Is it right to confess!!!!?

Question

Is it morally correct to admit to having an affair (regretted) before embarking on marriage with the person you betrayed. Would it help, or is it just being selfish and getting rid of the guilt felt?

This was actually my best mate that possed this question to me. Your comments have been helpful, but would any of them change knowing it is a female that had done the cheating

Answer 1

DON'T admit it. It will hurt your partner, and ruin the marriage plans. Put it behind you, concentrate on the future, and don't be tempted again. Any problems in the relationship should be discussed BEFORE 1 person goes astray.

Answer 2

Mal or female my answer would be the same. To confess might help the person to feel better but would hurt and possibly damage an otherwise good relationship. If the affair is in the past then that is where it should stay. There is not a person on the planet who does not have a secret or two of some kind ....that is waht makes us individuals in a strange sort of way. Those who have never committed adultery in the real sense probably have had a fantasy or two along the way that they will not have shared with their partner....
To spill the beans is to cause pain and what is there to gain?

Answer 3

Good question. I believe it is MORALLY correct, my husband disagrees and thinks you are just getting rid of guilt.

THE TRUTH ALWAYS COMES OUT, particularly in an affair because someone else who you can't control obviously knows the secret too. Since it's better for your partner to hear it from you, then in my opinion you should confess asap.

Even if they don't thank you for telling them right now, you will be basing the relationship on truth and, if they can forgive you, then further down the track they will prob admit that they are glad they know. This is especially true if the other person is someone they know or may meet in the future. I would want to know if my husband ever had an affair, and I possibly would be able to forgive him if it was regretted and was a one-off kind of thing. Hiding things from each other can only mean that you will never really know each other properly.

Answer 4

First, you need to understand that "honesty" is NOT always the best policy.
Second, That this admission will forever change your relationship and not for the better.
Third, There is no good reason for inflicting that pain on an unexpecting partner. To what purpose?
Finally, You are talking about a pre marriage thing. This has served as your confirmation that it will not happen again. File this knowledge away and do not do it again. At this point to say anything will do little except unload your guilt onto a person who does not deserve or expect it.
That is a very bad idea.
Keep quiet about it.

Often you see the " I'd want to know" thing here when in reality most of them would probably have no clue what is going on and when confronted with this it destroys them. There is still no good reason for divulging this if the behavior has been modified.

BTW Morally, this is your guilt. I find it reprehensible to inflict that much pain on a person who did nothing to deserve it.This is your problem. It is a bad idea to share this.
Keep your mouth shut.

Answer 5

Before marriage, you already behave like this, guess your time aint up yet. Go on be a playboy better. Dun hurt a good lady ya.

Unless you are damn sincere and love the person you betrayed, you get marry and forget about all your past, dun even need to tell her anything, live and let lives on. We all do make mistakes, learn from it, be a good husband, take that guilt as a lesson, and forever or whenever you want to go into an affair again, reopen that guilt and you will go back to your wife, God proclaim us man and woman not man and lots of women ya, Be blessed.

Answer 6

I would tell the partner. It can be very hard to live with guilt and knowing you have hurt the person you love and starting a marriage on a lie is not the way to go. In saying that there may be no marriage once the affair is out in the open but that is something the person responsible has to suffer i guess.

Answer 7

If you are really sorry and know that you won't CHEAT again then, confess because if you don't the person you cheated with will probably make sure that, your soon to be other half, knows of the encounter, even if it's told on the wedding day, right before you say "I DO".

It happened at a wedding that I know of and the Bride ran out of the church and went on the Honeymoon trip to New York alone never marrying...and of course the other cheater had the nerve to attend the reception...happy that the wedding never took place. ...
You're talking marriage to the same person you've already cheated on have you considered if they're the right person or not??? I've always wondered how, if a person is engaged to marry and suppose to be in love, could they cheat on the other.
It takes preparation to cheat it doesn't just happen. It's a lot of thinking about the other person...enough time to say to yourself, I'm better than this...I refuse to lower myself into being called a CHEAT, and besides I love and respect myself and my engaged soon to be married other half to betray our special bond, and I respect the institution of our relationship and soon to be marriage
Somebody has to care. The person willing to cheat with you has no respect for you or the institution of your relationship with your engaged partner. So you have to take the responsibility by being fair. Hopefully you're not looking for something more satisfying than who you have.

REAL TRUE LOVE CAN'T CHEAT...IT WON'T ALLOW YOU TO EVEN IF YOU TRY OUT OF BEING ANGRY WITH YOUR OTHER PERSON...IT WON'T HAPPEN, BUT IF THE LOVE IS PRETENSE THEN, YOU'LL BE ABLE TO CHEAT WITH THE WORLD.

Why did you cheat, anyway???
good Luck !!!

Answer 8

About ten years ago, I was in what I thought was a happy, stable relationship with my girlfriend of four years. We lived together and I had just proposed about a month before. I thought I'd be spending the rest of my life with her.

Then she confessed to me about sleeping with a friend of mine, her ex-boyfriend. She never fell out of love with him. My world crumbled and my heart broke. I broke up with her even though she said she still wanted to marry me. I just couldn't trust her again. And if I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't change a thing.

That being said, I am very glad that she told me. This is because, if you cheat then it means you don't want to be in the situation you are in. You obvisouly do not love your fiance as much as you think you do.

Now, of course, you can think that what I'm saying is BS and that's fine.

You have either two courses of action: Decide that what I'm saying is true and confess in order to get out of a relationship you don't want to be in. Or don't tell her and make a vow to live the rest of your life with her with the thoughts of how you cheated on her gnawing at you for the rest of your life.

I say better to fess up to it now rather than run the risk of her somehow finding out, say, 10 years from now after you've had a couple of kids.

Answer 9

Its morally correct not to do it in the first place!

However as you have then the only course of action is to be honest with the person and let THEM decide if they think you are still worth marrying.

On a different note however, as much as you must tell them, you must also discuss it to ensure that if you do tell them it gets discussed, dealt with and then left in the past else it will come back to haunt you throughout your marriage and that makes the marriage a bad idea!

Answer 10

A month after my wedding my wife decided to tell me that before we got wed she had cheated on me. If i had found out before we tied the knot there is no way in hell i would of gone through with it. Do not admit to it, your guilt is your problem and there is no need to ruin your partners life as well. If you do love him though why do it in the first place? and whats to stop it happening again in the future?

Answer 11

Anything but selfish, you are empowering this person by giving them the information and letting them make up their own mind on wether they should enter into a marriage with a cheater or not. You must confess otherwise, frankly, you are making a fool out of someone you are supposed to love and care about.

EDIT- I can't believe so many of you are encouraging someone to keep this a secret. Where are your morals? Since when did cheating become ok? Disgraceful.