Just curious. I had a "no head, no wed" policy when I was dating -- I wouldn't even consider a LTR with a woman unless she was willing to meet my criteria. Before I found my wife (who met the criteria) I had dated a woman briefly who wouldn't. Ran into her recently and she gushed about how perfect we would have been together if I only didn't have this silly rule. She's still single, lonely, and bitter, considers me "the one that got away", but still hasn't mended her ways. Was I unfair to exclude her from consideration, or was it proper to stick to my guns?
2007-06-15 04:10:48 · 30 answers · asked by terry m 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I was with you till you got to "mended her ways." You two just disagreed on something that a lot of couples do. And I know more than one man that thought he was going to get some oral love post nuptials (as he had been promised that) only to find out he was very wrong so I get why you had the rule. If we don't have rules and standards any old body would do and they could treat us any kind of way. I don't think you were wrong to have the criteria I just think it's silly to say she is somehow at fault for not engaging in the activity. If she finds someone that is cool with her list of options she'll be fine and you are perfectly happy with your wife so no harm no foul.
2007-06-15 04:53:24 · answer #1 · answered by indydst8 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Marriage is not a business deal. It is based on a feeling of love and of sharing. Both parties must be happy for it to work. If something is important to you, be it sexual or not, and someone does not meet that important criteria, then you will never be happy.
For example, if you were to say that your religious faith was important, and you could not be happy married to someone who does not share that faith, everyone would accept that. If you did not like smoke, and ruled out a relationship with a smoker, no one would say you were wrong.
In this case, you considered a sexual act to be important enough to be a deal breaker. It was something that only you could decide. You found someone who met your needs and desires, and are now married to her. If you are happy now, and your wife is also, you did the right thing!!
It is not a question of fair or unfair, life is sometimes unfair. The other woman was not what you wanted, and you did the right thing ending that relationship.
2007-06-15 04:25:17 · answer #2 · answered by fire4511 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
assorted ppl will disagree with me, yet i can work out your factor. i do no longer sleep around... and a factor of me seems down on females who make weaker alternatives than I even have. i won't be able to have intimacy until i'm in love. it is not continually basic! besides... i'm sorry this has exceeded off to you. incredibly, you sound like the youngster of guy i like... an experienced older guy. even regardless of the incontrovertible fact that i'm sort of an angel, that's what i like. according to hazard we the two have double standards that way. attempt to sleep on it for each week or so, and interior the period in-between, attempt to no longer permit it get to you. Get some relax. each and every time i'm confronted with something difficult, i stumble on I very practically continually loosen up after a pair of days.
2016-10-17 08:52:12 · answer #3 · answered by estiven 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you had phrased this better then you may have had a lot more positive responses.
Any marriage is heading for trouble if sexual needs are not being met equally. So it was not wrong to decide she wan't right for you. But you could have described the situation better.
Apart from that there are a great many young women who answer here that have a very naeve view of love, marriage and life. Boy are they in for a shock.
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2007-06-15 04:47:22 · answer #4 · answered by Ratsoo 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If everyone set minimum standards and stuck to them, there would be a lot less divorce in the world. I dated a girl one time who turned me down for an idea for a second date with an excuse I later learned was made up, because she wanted to play hard to get. Being the kind of person who dislikes games and hates dishonesty, I never tried to call her again. Instead, I later met a wonderful woman who was honest and straightforward, and eventually married her. She and I have been married now for 20 years and I have never regretted it.
Yes, set standards and stick to them. I hope you had some that were a little deeper than the "must give head" one, though!
2007-06-15 04:17:04 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 2⤋
No, we all have our sexual and relationship preferences. There is nothing wrong with that. Just because it's sex and supposed to be all 'emotional' and 'loving making' in reality, it's no different than anything else. I'm a woman, but I love giving oral sex. It turns me on a lot. I wouldn't want to be with a man who didn't want it or one who wouldn't do certain things I like. Sexual compatibility is important in a relationship and if you're going to be together for life, you better damn well be. Who wants to go their entire life without oral sex? Come on!
Those women you rejected were not sexually compatible with you. Don't feel bad. Although, I do have to admit it did take me awhile to really find pleasuring in giving oral sex.
2007-06-15 04:20:35 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why even consider her, you have a wife you seemed happy with. Is this a little of missing what you couldnt have (she had a deal breaker too) so she thinks you would have been perfect together. Think about never having head at home with your wife and if you really wanted it having to go out and look for it, doesnt sound like a perfect couple to me
2007-06-15 04:15:23 · answer #7 · answered by dave n 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
When dating I think we all have our own set of standards. After all, our entire purpose of dating is finding the "right one" and marrying them. We want to share our DNA. What is repulsive to one is not always repulsive to the next. In fact, it may be quite the opposite. Sex is a small part of any relationship, however it is part of every relationship. Enjoyment is a two way street, I'm sure she had her own "standards". Glad you stuck to your guns. Don't settle.
2007-06-15 04:28:05 · answer #8 · answered by floridagirl1261 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I think you did the right thing . . you wouldn't have been able to be TRUELY happy with someone that wasn't willing to meet your needs. Standards are standards even if they are sexual and I don't think you should ever settle for less than you want or deserve!
2007-06-15 04:50:50 · answer #9 · answered by Drew's Mom 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No, both of you have to work together on filling in both of what you like in bed.
PS I'm a woman and still don't think you're being unreasonable.
2007-06-15 04:18:36 · answer #10 · answered by ? 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋