I am stuck with and can't let go of her?

Question

I am consumed with thoughts of my ex wife.Everyday i want to talk to her,i want to hear her voice.I live 300 miles away now and its so hard.I never wanted a divorce but she just went forward with it.I feel like im stuck in the past.Its strange,all of a sudden a memorie will flash in my mind of a moment i long forgot.Little snap shots of a happier time.When this happens my heart rate jumps up and i feel a sense of panic.Is this normal.I try so hard to move on but i am stuck in the past.My heart won't let her go.I am so in love with her still.

I blew it with her,she was so in love with me and i broke her trust ,talking to an long ago ex girlfriend.She said she can't get past it or forget,she says she forgave me along time ago.I can't forgive myself ever for what i did,it was an inocent mistake,it really was.She sounds like a different person when i speak to her,says she can't open her heart to me again.

Answer 1

How can you say that talking to an ex-girlfriend was an "innocent mistake"? It was a betrayal. You confided personal information about your wife to your ex-girlfriend. Your ex-wife probably feels that she could never trust you again. She has obviously moved on. Hopefully you have learned from your mistake and your next relationship will be better. It takes time to move past a divorce.

Answer 2

If her reason was that you were talking to your ex girlfriend and she could not get past that, then there is more to the story than you know. You said she changed and does not sound like the same person any more and that is a sign that she is no longer having to cover something that she felt she had to hide. I am guessing she was living with guilt from something that she was hiding from you and when she got this talking to your ex girlfriend excuse to break it off, she took it an ran so she could be free of the guilt. Her problem seems to be now that she is gone, she knows she did you wrong again by using this lame excuse to divorce you and she can not own up to it either. She can not open up her heart to you because she is afraid her secrets will come out and she will have to admit she was the problem and not let you go on thinking it was all your fault. She has something she has not told you and probably would rather die than admit to, so do not expect her to tell you, but you can bet it is still eating at her and now she also has the fact that she did you so wrong by leaving you for something that was wrong on your part, but certainly not worthy of a divorce and making you think it was all your fault. She is being eaten by guilt and it will not be long before she tries to run from it again.

Answer 3

Whatever you are going through now, it is a phase of mourning your loss. Being alone instead of the good old days make you miss the old times and maybe not your ex. Its a painful process but given time, you will get over it.

Face it that the divorce is final and she wants out in the relationship. I suggest you move on. Get yourself new interest, hobbies and new friends. There are plenty of available ladies who will love you for what you are. A relationship takes 2 hands to clap. If your wife wants out, it doesn't work anymore. So, find someone who can clap with you and the relationship will work.

Good luck!

Answer 4

Two things you can do. First wish her the best from the bottom of your heart. When those memories pop up appreciate her and thanks for the great memories. Second forgive yourself and adjust for the future. What you see as innocent is not to some others. Put yourself in their shoes to appreciate why the reaction. It is this appreciation that adjusts future behaviors. Not going to do that again because of the pain caused another. Once your mind is set in the wish well and learn from mistakes you can move forward with an attitude anew.

Answer 5

i am sure it is normal to feel this way when you truly love someone with all your heart and she will probably always have a place in your heart the only thing i can suggest is lots of healing time and dont try to jump into another relationship to make it go away because it will not work you will compare everyone to her until you are really ready to move on and mend your broken heart good luck and i hope you get through this and find someone to love you with the intensity that you love with your whole heart because everyone including you deserves to have someone like that

Answer 6

I agree with brent . Go out and do things you 've thought about and not had the time for , join groups and clubs . Take up sports or a different on. Even if you've got a washer/drier at home , go out and do your laundry on the busiest day. One load may take 4 - 5 hours but look at all the people you can talk with and meet. (done it.). LoL . Good luck.

Answer 7

It is very hard to let go of someone you love--however cliche it sounds--time and time away from her will make it easier. You cannot consume your life with someone else Rodger--you need to think of yourself as number one. Go out and do things, meet new people and surround yourself with new memories. You will get through this! Don't put your life on hold because someone doesn't want to love you---love yourself enough to want more out of life. Good luck --and best wishes for a new start!

Answer 8

You can't control how you feel and your not supposed to. Losing someone you love is difficult by itself but now you have to figure out how to deal with it. That's the hardest part. You will never forget the love you've given someone and the love that they have given you and that's painful. Time will pass. You just have stare those feelings in the face and realize what you can change and what you can't.

Answer 9

I feel for you....but if you just get out there and force yourself to make a few dates....it will change eventually. I've been there. You are probably just missing the way things "were" and had been for so long.....Just remember that you wouldn't want her back, knowing that she didnt want to be there.
Now go out there and make a date with someone...you might be surprised---you might find someone more wonderful...and make happier times than you ever had before. Good luck with your journey....I'll be thinking about you. ;)

Answer 10

You are not in love with her. You are in love with the idea of what you want the ideal relationship to be with her. She obviously had other ideas. You have a choice. You can hang on to being in love with an idea. Or you can change your mind and move on to a real relationship. Good luck.