In the past year of our 8 year marriage, my husband has been aquiring single female friends. I would not have ans issue with this if I knew the females or he was not secretly contacting them. It started with just females from work...going out for drinks afterwards and phone calls and text messages. This issue caused a huge argument..resulting in him bad talking me to the female...their "friendship" ended after she was fired from the job. More recently he befriended another female...this time far worse than before. He would call her 4-5 times a day for 30 mins a call, and the text message were 20-30(no lie) per day to and from. When confronted, he would say "i only talk to her about our maratial issue"."I need a woman's point of view", when i asked him to end the excessive communication..he began emailing and IM. She would send emails saying she miss him...he swears nothing happened..I know better than that..I even turned the cell phone off..he got a new one and started it up again.
2007-06-14 15:26:09 · 5 answers · asked by lafy tafy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I would be very concerned that my husband had female friends and seem like he didn't care what I thought. Where there is smoke there is fire.
2007-06-14 15:36:37 · answer #1 · answered by Krinta 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
My husband has some very good female friends, but if he ever did this with any of them, I would be seriously concerned! I don't think there is always a problem with having friends of the opposite sex, but there are boundries one should not cross. I know all my husbands friends, male and female, and he knows mine. It really doesn't sound as if your husband's friendship with this woman is a very healthy one, and you should try to put a stop to it. Ask him how he would feel if you were doing the same thing with a male friend.
2007-06-15 06:54:14 · answer #2 · answered by sparrow 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some men try to lie to themselves. Things could have started just as typical casual conversations, but excessive is a real problem. The reason being is because talking, emailing or any other continued comunication that is several times a day or week etc can lead him to have confused feelings and in his mind it will be no big deal. But if a solution isn't found quick enough 9 times out of 10 it will lead to something else, even if that wasn't his original intention.
I recently went through a similar situation with someone that works for the same company my husband does had confided him over the phone about a break up she was going through because she was upset and he listened to her ramble for 20 min. Even though they were states apart it started as something work related and she reached out to him which made him feel needed, then he started talking more and more with her about work, kids, family etc. He didn't realize that these regular phone conversations had progressed to excessive over time and becoming a problem until he started acting out towards me, and then we both knew there was a problem. I knew that it would only get worse if I didn't figure it out qucikly.
I happened to come across our phone records and saw the number on his bill several times (Incoming, outgoing, Txt etc)
Then I found an email, Nothing bad but still to close for comfort because I do know how easy it is to take another step and another in the wrong direction.
Well there was a blow out and I basically told him he had emotionally cheated wheather that was his intention or not.
Then I asked him what he thinks needs to happen next.
I also called her to ask about their relationship etc, I ended up on the phone for 2 hrs with her. Sad part is she had me crying over the sob stories she was talking about and she appologized and told me she would no longer contact him because she did know he had a family and that she was starting to feel emotionally conected to him.
You do need to have comunication about this and quickly before it does get way out of control which to be honest sounds like soon because he has been physically around them as well outside of work. As calm and collected as you can, reach out to him and say honey this is not ok for me, for us and our marriage. Tell him that even though he doesn't think there is anything wrong, it will effect him mentally, then etc.
If he wants to make the marriage work, he will have to make a decision to stop on his own if he intends on keeping this marriage together. All you can do is be firm but compassionate and understanding at the same time until he either lets you in on whats wrong with him, your relationship etc.
Be strong and hang in there kiddo !!
2007-06-14 23:38:13 · answer #3 · answered by Broken but not Beat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, you need to nip this one in the bud! How is this behavior tolerable? It's not, it's completely unacceptable. This is how a 22 year old single frat boy behaves, not a 8 year marriage veteran. What's up with him? Obviously, you think he's been unfaithful, what are you going to do about it? Just me, but I'd be nice to the "other woman" (non-threatening) and ask her what's up.
2007-06-14 22:32:19 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My thought you have a problem with communication between yourself n yr husband. Communication is one of issue in our marriage more over in 8Th year marriage. Please spend yr time to talk sometime with yr husband, or you can use his way, maybe you can choose via mob phone or short message like he did.
please try and try again and saving your marriage.
2007-06-15 00:41:34 · answer #5 · answered by sahara 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋