We live in a small town so I see them all of the time. He is still legally married to his wife who also lives in the town. I thought that I would get joy when my kids starting hating him (He is known town-wide as a azzhole so it was a mtter of time). How long did it take you.
I know that I shouldn't hate and that I should fotgive but that is not my reality now. Even Billy Graham acknowldges that what I feel is normal. Just how long before it goes away? I have tried dating others but I feel that I am just using them.
2007-06-15 05:02:16 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My husband (of less than a week) went through this.
You will never get over it, but you will get through it. It takes time, alot of support, and counseling. I made my husband go to counseling when we first started dating, because as a friend, I knew he needed help I couldn't give him.
You're right there's a season for everything, even hate, it's a process you have to go through. The sooner, the better.
I can tell you that if my husband had it all to do over again he would:
1. Have gone to counseling immediately, rather than be eaten up with hate for 2 years.
2. Never, ever had spoken badly about his ex to his children. At first they sided with him, but then they got tired of being put in the middle. Now they aren't on speaking terms with him, but have moved out to live with their mom. He didn't understand that no matter what she may have done, she is still their mom.
3. Never go anywhere that they might be. Stay away at all costs, even if it means missing an event for the child. I know that alot of people would say that you need to be strong for the kids and don't miss their event, but I know that you may be concerned with what you might do when you see him. I know that there are times when your thoughts go to a very dark place for revenge and right now if that's the case, you need to stay away.
You can date without using the other women. Don't sleep with them. Don't lie about your feelings. Tell them you just want to go do something fun and not talk about your past. That's what attracted me to my husband. He never asked all the typical 1st date questions like, "How long were you married, how many times, blah, blah, blah..." I didn't ask him either. We just went and had fun.
Hang in there. Without counseling the healing period is very long. With counseling, you could see improvements in half the time or less.
Best wishes.
2007-06-15 05:31:27 · answer #1 · answered by lady 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is very normal to feel anger and hate like you say, someone you dearly loved a woman you married betrayed your trust and loyalty for some guy that is perceived by many as an a hole. This is not something that would make any one think nice thoughts, but the anger will subside with time, and you have to try hard not to become bitter, as a new love maybe right around the corner for you, and you don't want her to see you with the sad and angry face, but your true self and the person you are, not the hurt and angry person. Best wishes, it is hell to get over it. I know first hand, but there will be better tomorrows, and the sun will shine in your life if you let it.
2007-06-15 14:23:44 · answer #2 · answered by Maria A. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you decide you are through hurting yourself. Hate is like taking poison and hoping the person you hate dies. Only you are hurt by this emotion.
Spend time with your friends and family to get the emotional support you need. And quit talking about him or her in any way that is negative and if that means keeping your mouth shut, then do it. And tell everyone else the same - just leave it be. It doesn't help you at all. Time to let the wound heal - stay busy with those you like and perhaps do some volunteer work for those who are less fortunate. The best way to forget yourself and your problems is to focus on helping others.
Good luck. You will be fine - just give yourself some time and start moving forward.
2007-06-15 12:13:02 · answer #3 · answered by Stefka 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm was in a similar situation...the answer is when you realize that her reasoning for cheating in the first place was in some way to make your miserable..for whatever reason...and cheaters do this as a way to control your emotions and feelings. She's still to this day controling your emotions because you're having a hard time letting it go and thus they will continue to flaunt themselves around town because it ignites you! You don't have to forgive them...just forget them! You don't want to be the type of person that harbors anger and resentment...I can tell that because you wouldn't have asked how to stop hating if you did! They are not worthy of your worry or your hatred! Let them live in this mess they created by themselves...thank them instead for giving you an opportunity to move on and find something better and someone who treats you the way you deserve to be treated!!!
2007-06-15 12:14:47 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you still love your wife. It takes time to forget and forgive and heal. When you feel that you are ready to take the next step, do it. Right now, you can't seem to forget anything that's happened, especially when they're there too in the same town, I suggest taking a trip out of town, go on a vacation and get to meet other people, who knows, you might run into someone that you will end up liking for real.
2007-06-15 12:21:36 · answer #5 · answered by justhadmybaby 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is normal to be angry at them, but it is also wrong and bad to hold onto that hate. As long as you are hating and harboring all this anger towards them, they control you. So not only did they do you wrong, they now control your emotions all the while they are carrying on. Let it go, as hard as it is, let it go. Don't worry about dating, just go and be social and let that come to you. You will meet someone that will rock your world and steal your heart and you will look back and see that you wasted time worrying about them and not living life.
2007-06-15 12:10:05 · answer #6 · answered by Suthern R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You'll need to decide that for yourself. When do you want to stop hating them?
Is the hate doing anything for you?
Your life is on hold until you decide to start moving forward again. Hate is not moving forward.
You need to accept your past, including the bad parts, as unchangeable. Take the lessons that you can from the past. Move into the future. Your future.
2007-06-15 12:22:28 · answer #7 · answered by Maureen 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
To be completely "over" someone usually takes twice as long as you were with them. In the meantime try not to hate its a waste of your time, take the time to concentrate on yourself and the things you always wanted to do.
2007-06-16 01:47:29 · answer #8 · answered by cynical 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It takes time. You have to keep busy and change your attitude about life in general and them in particular. Don't waste time and energy hating them, use that time and energy to do something useful and move on.
Same advice I give women here in your same situation... take classes, volunteer, workout, join a group of people that share your interests.
2007-06-15 12:09:49 · answer #9 · answered by Melanie J 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get healthy and feel good about yourself. do something that your wife always told u couldnt do, go to vegas, have a good wild time, take up a new hobby. start feeling good about yourself and the hate will eventually go away. time heals all wounds. keep your head up, good luck!
2007-06-15 12:08:48 · answer #10 · answered by spadezgurl22 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋