We were married 9 years. I fought really hard to get him back. I filed for divorce but we tried to make things work out. It's been about a year. I do forgive him, but I just don't feel the same about him. I feel that he could not have really loved me if he could go outside our marriage. Anyone ever feel this way?
I also feel that we are falling in to the same agruments, the same direction.
2007-06-15 06:38:59 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We have no young children. His stepson is 20 and gone. He does not use alcohol or drugs.
Most of the time he is trying to make things work. He does whatever it takes to make assure me that he is where he says he'll be.
Yes, I'm definitely confused.
2007-06-15 06:53:27 · update #1
I would feel the same way if my hudsband cheated on me, but if you don't love him anymore its his fault for letting you down once. Don't feel guilty you did everything you could, just move on this time.
2007-06-15 06:45:50 · answer #1 · answered by Scarlet 3 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Forgiving and forgetting are different things. Neither of you should forget the mistakes made but if you do forgive him (which I admire you for being strong enough to do) and you worked through things then I don't think you should give up now. It would have been much easier probably to have gone through with the divorce. This shows that you did want your marriage to survive so there has to be love inside. To rebuild your relationship and feelings for each other I suggest you "date" each other again. Silly as that sounds, planning dates, going out together like you probably did before your marriage, gives you opportunities to talk and enjoy yourselves away from your normal daily routines. Love can be rekindled and I think you care enough to want to save this or you'd already have ended it.
Sit down calmly and agree to discuss whatever it is you keep arguing about. Unless you can calmly resolve the problem or at least come to accept each others feelings on the issue this argument will keep resurfacing.
I think you want to save this marriage. Give it a chance.
2007-06-15 07:15:03 · answer #2 · answered by hazel b grand 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Me and my first serious boyfriend were together for 3 years. It wasn't the best relationship, but I stayed with him. I would tell him that one day, I was going to say I didn't care, and mean it. That day came, and no matter what he did to try to make things work, I just didn't care anymore, and I didn't love him. All the wrong things he did before didn't bother me as much, cause I just didn't care. Right at the end of our relationship, I did cheat on him, and I never had before. If you don't care or love someone, there is no reason to remain in the relationship. I'm glad there are no children of your own involved in this. It's really not your fault you feel this way. You can't control the way you feel, but please don't cheat. Get out of the marriage, then go on with your life. You deserve happiness.
2007-06-15 06:57:12 · answer #3 · answered by ron-D 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you don't resolve the issues that started the entire mess (and I'm talking about the issues that lead to the affair - not the affair) than you're doomed to repeat the past. And honestly, if you don't think you love him anymore than let him go. You are only wasting time. Life is short and you both still have time enough to find someone worth spending your life with. Staying in a marriage because it's comfortable is wrong. You should only be there if you love each other. And if neither one of you is willing to work at it to fix the issues, then you don't love each other.
2007-06-15 06:47:43 · answer #4 · answered by Phaylynn 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stop spinning your wheels! You took him back and forgave him. Now you want him to be the man you married .................. problem is "you don't want the man you married".
You didn't fight to get him back, In fact the fight wasn't even about him. You fought because it's your nature. You didn't want to lose him to another (better) woman. So you fought the battle and the "best" woman won. The crazy thing is, it's been a year and you can walk away from "him" now and it probably wouldn't matter to you if he went back to her.
Love is already a tricky thing, what do you think happens when you add a scorned woman?
2007-06-15 06:59:00 · answer #5 · answered by dadgonewild 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
A few important things:
Do you have children together? How does he treat you? Does he use drugs or alcohol?
Your trust is diminished, you can work on that if you go to a couples therapist. If you have children together, it is important they grow up w/ a stable, happy mommie and daddy. If your family life consists of fighting, crying, screaming, that may not be the best way to raise your children. You are their fist role models.
I took my cheating ex back after I found out, he told me, (we are no longer together and I've moved on) I wish to this day I hadn't.
2007-06-15 06:47:58 · answer #6 · answered by pristrent 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know how you feel, & "dadgonewild" right. I did the samething, It was me fighting for me not my marriage. My own experience of being cheated on is that if a person is inclined to cheat, it is very difficult for them to change their ways. Maybe there is someone who will give you the answer you are looking for. But you deserve better than this. There are men out there who are mature enough not to do things like this.
2007-06-15 07:04:35 · answer #7 · answered by WhyNotMe 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
You do not seem pleased with the situation or your partner. Maybe its time to get out of DODGE,,, Especially if things are going backwards and you feel in your gut and heart that you are living a lie*...
2007-06-15 08:10:41 · answer #8 · answered by dca2003311@yahoo.com 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are not in love with him then why did you fight so hard to get him back? Why didn't you let him stay with the woman he was with? Sound to me that you're confused.
2007-06-15 06:45:25 · answer #9 · answered by wisdom_women 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Get a divorce.
2007-06-15 06:47:36 · answer #10 · answered by Klingon 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋