with me he moved out for awhile and then when we decided to get back together after getting things worked out everything was fine. Bring that up with your husband and see what he thinks it sounds like what he wants is some time away but tell him to keep in mind that he has a baby on the way. Good Luck
2007-06-15 09:38:39 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes this sounds a little crazy to me theres something wrong with him. Maybe he is trying to convince you that everything is going to be alright and that he wants to start all over again. But maybe he's plan is to convince you that everything is going to be ok but once you sign the divorce papers he leaves you for good, he is probably waiting for you to drop your guard down. I hope this never happens to you, but you need to be careful you never know, it takes a cunning person to know another. Just make sure that if you sign the divorce papers make sure you and your kids future is secured, dont sign until you are guaranteed your taken care off first.
2007-06-15 09:48:40 · answer #10 · answered by D S♦T♦A♦R♦S 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, im sorry you are in that situation. I don't understand why he would want to spend all that money to divorce you then spend more to remarry you. I think he is using you. He wants a divorce so he has all the rights to do what he wants or who he wants. I don't know if taking him back is what I would do. Was your marriage good? was he faithful to you? if things werent to good then i would really consider moving on. He is willing to leave you and your children even if it is for just a while that will still have a big impact on your children. You don't need to put yourself in that situation again.
2007-06-15 09:43:10 · answer #11 · answered by Brandy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋