I have three step kids and because of what there mother say's to them on the phone and that she refuses to see them the oldest son will not talk to her anymore she lives and CA and we live in TX. she really say's a lot of mean things to them and lies all the time and they know it and don't even want anything to do with her anymore really. what do i do she calls everyday even when she talks to one or two of them she will still call twenty to thirty times a day. do i force them or just let the judge tell her at court in a couple months.
2007-06-14 18:02:08 · 13 answers · asked by sunshine 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You cant force them and it would be cruel to do so...
2007-06-14 18:24:41 · answer #1 · answered by ABBYsMom 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
They are lucky to have you. No do not force them even if you could. Just because they are kids does not mean they don't have rights or feelings. We all must earn our love and respect and when someone looses it; especially with kids they need to make the necessary changes before anyone, especially kids will forgive enough to want a relationship again. Either you or the kids Dad needs to call her and explain the situation and if she doesn't believe you then just get call id until you go to court. Explain to the kids that you respect their wishes and if they ever change their minds it's ok for them to talk to their mother again. It might be a good idea if the kids are old enough to understand that you explain that if they really feel the way they do about their mother that they might need to tell the judge or maybe just have them put their feeling down in writing and mail them to her, if the kids are old enough to do that; if not just answer the phone calls you id as wanting to answer and turn the volume down and erase the calls or keep a record for court but the kids don't need to hear this. Good Luck.
2007-06-15 01:13:18 · answer #2 · answered by katship 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the kids are old enough to make up their mind about how they respond to their biological mother, then don't force them. They will have scars from this relationship over the years anyway without it being forced on them. She's going to need them in her life before they would ever call on her for anything, so it will definitely be her loss over the years. It would be best to just tell the judge about the situation, and let them make the decision so you won't be on the kids negative list like her.
2007-06-15 01:20:29 · answer #3 · answered by msthinkpositive 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not your place to discuss this with the mother. It is your husband's place to tell her that she can call them, but 20 or so times a day is harrassment. He needs to let her know that she has lost the respect of some of her children because of things that she has said and done.
The courts may or may not help you, depending on the judge. Many judges will force the children to communicate with the parent, regardless of how awful the parent has been.
2007-06-15 01:18:00 · answer #4 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is something your husband needs to deal with...first he needs to tell her, in a recorded phone call (he needs to tell her it is recorded) that she can only call ONCE a day...and they need to schedule a time...he needs to tell her she can not call many times a day, that is harassment. (NOT YOU - him!)
at the time they agree on, yes the kids should be available for the call...and again, they should be recorded (mom again needs to be told that all calls are being recorded)
the calls can be used as proof in court that she is causing the kids mental anguish. (transcripted by a neutral third party, the attorney will know someone)
a log should be kept of any calls the mother makes that are not during the time they agreed on. Again, as proof of being harassed...
then in court, armed with this information - see what the judge will do about stopping her behavior...
btw - get the kids into counseling if they aren't already...they may not be close to their mother, but this whole thing is severly affecting them, and how they will view intimate relationships in the future.
2007-06-15 01:11:45 · answer #5 · answered by allrightythen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Certainly you should let the kids decide if they want to talk to her or not. If they talk to her once in the day and then don't want to talk anymore then just tell her they have left the house. If she is not nice to them then they are not going to want to talk to her. then when it is time to go to court the children those old enough can speak with the judge privately and tell them what things she says to them and their feelings about the whole thing.
2007-06-19 16:34:48 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Teach them how to politely change the topic in their conversations with their mother and how to honestly share their feelings in a way that their mother will hear with her heart.
That's what I'd try to do, anyway.
I'd teach them to ask their mother questions that would get her speaking fondly about their past, her life, their lives. I'd teach them to say "You know mom, I miss the times when we really talked". I'd try to teach them the words or help them come up with words that would lead them towards mending the relationship with their mother.
I'd teach them to say, "I wonder why you think that, because it's not true." Or, "It hurts my feelings when you say things like that. I wish you wouldn't".
If she actually calls 20-30 times a day, I would first ask her to call less often, as answering the phone 4 times an hour doesn't leave you time to get anything done in your day. If she kept doing it, I would get caller ID & only take calls when it was convenient to do so.
2007-06-15 01:21:22 · answer #7 · answered by Maureen 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't force them to talk to her, it would just make them resent you. If her calling so much is a problem talk to your husband and her (possilby get a judge involved) and see if you can limit the calls she makes and let her know that the kids can call her anytime they want to.
2007-06-15 01:10:08 · answer #8 · answered by Cherah 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This needs to be handled between the father and her...you will be better off staying out of it the best you can, and just love them. what he can do is tell her that from now on all conversations will be recorded, because it is his job as their father to protect them, even if that is protecting them from her hurtful words. She may have to be told at the beginning of every conversation that she is being recorded....then you save those tapes for future reference if needed.
2007-06-15 01:15:37 · answer #9 · answered by mrs_endless 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
how about if you change your phone number? since that woman bothering you so much..
if your step kids decided not to talk with their real mother then that their choice and you can not do anything to change that.
2007-06-15 01:10:59 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
dont force the kids ... let them make the decision they want.. they have every right to choose whats best for them..
2007-06-15 01:06:19 · answer #11 · answered by virgogirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋