I almost feel for her would you???

Question

Wife and highschool sweetheart of 15 years had an affair and left me for her coworker. Its was a shock and happened soooo fast. She was in "lust" and wasn't thinking very clearly. She had to rent a shack in town literally because he could lose his job if they moved in together. We have two kids and they suffered a great deal in the beginning. Its been 8 months now.....hes leaving and moving 300 miles away, She is having a hard time with money and wants to move about 200 miles away. She cannot take the children, I willbecome the primary guardian when she moves. She loves her kids as much as I do but she didn't think it all out and now reality has hit both of them. We live in a small community and alot of people have no respect for her now so she feels alienated. I begged for her to stay when she left and wanted to give her the world. I wanted karma to get her in the beginning but now I'm feeling somewhat sad for her because I know it will be hard for her being a weekend parent. should I

Answer 1

you should feel for her, but if you get back with her, wont she do the same thing? yeah, she will... try to help her out if you want, but DONT get back with her, she will hurt you and those kids again

Answer 2

You still have love for her because you have been with her for so long and she is the mother of your children but she must learn from her mistakes. Don't try to pick up the pieces of the mess she has made, she has to learn for herself.

This is a hard lesson but one that she has to learn and grow from. Maybe time away will be good for her and she will become a more responsible person. Being a weekend parent will be hard but if she was having an affair she was not there for the kids anyway.

You are the good guy, continue to do so. Continue to be the good father to your children that you have been, they should be your main focus right now. You are the stable one that they can rely on so don't mess it up trying to save her.

In time all wounds heal and so will this. If she wants to better her life she will and hopefully she can return to your small town and try once again to be a good mother to you children. Just never lose sight that they are now your main focus, not her.

I wish you and your family the best of luck.

Answer 3

You will always feel for her. You had children together and grew up together. But, she "made her bed" and now she needs to sleep in it. Its only been 8 months and things like this take much longer to get over. Give yourself the time to deal with all of it. Take a day away from the kids, have them stay with friends/family, and do something. Even if it's just staying home and crying. No, that won't end all the hurt and pain, but for that moment it will feel good.
As for the kids, give them an outlet to release their pain and frustration. Tell them that, yes mom did something that was bad but that doesn't mean that we have to hate her. She is still their mom, and it's ok to still love her. If possible, keep the relationship between you two friendly, for lack of a better word, because if you badmouth her in front of them then they will start to resent her and eventually you as well. Tell everyone else also to not speak bad of her in front of the kids, even if what they are saying is true.

Answer 4

Well not really. She made here bed now its time for her to pay the piper. She was disrespectful to not only you the children as well and now she should have to pay you child support. She would have made you pay it, trust me. The important thing is the kids. Don't bash her in front of them no matter how badly you want to they need to feel as little of this as possible. Man this is a tough break I've been through it. It takes a few years before things get back to normal, the oldest one is the one that will be most affected, at least that's the way it worked out with me. Don't feel sorry for her, and don't let her play victim. She went with another guy now its his turn to make good on what he took on, and remember they didn't think of your feelings or the kids when they did this so, too bad so sad for them.

Answer 5

You know the fact that you have so much compassion in your heart shows that you really loved her alot. Of course you should have those thoughts she after all is your childrens Mother and the two of you had something very special, those kids. Help her out as much as you can and just try and be a good friend to her. Nobody is perfect and the people in your town should realize that they don't and won't ever walk on water and they should mind their own buisness. Good Luck

Answer 6

She made her choice to disrespect herself and the father of her children and now she has to live with the consequences. I know she must love her kids but she is selfish. She shouldn't have risked loosing her family by having an affair. You sound like a nice person so please don't let her take your kindness for weakness. It is okay to feel bad for her because she still is the mother of your children. Much props to you for being a good dad and not giving up because of the mistake she made.

Answer 7

Would I feel for her??? HELL NO! Anyone who is so selfish that she would throw away 15 years of marriage, destroy the life of her husband she has built a life with and cause a great deal of pain to her own children as a result of pure selfishness deserves every bit of alienation, money trouble, and hard times she gets. She made her bed, now she has to sleep in it.

And if she loves her children so much, why the hell did she put them through this in the first place knowing she would never get full custody of them? Yeah... great mom.

Answer 8

No you should not feel sad for her, but for your children. She had no respect for you or for them and doesnt really love them very much if she did that to them and now wants to up and move that far away. The children are better off with you and not her anyway. They need stability and love and understanding during this time and sounds like you give it to them. She made her choice now let her deal with it and you take care of your self and the children.

Answer 9

Feeling sorry for her is fine it is a part of the healing process. My ex husband did similar to me and at this point I feel very sorry for him because he will never know his grandson or what his kids have been doing because he chose a whore over his family..... Please put your feelings in perspective tho taking her back would be wrong and those kids need that stability that you give them. If she left once she will do it again. You and your kids deserve so much better.

Answer 10

ha ha the stupid woman left, you take a chance and you have to face the consequences. I would tell her that she could move back in, but only as roommates. She obviously doesn't want you back, that's why she left. She doesn't want to come back because she has hurt her name and reputation. If you both decide to work at this, you both should move away together.

Answer 11

She made her bed, now she has to lie in it. Actions have consequences, why doesn't anyone get that anymore??? Don't feel bad or sad for her, she obviously didn't think about you when she starting bopping her co-worker. Do your best to love and cherish your kids. Sounds like they are probably better off with you than that lovely role model you were married to.