Can some body tell me what I am doing wrong please?

Question

I am a male 21 yrs old and I have a problem making any friends, I am somewhat a shy person but i really would like to have friends to hang out with just like normal ppl. I am good looking, well built and smart but communicating with people is my problem. What can I do to get out of this condition i am in?
PLease help

Answer 1

Practice. I too have had this problem. I was socially awkward, didn't know what to say to people, thought I would sound stupid. Eventually, I really started listening to what other people said when meeting new people and I finally realized that everyone sounds stupid. it is all boring inane getting to know you chit-chat and unfortunately it is a necessary evil. My point is, start listening to what other people say and copy it in your next conversation. if you show interest in people, they will respond to you.
Worked for me. In fact I have too many friends now and I just wish they would go away and leave me in peace. =)

Answer 2

If your in college I would suggest joining some clubs or intermural sports team. If not when I moved to a new city the first thing I did was look for a sports and social league it is an easy way to make new friends. Also it's ok to be shy talking to people you don't know can be really uncomforatable. So why your working on approching people make sure your working on your body language. Look relaxed and smile and smiling face is much more inviting and makes it easier for people to approch you. Good Luck!

Answer 3

It is good that you recognize that you are having communication issues, but don't think you are doing something wrong, or that there is something wrong with you. Undoubtedly, it is related to your inability to communicate effectively. Communicating is paramount in life. Our ability to communicate is one of the most powerful tools we have. It can make or break a relationship, affect our jobs, and it really is so important, and it is something that can be learned. To communicate well, you need to focus on the person you are speaking with. Learn to become a great listener. Because a relationship is two-sided, it is imperative that you understand the process of give and take...to be able to share as well as to listen. Also, what message do you give others with your eyes; your body? Are your eyes downcast? Do you slump? It might seem insignificant, but body language also plays a part in the way you communicate, and the way others see you. There are so many self-help books available that cover these skills and I would recommend reading a few. I would imagine, there are sites on line as well. You just have to re-program your thinking a bit, but you can do this! Honest!

Answer 4

You are not doing anything wrong. For you it just sounds like you need practice. Just get out there & socalize. You'll make a coupe of gaffs, a faux pas or two, blush on occasion but you'll have broken your barrier and you'll be just fine. Some of us are just not naturally social. I just started prending i wasn't nervous & it started flowing easily after not too long. Find someone at a party who is standing alone & say, "I don't really know anyone here." Introduce yourself & bring up a topic that really intrests you. Ask several things about the other person to show he/she has your attention. Introduce yourself to others & ask to be introduced. You can do it!

Answer 5

Well, if you are shy, try some Internet friends. I love my internet friends. They really brighten my day! If you want friends closer to you, you're going to have to get out more. You might try work, or old school friends. Myspace is a good way to connect with people. You can find people you went to school with, and try to hang out with them ( or you can make new friends from work, church, or just around town). Join a gym, join some kind of group. That way, you'll be able to go out somewhere and socialize.

Answer 6

You need to surround your self with opportunities. Go to places that invite discussion or places where there are large groups of people. Some areas have groups that meet for whatever interests they may share. Look through the newspaper. On Fridays my local paper has a list of events that are going on around town. You have to get out there, nothing is going to happen if you don't.

Answer 7

well when u first meet someone u would like to get to know and u think that's a great person it's always nice to start talking to them, and that's how it all starts u start talking to someone and maybe the other person would to get to know u. so u guys just talk, talk, and, talk. i'm good at communicating with other people. just give it a try, if u just stay quiet ur not gonna get anywhere unles the other person talks to u first. it works with me every time and that's why i have a lot of friends. give it a try and see what happens

Answer 8

Nothing is wrong. I think the older you get, you, yourself, find it harder to make friends because you know what kind of friends you want and don't want. As children, we'll play with anyone, no questions asked. But as adults, we are picky. I moved to my current resident 4 years ago, and I still do not have any real socialable friends. It is mainly because I tend to see if we would have anything in common. Good luck on your search.

Answer 9

Dont be afraid to be judged. I had that same problem- and it got me nowhere. I was so scared to be myself- I was so scared to show myself. I missed out on alot of important events because of my social anxiety. All you can do is be who you are. Keep a smile on your face and be open to meaningless conversation. I suggest starting small talk with one person every day...The next week try two people a day. You will show people that you are not a hermit. There are plenty of excersizes like these that can help you. I suggest you google "Social Anxiety"-

Answer 10

Making friends is alot more difficult than people think, especially, if youre shy. The only way you can do it is to get out there and socialize, people will soon realise youre good to be around and they'll start calling you to see what youre doing.