Question on dating and a person's beliefs on Christian theology?
I have been dating a born-again Christian for about 5 months now (I am a born-again Christian also). We have since the start of the relationship questioned each other's beliefs to make sure we were on the same page and not dating each other in vain. All along it seemed we agreed on the basics, such as how to become a Christian, what it means to be a Christian, the importance of church, and also major moral issues. Now we have figured out that we disagree on the more in-depth issues such as speaking in tongues, prophecy, modern-day miracles and a few other things. How important is it that a couple agree on EVERYTHING that has to do with their Christian beliefs? I would really hate this issue to break me and my boyfriend apart.
2007-06-15 08:27:23 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Many of the ideas you mention define complete sects of belief.
On the other hand, since many of those issues are rather subjective, where on the planet will you find *ANYONE* who believes EXACTLY what you believe?
For that matter, where you find anyone who believes exactly what you do about finances, and child-rearing, and haircuts, and toothpaste tubes, and...?
You won't.
You both need to learn what "tolerance" means.
Stop over-analyzing.
Beliefs are important to you, but if you pick and pick and pick at something, it will bleed.
2007-06-15 08:38:50 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
All you need to really agree on is God is God, and Christ is the savior.
The enemy of Christians isn't the devils as much as other Christians. God works differently with people, and so their faith is different. If you have those core beliefs, then that is all you need. You can disagree with tongues, prophecy, and not believe, but you can't tell the other that it is wrong, and scoff. Why would you?
I was baptist, and had it drilled in my head that all those things were fake or something else, until I experienced them. It is growing as a Christian. I am NOT willing to tell others they are wrong, when they are closer to God then I am.
The question is, how and why would that break you up. I know it means different churches, but if whom-ever doesn't believe would commit to go for a length of time, and try, they will soon realize what is missing, and this it is all another step in the right direction.
2007-06-15 08:40:26 · answer #2 · answered by Computer Dr. 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Personal Experience...
My husband and I dated for 3 years. Been married now for 11. I always thought we were on the same page when it came to religion. Almost NINE years into the marriage he decided to leave our faith and told me that he really never believed it. He wants me to leave and doesn't want our children to be a part of it.
It's TOUGH! I am so in love with him, and I feel that who a person is, how he treats you, your kids, the kind of a man he is - is much more important than how he chooses to worship or what he believes or doesn't believe. But with that said there are still times where it hurts. It's hard, and sometimes I'm a little resentful. He turned our marriage upside down.
It's good that you know these things before, if you decide to get married. Now all you need to do is find out with in yourself if you are willing to "agree to dis-agree" on certain subjects.
Just know going into it, it's tough! And I was blind-sided. I didn't ask for this, I could have walked away. Marriage is tough, and when you find that someone special it's worth the struggles you sometimes have to be with each other.
Good Luck!
2007-06-15 08:59:04 · answer #3 · answered by jt 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've been here. OFTEN! With boyfriends, husband, in-laws, co-workers, parents... It happens. The key is respect. That you BOTH respect each other's beliefs.
It wouldn't hurt to read more christian books together that discuss the interpretations of the Bible. That may open you both up to either the other's beliefs or totally different interpretations that you may develop together. You never know.
You could also talk to your pastor. Set up an appointment and have a set of questions that you would each like to explore. That is a great way to get a respected opinion.
And still, you have to remember that some people are just set in their ways because "my Mom told me..." or "when I was a kid our pastor/sunday school teacher said..." They didn't come up with the beliefs on their own...they were basically brainwashed.
I firmly believe in reading and re-reading and re-reading the Bible. You learn more and more from the same exact passages depending on where you are in your life. Some people never read the Bible, they let the pastor tell them what & how to believe. I teach my children what I believe, what other's believe, AND I tell them to read and re-read the Bible...because what really matters is what THEY believe. Fresh minds (un-brainwashed) reading and interpreting the Bible...now, that's some of the best interpretations (not hindered by past explanations/interpretations).
But, when questions come up about interpretations, talk to your pastor.
Don't let Satan step in between the two of you. Two good people who belong together. He would just love to have you two fighting over the small stuff ----especially when it pertains to Christianity, The Bible, and/or God. Stay strong. Stay committed to God (and all the major stuff...). God Bless.
2007-06-15 08:43:38 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
What's important is you realise that it is normal to have different view on things - anything. It is ok that you do not share the same view on in depth issues related to Christianity. As long as you acknowledge the fact and respect each others' thoughts on the matter. Remember, thee can be other thingas that could break a couple apart such financial issues, how to raise a kid etc. Better still, speak to a pastor or priest.
You are both there for each other so do not allow such trivial things come between your love. My husband and I do not agree on many things as well but we realise each others' view and accept it. You can both share your view but DO NOT impose your view on the other.
When you both decide to get married and have kids, talk about how you want things to be. You will have to learn how to compromise. Rasing kids and teaching them each other's believes will be a tricky one. Just remember, when it comes to kids, raise them to be God fearing people and respect for parents. Good Luck!
2007-06-15 08:38:06 · answer #5 · answered by SG GAL 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The only concern with this is can you agree on which church to attend after you're married? Chruches that speak in tongues are different often-from churches that don't. Above all though, is the issue of love. God is ALL about love and everything else is definitely background. If you love each other and can except the differences fine. But if you can't, then I would find someone more compatible with your belifes. On the plus side, my sister married a guy who doesn't speak in tongues, -she does- and they have a great marriage. They have to compromise on their churches (many denominations have services that cater to both), but they pray together every night and study together and they feel completely equally yoked.
Blessings,
2007-06-15 08:40:59 · answer #6 · answered by Mary L 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In Romans 14, Paul discusses this very question. Basically, he says that we are to allow others latitude when it comes to practices, but never give in on the essentials.
It sounds like that's where the two of you are. You agree on the major issues, but have differences of opinion on what Paul describes as "disputable matters" (Rom 14:1).
(Rom 14:13)"Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother's way." Respect each other's opinions. It can lead to some lively discussions. Just don't let it harm your faith.
If you really have a problem with some of his practices, you may need to go your separate ways. But if it's just acceptance of IDEAS of Christian practices, that's where you need to exercise tolerance. It's a question for prayer and reflection.
2007-06-15 09:35:29 · answer #7 · answered by HH in AK 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Questions of Christian "practice" are very important, and could, alas, mark the end of this relationship. If one of you is Charismatic/Pentecostal and the other, not, then you could still find yourself at odds on things that you each consider to be important. What you believe about these things will determine what church you BOTH attend, TOGETHER, and what church you would bring any children to. If you can't agree to disagree, and then agree to go to the same church, together, even though it doesn't teach what one of you believes, this relationship is doomed.
2007-06-15 08:35:46 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You as a couple are a perfect example of the entire Christian Church. According to Jesus being a Christian is what is important. The issues that you bring up are the details and actually neither of you are likely to prove the other wrong in your lifetimes.
As one book says, "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff."
Your differences in opinion are just that. Opinions. But you both are Christians and that is what is important. Hopefully you have more than just religion in common though.
Take care,
Troy
2007-06-15 08:39:44 · answer #9 · answered by tiuliucci 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Do the issues you disagree over have eternal consequences? If not, don't worry about it. If one of you thinks you have to speak in tongues to be considered "Spirit filled" and the other doesn't, that's a problem. Can both of you try to look at Bible verses to back up the other person's view? That may help you to see where the other person is coming from.
2007-06-15 08:38:18 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
So if you hold hands are you trying to get a 2 for 1 deal with god?
Just kidding, look no one will ever completely agree on God and everything surrounding him. I don't mean to preach, even though my grandma was an ordained minister in the Pentecostal religion. Here's what I believe no one but you will get you to heaven. period so why does it matter if someone agrees on every point? Your belief is between you and god not you and anyone else. Just love each other
2007-06-15 08:42:03 · answer #11 · answered by walker9842 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋