why is it so hard for my husband to have sex without a BJ first? for a while he denied it, saying that he just likes to have one before sex... and btw, this started with me; he never had this issue with any other girls. but last night pissed me off so badly that i've cut him off until further notice. and i changed the password on our computer so he can't look at porn anymore... until i see an improvement. so last night, i thought he was asleep, so i changed into some pjs and brushed my teeth and went to bed... but then he started with the whine (which means he wants something)... i told him, "no. i don't feel like doing that and i've already done it once today." he said, "fine. goodnight." i called him a jerk and told him to go whack it. he fell asleep like two seconds later.
usually i give in... but last night i didn't, just to see what would happen. now i'm really disappointed. so my question is why do guys do this? and how can i change it?
2007-06-15 06:21:40 · 22 answers · asked by termite choking on the splinters 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
and he used to believe in mutual foreplay, but he hasn't done ANYTHING for me in over 6 months. he kisses me all the time and tells me he loves me, but he doesn't do anything to me before sex. he just wants his. :(
and i'm pregnant (but not really showing).
2007-06-15 06:25:09 · update #1
I enjoy getting a BJ before sex, but I wouldn't demand it. He should be happy to get it at all. A lot of women I know absolutely will not do that. As a man I will tell you that if I was a woman, I wouldn't tolerate that crap. He either wants to be with you or he doesn't. That shouldn't be a factor.
2007-06-15 06:27:02 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
My husband is the same way, only he doesn't bother with the kisses or anything else, what I hear is "u wanna fool around" if I say no he pouts, if i say yes he reaches for me. The most he does is rub my shoulder, oh wow what kind of a turn on that is,(being sarcastic). Talk to him, tell him that you are feeling really forgotten in the foreplay area and you need a little more attention on yourself to get in the mood. Explain nicely that sure blowing him is a kind of turn on but you'd like some physical stimulation as well.
2007-06-15 13:41:47 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ok, I'm confused....he wants a bj to completion before sex? Or just as foreplay? If it's just foreplay, do it. But then know what you want in the way of foreplay too and insist on it - in fact make sure you get yours first. If he's not been willing - then it's time to talk to him outside of the bedroom and get your point across (without making him wrong, cuz if you do that, he will never hear you).
2007-06-15 13:26:19 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He sounds very selfish. He also sounds a little thick (sorry). I say that because if he were a smart man he would realize that the more he keeps you happy the more BJ's he'll get. I think I would recommend marriage counseling. This issue is deeper than it appears. Selfishness can do real damage in a marriage and your guy is very and a bit spoiled.
2007-06-15 13:33:54 · answer #4 · answered by Dino 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I hate to be blunt, But he either likes them as do most men or he's grown tired of what you have to offer, and can't get excited with what you have to offer. Men need visual and physical aspects of sex.
Just remember this if you cut him, he find it somewhere else, withholding sex only starts something bigger.
Try talking to him like an adult instead of acting like a child who's taking her toys home because he's not playing right.
Let me ask you this, do you just like to be bent over a chair with out any notice and have it put to you hard and fast not caring whether your excited or not? I bet your saying no way in he!!, so you want to be turned on instead of just performing? Are you starting to see my point we all have things we like done to put us in the mood, christ. you two need to start completely over or get away from each other.
He needs a BJ to put him in the mood and you'd rather not have any fore play, you two shouold have looked a lil closer at each others applications before getting married.
Hope this helps
2007-06-15 13:36:44 · answer #5 · answered by walker9842 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
HAHAHA...i currently have the same problem...i love to f*ck so I'm willing to do a bj to my boyfriend in order to get him hard and ready 2 f*ck me....i personally do not really like givin bj because i don't get anything out of them....but then again every time i give him a bj before sex he last longer and f*ck's the hell out of me....so if giving him a bj is worth it then do it!!!! if its not then HELL NO....you re not getting pleasure out of it HE IS....
2007-06-15 13:40:26 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes a guy gets into a habit and has a hard time getting erect without it. Perhaps he has found himself in that situation with the oral before sex. He might need to be reconditioned to have sex without oral.
2007-06-15 13:52:07 · answer #7 · answered by Melanie J 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you 2 need to talk it out, calmly, and maturely.
Explain to him how you feel.... and as the man that loves you, he should listen and try to understand where you're coming from.
Ask him why he isn't as willing to give.... as he is to request things from you.
Communication is key. If you hold things in, they just build up... and eventually lead to a big blow out.
Especially if you're pregnant, you don't need stress like that.
Talk to him.
2007-06-15 13:28:26 · answer #8 · answered by hiccups13 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Maybe just give him a little oral foreplay to get him ready to make love. Don't take him orally all the way.
2007-06-15 13:26:12 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
He's only doing what you allow him to do. Allowing him to watch porn was your first mistake because I believe that's how it first starts off, BJ then intercourse. Maybe he's fantasizing about the porn when you're giving him a BJ.
2007-06-15 13:31:37 · answer #10 · answered by wisdom_women 3 · 2⤊ 2⤋