I'm married and want to be with another man..?

Question

Ok so I'm a 45+ femal that joined classmates last year and got in touch with an old boyfriend. We shared the summer of '78 and what a summer it was... anyways we have stayed in touch through emails, and phone calls. Heres the problem, He is divorced and a very religious man, he would never even consider kissing me cause I'm married, even though I know he wants to be with me. To him even having sexual thoughts about a married women is a sin. I want this man sooooooo bad I can't think straight sometimes. I'm not that happy in my married lide (bored). Even when he does say something sexual to me if gives me goose bumps.. what to do???? HELP

Answer 1

Not only are you and this man having an emotional affair, he is a hypocrite for claiming to be religious. The fact that he says sexual things to you is sickening.

Remind this man who claims to be religious about these 2 commandments:
#6 "Neither shall you commit adultery."
Adultery is the breaking of the holy bond between husband and wife, and is thus a sacrilege. This commandment includes not just the act of adultery, but lust as well.
#10 "Neither shall you covet your neighbor's wife."

Sounds like alot of lusting and coveting going on here.

End this childish non-sense now. You're a grown woman, not a child. This man is not perfect. You're living in a dreamworld. In reality he farts and he has bad breath in the morning just like any other human being.

Work to rebuild your marriage. Go to marriage counseling with your husband. Whatever it takes.

If you continue down this path, you will regret it.

Answer 2

Well, it's time to grow up. You are too immature if you have to ask that question, "what to do"

You obviously don't love your husband and whether your sleeping with the guy or not, your cheating on him.

The guy that you want to have an affair with has alot more class than you, because he's respecting your marriage alot more than you.

Read it carefully, because it is something you should already know at 45 years old. If your married to a man you do not love, because your bored and you want to have sex with a man that gives you goose bumps, because he said something sexual, then you have to get a divorce!

Learn something new everyday, huh?

Answer 3

You are already flirting with disaster...

This kind of thing NEVER works out, and there is always a lot of heartache later.

Remember the golden rule.. "Don't do to others what you wouldn't want them to do to you...."

If you continue to play with fire, you WILL get burned....

Get your act together and start to take control of your life. You are no longer an immature 18-year-old who doesn't know better. Come on...!

Answer 4

It's always exciting to think of starting again, a chance to make amends, to avoid the mistakes of the past, and a chance at a whole new adventure. So I can well understand your desire to go after your boy friend. What's also exciting is to reminisce about our youth and our past and that's nice too because we tend to remember the nice memories while the less positive ones have faded. But it's not necessarily like that.

My ex did that, she moved in with an old school chum when we split up. It didn't turn out as she expected. Oh she's content enough having accepted her fellow the way he is now rather than how she remembered him, but I'd not call her ecstatically happy which was her expectation. Still though, perhaps compared to your current marriage, content is still a step up, only you can answer that.

I'd start with what you have. Why are you bored, was it always like that? If it was then, perhaps there's nothing there for you. On the other hand if it was exciting at some time, why isn't it today, what's happened? Perhaps if you can answer those questions for yourself in an honest manner, you can better decide whether anything can be salvaged from the marriage. If the answer is no, the next steps aren't going to be nice but they're not as terrible as they seem either.

For one thing I'd suggest you get to know your fellow a lot better. It's one thing dating and reminiscing, it's quite something else to live with him as you've probably discovered with your present marriage. I'm sure he is sexually exciting, I've had experiences like that too, but frankly if that's all there is the excitement isn't going to endure over time and if you have nothing else to fall back on, you may be even more bored and unhappy.

One thing that does concern me too are his religious principles. I do admire people who decide to follow a faith and then actually adhere to its rules, that is a rare and special person. But there's something to consider when you find someone like that and move in with them. Ultimately you will have to live by the same rules. Can you do that?

I'm not suggesting that he's necessarily going to impose the rules on you, and if he really cares he's not even going to ask you to consider them, but they will none the less affect your relationship and possibly your happiness. Take the sex thing just now, already you're suffering because of his rules. While he's imposing anything on you, by his inaction and rigid adherence to his rules he's also not meeting your needs because his faith and belief system is more important than your needs are. Personally I believe that people are more important than principles but there are others, perhaps him, who believe principles are more important than people.

This is something you'll have to really think about carefully, once you're married and thus legitimate, there may be sex finally, but perhaps not as exciting as you expect, and perhaps not as frequently as you expect. And no doubt there will be other things that pop up unexpectedly like him giving up sex for a month or two as a result of a religious prohibition or simply to honour his God. Things like this have the potential to drive you crazy in the longer term. These are also things you can't usually compromise on, after all, religious principles are rigid and unchangeable so whether you like it or not you have to accept it because he can't live with himself any other way.

That said though, if you can live with that, then go for it. That means a divorce but it won't be too bad as long as your husband is reasonable about it. Of course there's the question of whether your fellow's church will marry you since you're divorced but then he is too and there are enough ways to get married so that shouldn't be an impediment.

The only thing I'd suggest is get divorced now, and date for a year or so to get to know him a lot better so that you go into this marriage with your eyes wide open knowing exactly what to expect. That prevents later disappointments and possible recriminations of having made a serious mistake.

One last thing I'll share with you. I've wanted a women the same way you've want this man, I was really desperate. There was a real love in me and an incredible urgency. Alas though, when we finally did get to the stage of sharing a bed, while the moment was great, it didn't last. Once the passions were sated it was time to live with the person and I found that she wasn't nearly as attractive any more afterwards as she had been initially. Perhaps I was only infatuated and thus I was blind to the realities before me, perhaps it was love but we were too different. I don't really know, but it was an interesting lesson for me. Personally, if at all possible I'd prefer you found a way to leap into bed with him before you commit to a divorce and a marriage. But I can understand that this might not be possible ever.

I hope this helps a little. Good Luck!

Answer 5

this isn't about the guy from school. it's about wanting to feel young and alive again. your marriage is stalled and rather than work on it, you fixate on this guy from your past. you had no business making contact with this guy to begin with... if you were feeling lonely you should have talked with your husband... nostalgic, open your yearbook. now that you have, though, it's important that you realize that more than likely you'd meet with him and you would have put your marriage in jeapardy for nothing. he should be a gentleman and walk away until/unless you sort things out with your husband. if you decide that the marriage isn't fixable, THEN find him. why make a mess when you haven't cleaned this one up yet?

Answer 6

Being "Bored" in your married life is no excuse to want to cheat. You are a 45+ female and should know better. You should go to cousoling with your husband and see if you can't save your marriage if it really means much to you

Answer 7

Another big time Christian having phone sex with a married woman.

I'm sure Jesus can't stop throwing up on people like your boyfriend.

Oh and by the way if your husband was having phone sex with another woman and you found out you'd cut his balls off. So what should happen to you?

Finally, maybe you should look to yourself about the bedroom issues. Maybe if you didn't lay there like a dead fish thinking of cheating on your husband things might improve.

Answer 8

Get a divorce and be with this man instead. You're not being fair to your husband by lusting after this other man. If this other man wasn't as religious as you say, you would've probably cheated already. Stop being so selfish and inconsiderate. You didn't say your husband mistreated you; no good husband deserves a wife like you.

Answer 9

Its the thought that counts. Its exciting to be wanted by some one, and it most likely turns you on that you can't be with him If you aren't happy with you marriage, get out, best to be happy anad not married then married and trapped.

Answer 10

Go to your Husband and tell him the truth. You owe him that much. When you're done.. leave him. (If he doesn't leave you first like he should). If you weren't happy in your marraige you should have atleast given your husband the respect of telling him that before you even entertained thoughts about someone else. The sad part is you are a grown woman and should have known better in the first place. I can't even believe that your "God fearing" partner in crime is even entertaining you in this matter.