Help! Unhappy stay at home mom?

Question

I am a 25 year old stay at home mom with a soon to be 2 year old son. I haven't really worked since my son came along and I have no college education. I have recently been checking out some online schools because going to a traditional college is not an option for me. I am very unhappy in my marriage. My husband feels that the money he makes at work is his money that he uses to take care of us. He makes me ask for money and he goes shopping with me so I wont buy anything we don't really need. I get 20 dollars out of each check for myself. I am thankful for all he does for us but I don't think of the money as his money. I feel it is the family money. We fight all the time about this and he tells me if I don't like him having control over the money then I should get a job.1) How can I get a job? 2) What about our son? I feel depressed but I can't talk to my husband. I love being a mom but what about my identity? What happens to me when my son grown and no longer needs me?

Answer 1

I'm pretty much in the same boat you are in, except my daughter is five, and it's been going on that long. I recently asked my husband if we could open a savings account. Now any extra money he has, instead of us arguing over where it should go and who gets to spend it, it goes in this account. We've decided that we will use this for things like birthdays, christmas, etc. My husband feels the same way tho, like i shouldn't just get to blow his hard earned money. you can't let it get to you. there are some really good online schools, and also there are some colleges, maybe a few in your area, that offer their classes online, you just have to do a little research. but no matter how grown your son gets, he will always need you, your his mother. don't worry about that, that's too far away to worry yourself over now. good luck.

Answer 2

Girl, get you a job. You should start searching for a daycare, maybe a friend or someone who is also a stay at home mom and would be willing to keep your child. You could also find a job with the opposite schedule as your husband so he can keep the baby while you work. You never want to be in a position where a man can say you don't pay your way, real men would not treat a woman in such a way but there are many of those BUSTERS out there and that seems to be what you ended up with. Even if you have to put your child in a daycare for $150 a week then so be it, make him split the cost with you because it's his child too. And your child is also at the age where they need to start playing with other children and learning things (not that you can't teach your child things) but it helps if your child is exposed to different things and different people in a daycare/school setting. This only increases his/her eagerness to learn more.

Answer 3

Hey! Well, you're looking for an online school, but since you have no job and your man sees the money he makes as "his" money...who is gonna pay for the school? I'd suggest you go look for a job. That way you don't have to lower yourself by asking him for money when you need it. Besides that, looking for a job will open up the opportunity to go back to (online) school, but it is also THE thing that will make you independent. Look in papers, look on websites, there must be some job you're qualified for.

It's great to be a parent, but you must not lose yourself. Like you said, you don't know what your identity is. The only person that can change you...is you. If you are unhappy staying at home...then we come back again to the subject op JOB. it will bring in money, but it will help you become your own person, identify your goals in life, and make the unhappiness you're feeling now a bit more bareable.

And don't worry about your son. If you raise him the right way, he will always be there for you...even when he's grown. Just be the best mom you can be to him, and you'll see everything between you and your son will be sunshine.

But start working on your own ambitions and goals...show your son a person needs to have a purpose in life. Be that example. You will feel much happier.

Answer 4

I personally think you need a break from being a stay at home Mom. Check into finding a morning day care for your son. Just a few hours to start with. Then try to find a part time job close to home. This will give you an out for a little while plus give you some of your own money. A local church might be a good place to start looking for morning day care. Most of the time, churches are not as expensive as other daycares and they are more understanding when it comes to not wanting daycare for the entire day. Good luck and hang in there!!!

Answer 5

First of all, it's NOT his money!

Suggestion: Leave him home with your son on a Saturday all day until your son is in bed. Tell him you're looking for a job, or that you have interviews or whatever. Then ask him if that wasn't WORK!!! Hello, he needs to get a clue. I'm sorry, but you work 3 full time jobs and don't get paid for it! How much would it cost for a maid and child care? If you work you at least have to get child care and it's expensive!!! Sometimes if you get a job, it will barely cover child care expenses. I'm guessing your husband doesn't make very much money- maybe you qualify for WIC or head start child care. Look into it.

I have the same problem with my husband, but he doesn't control me- he just spends way more money than me and doesn't acknowledge the work that I do. I stay home with my 2 yr old boy and 1 yr old daughter. I feel like I never have time for anything. All I do is take care of everyone else. I'm forcing myself to create time for me, and letting him share in the responsibilities of the children.

What are your interests? What are you good at? Maybe you can do something out of the home? Go to school- it will be so good for you, but I'm guessing he won't want to spend the money on it. Get a decent part time job, when your husband is at home so he can watch your son. Get out and do things with other stay at home moms- have play groups. That's what I do. What did you do before you married? Don't forget who you really are! Don't let your husband control or change you. You deserve better!

It would be really good to go to counseling or a religious leader about this problem. Is there more to the story than just the unfair financial problem? Don't let him get away with treating you this way anymore!!! You're not his child. Break the pattern now, you can do it! Talk to each other and understand one another. A marriage is a compromise. It sounds like he's getting everything his way. Good Luck

Answer 6

Must remark DO NOT listen to this fugitive angel person.
You DO need a separate identity, your own friends, your own career, even if it is daycare at your home, and your OWN money. This is not the dark ages.
Your identity--you can't base your identity on being a mother and a wife. If something were to happen to them, (I know, horrible to say) but if something did, then you would be left without an identity? You don't want that, and that is what happens to many women when their children go off to form their own lives and their husband leaves them for a younger woman. So don't let yourself be open to a possible lack of identity later.
Empower yourself! You do need your own source of income, in whatever way you want to make it. Your husband isn't going to be able to control that money completely. (and I can tell already that that is going to bother him)
He goes shopping with you to control how you spend the money? This guy is a control freak. Time to stand your ground and tell him to watch the child while you shop. If he refuses, then you have such a control freak on your hands that you shouldn't just go to school, you should be making plans for your getaway car.

Answer 7

honey, i know exactly how you feel. don't let the avatar fool you, it's my husbands. I'm a 26yr stay at home mom of two! it gets hard, i know. as far as the $ situation, forgive me but your husband is wrong. it should be your family's $, not just one way. however,if it's being saved, that's different. but 20 bucks?! whats that, gas $? OK...i think for yourself, try looking for work you can do that either has built in child care, or maybe a community collage that has child care on site. try options like this that having to pay for child care isn't a problem. you can do it! even if you maybe get involved working with children. you getting yourself and your child in more social events and either furthering your future and or earning yourself money (more than that 20 lol) for you.
you can do it! i believe even if you cant right now.
best of luck to you!
prayers and blessings to you and your child

Answer 8

You are on the right path, taking classes online. A couple of years into schooling you might have to take some classes in person.

I'm sorry, but it does seem like your husband is keeping you at home (without money) so that he can control you. I lived that for many years. Every time I tried to go to school, my ex made sure something stood in the way.

Ideally you shouldn't have to worry about working, but your situation concerns me. You might consider getting a job at a daycare, where you can take your son with you. Or even taking in kids at your home. Put half of all of your earnings away..and I mean HIDDEN away. Because I worry you're about to be the victim of domestic/mental abuse.

Answer 9

Well you are fortunate to have someone to provide for you and the your son however I do understand how you are feeling. I would suggest taking it slow. Getting your degree online is fine but those classes are also accelerated you are basically teaching yourself with the materials given to you. Most cities have community colleges where as you can take one class at a time at your own pace. I would suggest hubby watching your son while you take a class or two a week. If you decide to work instead, then start part time during the hours that husband is home so he can babysit.

Answer 10

Online schools are perfect for you then. The other thing you may want to look into is working at home as a medical transciptionist. Plenty of doctors offices are looking for people to do this kind of work for them out of their homes. You may need some training but you can do that during the day. Then once you start making money be smart, squirrel some away, because the way this sounds you are sounding like you might make the Great Escape. Need cash for that