My friend is having these problems, and I can never find myself to say something right. Her little brother is in the hospital, he had open heart surgey this past week, isn't working out to well. Her father is emailing and talking w/ another women he met over the internet. Her mom does nothing, sits at home, uses up money for personal projects that she says fulfill her life. She doesn't clean, do bills, or anything. She doesnt know her husband is talking to this women, they do not sleep in the same room. He has a career, and she sits at home everyday, for this week tho she has been at the hospital with their son. My friends dad has only told her about the women, for some reason he trusts her and not her mother or her sister, he also plans on kicking her mother out of the house after their son is better so he can marry the other women. My friend knows her dad is wrong for cheating on her mom, and that her mom is wrong for being a bad mother, is there anything she can do?
2007-06-14 13:53:57 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm asking what my friend can do, not her mother. She has terrible problems, this happened to her mother to, got a divorce from a cheating husband.
2007-06-14 14:00:39 · update #1
Yes her mother has always been this way, she has OCD and major depression that she has pills for. My friend to takes the same pills as her mother, although she is usually a very happy person and I like her more without her pills. But when we do get talking about these things, both of us just don't know what she can do. They have 2 daughters, a freshman in hs and a sophomore in hs, the sophomore is my friend, and the boy is 6. The mother will not change, probably not even if she was told, she does not know, but sometimes I think she might know he does not love her anymore. The other women her dad talks to is also married, but they both tell each other they are in love. I agree with some of you that none of them are really willing to speak up because of the boys health status, but up until this surgery was the correct time to get counselling, the boy is done with surgery, and once he is back at home (1 week or so), the father plans to kick the mother out.
2007-06-14 14:26:15 · update #2
Gosh, now is not the time to tell the Mother what is going on, but on the other hand she does need to know. What a scum bag he is for doing this. I believe he has told his daughter, so he won't have to be man enough to do, hoping she is will let her Mother know. Her Mother probably already knows and this is why she is depressed and doesn't do anything. That doesn't make her a bad Mother. Your friend needs to go ahead and tell her Mother what is going on.
2007-06-14 14:07:05 · answer #1 · answered by Krinta 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
That is some load of crap your friend got put on her. The father should have never told her, no matter how old they are (OK maybe if the kids were adults, out of the house and married and everything).
The mother sounds very depressed (the projects are an escape) and it sounds like they both need counseling once her depression is under control. They might end up divorced still but she might want it by then. (And what makes him think his new girl wants to marry him... and if she does... who says she will be faithful.
2007-06-14 14:15:44 · answer #2 · answered by Laura P 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing the friend can do. The mother has to want to stop her obsession before she will, and the dad has to want to grow up as well. The dad and this other woman are only in love with fantasies. Even if they do get married, they'll both know they are married to a cheater, so there will never be any trust.
2007-06-22 01:48:26 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The father was wrong for dumping this on your friend. he should keep his private life just that. Your friend needs to know that this is between her parents and has nothing to do with her. She is not home with her mother everyday and has no idea what her mothers life is like. The last thing your friend need to do is take sides in this. Both parents love her very much and she needs to know that. If her father feels like his wife is not goo enough what does that make your friend? Your friend is her daughter no matter what. It is tough for some parents, they just do what they know how to do. Your friend needs to tell her father to shut up and remind him that he is no better than her. Your friend also needs to help out with her brother.
2007-06-19 16:02:52 · answer #4 · answered by flateach33 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, the father is modeling values and morals to his children that it is ok to cheat on your spouse. The father needs to fix his problems in the marriage without letting the children see what is going on. First of all, he is the one that should leave the house since he is the one breaking the law of marriage and the vows to his wife. But the wife has her own emotional problems and is probably too weak to see this and act on it. Therefore, the problem is in the hands of the husband. Sounds like he has total control. There is nothing you can do at this point, except be there for your friend when he needs your support and friendship.
2007-06-18 18:08:54 · answer #5 · answered by maestra 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well the only thing for your friend to do is accept the fact that her parents are not going to be together be willing to visit her mother with her on occasion,also let her know that it would be nice to seek some therapy to help her through that period and that you will always be her friend and that this is not the end of the world, you can also remind her that it would be better for everyone if her parents separated and were happy because if people stay in marriage and they no longer love each other that is not healthy for all parties involved.
2007-06-22 00:54:01 · answer #6 · answered by Talithea H 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would suggest couseling, be it at school or wherever she can get it. Her father is trying to win her to his side, at the expense of her true feelings. Her mom is a basket case, be it her fault or her husbands. Her brother has enough troubles of his own. So who does she get to talk to and confide in? Who can she trust now? Where are the parents that are supposed to nurture and love and help their children?
Counseling, and close friends that she can talk to without judgement is what she needs now. Help her in anyway you can, but mainly just be there for her!!!! A kind word goes a long way, and a good ear helps as well.
2007-06-14 14:08:43 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nothing to say. No right or wrong - just is adults behaving badly. Your role is only to be supportive. The tough road will get tougher and you know it. That is the only difference. Be a friend, allow you friend to vent, and neither of you have any control even if you came up with a brilliant idea.
2007-06-14 14:49:43 · answer #8 · answered by Healthy Lifestyle Geek 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Need to talk to the mother ASAP, does she have any close relatives or friends that could help? so your friend doen't have to hold all this on her shoulders. The family seems to be trying to cope individaully,but not as a team because of their son's crisis.
This sounds so sad, but maybe if there is more communication, there could be some resolution.
2007-06-14 14:05:16 · answer #9 · answered by yoginiadina 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like they need to get a divorce, but try(I know its hard) to keep it civil for the boys sake. He needs his mommy and his daddy right now. As for your friend, she needs to be there for her brother and stop worrying about her mother and fathers problems. They will deal with it soon, I'm sure. And maybe the mother does need kicked out. Maybe this will open her eyes to LIFE.
2007-06-22 00:41:01 · answer #10 · answered by Melissa A. 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋