tick tock,
waiting for the call,
tick tock,
biting my nails,
pacing around the couch,
afraid you aren't coming,
tick tock,
waiting by the phone,
not sure what to think,
whether to give up or not,
tick tock,
tick tock.
2007-06-14 14:02:40 · 26 answers · asked by iANNA! 5 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
I am not a judge of poetry. I don't like it. It is superficial and not moving.
2007-06-22 13:47:03 · answer #1 · answered by johnfarber2000 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I liked it. It is terse, to the point, and has a cadence like the ticking of a clock, yet beyond that, it is speaking of an emotion that we all recognize, waiting for someone we care about to get on that phone! Sometimes that call comes, sometimes it doesn't, but the heartbeat is just like the ticking of that clock, waiting, yet not knowing whether or not to continue.
Keep at it. You did a good job!
2007-06-22 12:56:42 · answer #2 · answered by Me, Too 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tick tock, don't wait by the phone, tick tock stop biting your nails, and hope he stays home. Not that good neither
2007-06-22 14:08:07 · answer #3 · answered by RICHARD R 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
One more tick in the middle, a tock at the end, and a description of the seizure I suffered reading it.
2007-06-14 14:06:15 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
Don't like the tick tock part. The rest isn't so great either.
2007-06-14 14:07:02 · answer #5 · answered by Skatermomof5 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Your poem is BEAUTIFUL!! It is free associative, and runs with the gait of a child through a field....it is absolutely lovely! Please don't take the criticism of others that is negative, what you write is from your heart...I am a published Writer, which makes me no expert, however I can elucidate how I feel....your honesty shines through like a beacon in the night, like a light house warning ships at sea~ GREAT!
xxoxx
Mistress Elizza Lioncourt
2007-06-22 09:15:31 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No eb or flow. You nee to take the reader on a slow moving boatride whiel they read it in order to get the certain rythm a poem neads. It is more a jumble of sentenes and does really capture the right use of words.
2007-06-14 14:07:01 · answer #7 · answered by nicklaruso 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You need some rhyming words. It doesn't flow together and is awkward to read. The subject is good, but try some different wording.
2007-06-22 12:24:49 · answer #8 · answered by peach 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well you sound like your wating for someone where you ????? but i think it was good for a start finish it make it longer maybe
2007-06-22 13:45:00 · answer #9 · answered by Amazing nonspeaking mime 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
keep on waiting any one in their right mind will show up honestly it speaks for a lot of us
its great
2007-06-22 11:27:49 · answer #10 · answered by samurai 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋